Screenwriting : Visual description by Zondra Mae

Cool! Thank you so much! I'll do that! I just did it in my head and it sounded so much better and it flowed! Thank you, Dan!

It's beautifully written but I think it belong in a novel than a screenplay. Unless what's happening to the light is important to the development of the story or the main character in the story, it doesn't need to be emphasized like this. Best to transfer this type of writing to action involving your characters.

I love your reply Jaclyn! It even opened my eyes! I always thought this kind of description is required for every scene in a screenplay so that the Director/Producer/Actor would enjoy reading it. But it makes sense that it's a waste of space if it's not helping the character or story in some way, i.e. in the screenplay for "6th Sense."

Oh, and what I gather from the description is that something has just landed from space and is now hovering in the room and that a big figure (man/alien/animal - probably an alien because he used the word tentacles?) is moving in on it. Am I right?

Sorry, I meant "she used..." Haha.

Yes it is used to describe what happens just before my main character enters or leaves a location. So, it is a really main part of the screenplay to give the character an eerie foreboding feel an image. Sorry, Yolanda it has nothing to do with an alien my lead is female! LOL Though it is about the supernatural. I finished it last night. I love that feeling when at the bottom of the last page, you right the words "The End" I can leap mountains at that moment. Thank you both for great comments!

wow I'm a writer and I can't even write the right word for write! Damn, It's really early in the morning! LOL

Haha! No excuse! Teeheehee... Just kidding. I make mistakes all the time! Anyway, 'supernatural' was my other guess :) And from the looks of it your description fulfilled its purpose. To set-up the ambiance for what's coming. Plus, the Special-FX, lighting and DOP guys got their ques immediately.

And I hope to get that fabulous feeling soon as well! Well done to you!

I know no excuses, hanging my head low in shame of my mistakes. Okay that's done and over it, back to work! LMAO Thank you! I wish that feeling to all the writers out there. This makes the second feature length I have finished. Just popped open a third to start on today! HAHA

@Lyse: That makes a lot of sense!!!

Lyse, would you mind if I shared your comment in our Writers' Guild?

Definitely go for clarity over pretty words every time. Maybe something like: The lights dim. Then the shadow forms. Black and gray tentacles of smoke from every angle. A lurid purplish light emanates from its center. Eerie.

Hi Dan, I hope you don't mind but I've shared your tips too with our Guild.

@Dan I found the tips helpfull. But it does work the other way.What you have said clicks things into place..... I've just been reading the holden age of hollywood-(if you don't know what that is trust me you will) anyway, while it was excellent the first person prose had quite a few faults, especially in the early part of the book.He was missing words out; pretty much how you explain things.Next time i spot this i'm going to call it screenwriteresque. He also left a forgotten sister subplot dangling, used the coincidence of the antagonist turning out to be his girlfriends brother, bullied his failed screenwriter dads films into production, and out plotted the greatest screenwriter in history.All because he found a forgotten rejection letter in a draw...

I want to thank everyone so much for great advice! THANK YOU! I did get the re-write done for the BlueCat Screenwriting Contest! Wish me luck and if anyone wants to read it, just shoot me a message! Would love to hear feed back on the whole script! Thanks to all again! :)