Screenwriting : Writing in camera directions in a script by Krista Crawford

Yes, you can. Write your script the best, most clear way you can that leaves the best impact on your reader. I have a similar moment in one of my scripts, so I think I understand what you're getting at.

If you have to use "we see," you can, but know that there are better, more creative ways to communicate what the reader is visualizing. Remember action description is what you are seeing on screen. You are the storyteller in terms of how the reader sees this in their mind first. Just communicate the back of the woman's figure first, then move on to the different, frontal based perspective.

You don’t have to call out camera angles. Call out shots i’m your prose. Hint at it.

A woman’s long hair hangs over the back of the chair. [hints we are seeing her from behind]

Her arms rest casually on the armrest of the chair.

[hints we have moved beside her]

She has a happy expression on her face.

[ we are now in front]

I would probably drop in a “We”. That is just my personal style. Having said that I wouldn’t have this shot. I am more long shots and claustrophobic close ups.

A woman sits in a stair, he hair hangs long over the back. We swing past on her right to see her face, all smiles.

The reason I would use “we” is because we see it. A third person, omniscient view, not from a character’s POV.

The shot I'm going for is basically my main character is sitting in a chair in a private room at a strip club. So we don't see her face right away, we see, from the back, her sitting in this chair and she's injured as another woman dances in front of her. Eventually the dancer turns and moves backwards into my main character and that's when we're gonna rotate and we see her face and get the name and intro.

Hi Krista,

First, I'd like to say that is some really nice visual writing. I could really "see" what you're saying,. It's also very engaging. It grabs me and makes me want to know what happens next. Great job with that.

From a writing style standpoint and a formatting standpoint - and we're all different, of course - this would be my version.

THE CENTER OF A ROOM

FROM BEHIND

A woman presses against a chair. Her intricately-tattooed and very toned arm hangs limply at her side. A thin trail of blood snakes down her arm. Off her fingertips, the blood drips on the floor.

FROM IN FRONT

Etc. Etc.

So I would use "FROM BEHIND", and "FROM IN FRONT." as my transitions. I would not be worried about "wasting space." To the contrary, it gives nice space and flow.

I also got rid of the "long dark hair" Unless it has some importance, why establish something that might be changed anyway? I also used "presses against a chair" without knowing if she "slumps in a chair" or if she's "unconscious in a chair", "struggles in a chair", "is bound in a chair", etc. etc. I would also use "buff arm" if it's really buff and not just toned.

But that's a really nice opening visual there, and great job.

Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Krista, and stay safe!

Hi, Krista. What you have works well—creating an engaging, omnipresent view with a specific visual and tonal purpose. However, I would kindly suggest fine-tuning the writing just a tad only because of some redundancy and/or repetitive use. "We see" is rather a stay-in-reader-mode-more-subtle camera direction and implies an omnipresent view. (A great example of effective "we see/we hear" use, page one of IT FOLLOWS: https://www.scriptslug.com/script/it-follows-2015). Whereas Bill's example above with the secondary headings "FROM BEHIND" and "FROM IN FRONT" gives neutral, more objective camera direction without an omnipresent sense. Both are perfectly fine options but each give different experiences with the action. So what form you use depends on what you wish to convey, a tonal suggestion or straight up direction. Hope that helps!

Dmitry Kossolapov the only thing I would say also needs to be considered is tone. Does the thing (whatever it is) set tone and mood.

These fees visuals and are an all important part of visual storytelling.

With respect, Krista, I would ditch everything you wrote in those 4 sentences. Please do not take anyone's criticism personally. This is the process of learning to be a great storyteller. Description within a screenplay should be hidden within action. So if there is some description that is absolutely essential to the story, hide it within a sentence showing the character take action.

Example: Blood drips from her tattooed arm as Liz climbs out of the manhole.

Additionally, leave the bulk of character description out of the script entirely. What happens if you can't find an actress with toned arms, or if the film is shot on a budget and you can't afford to pay someone to draw fake tattoos every day? In other words, stay in your lane. Leave casting, set design & photography to the other people who will work to produce the film. Just tell the story.

It would probably be helpful for you to read more scripts. The best ones just tell a story and allow the reader's imagination to fill in character and set details. Christopher Nolan is very good at this. His scripts are straight forward. No idioms. No fluff. Nothing but what's needed for the reader to understand the plot.

Happy writing!

Krista Crawford, I think your writing is sound and better than most. I know a couple of long time working directors who write (and vocalise ideas) in a very similar fashion. They'd eat this up.

What you want to do is also fine. Go with your inspiration and enjoy it.

To be frank, some of the suggestions/examples you've been given will worsen the rhythm, flow, and feeling. Vivid, passionately written prose that owns the page and has a strong voice will win you many fans and attachments, especially it's self aware and has a sense of humour to it.

It's also essential you nurture your artistic style and maintain a high level of motivation as a result. Writing in fear is a trap many fall into. Something that really helped me was seeing just how varied professional spec scripts are in style and then finding working writers who had a similar voice to mine. When you ask other screenwriters questions like this, they will often push their own agenda and/or subjective preferences. I can assure you that the producers I've worked with are very open minded and are much more likely to warm to a passionately written script they know they'll likely have to make changes to verses a clinical script that leaves a lot of stuff bare. That's my experience.

As a writer trying to break in, you really need to offer an enjoyable read. You have to put your enthusiasm out there and take the reader on a rich journey. You need to because you don't have the established kudos that will carry someone to the end should they find the prose cold and clunky. A spec script from an unknown is a different beast than a production script penned by a respected writer/director. The former has to work a lot harder to solicit a connection while the latter can just get on with business.

My only technical advice is to always try to write any action roughly inline with the imagined pacing. By that I mean, if you want to describe thirty seconds of action, use around half a page. If you have a two and a half minute car chase, don't make it seven pages long. You don't need to be obsessive about it but you want the read to imitate how the film would play out by avoiding being too indulgent or too brief.

I think it depends how you want to sell it. If you're going to produce it yourself, anything goes...you can write anything you want. I got straight A's in Advanced Screenwriting. Plus, I won Best Screenplay, 2018.

If you're writing it to pitch it to sell it to someone else's vision (letting it go), be strict about the plot--only. No camera shots, unless it's transitions or supers. Focus on plot and character development. Also, my best advice: include Aristotle's six elements of dramatic structure. Winner!

Hope this helps!

Andrea Calabrese

For quick cutting action, you can also use an "Angle on" tag as your scene line.

ANGLE ON CHAIR

Or CU if there is an important close up you don't want the camera to miss.

CU: GUN HIDDEN UNDER TABLE

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