Screenwriting : Which logline will producers prefer? by Jisen John Ho

Good point about the verbs. As to the exorcist's moral dilemma. He obviously wants his daughter back alive rather than lose her again. The stakes get higher in acts 2-3 of the story after he discovers that the longer his daughter stays in the hosts body the more she devolves from a good spirit into an evil demon. His demonized daughter also promises to bring his deceased wife back from the dead, if he agrees to let her stay.

Here is a revised version of each with better verbs. Version 1 (stronger verbs) A priest must either to purge his daughter's spirit from a host or allow his daughter's spirit take over the host's body. Version 2 (stronger verbs) When a priest investigates a case of demonic possession and discovers that the possessing demon is his own deceased daughter's spirit then he must either purge the spirit or let it take over the host's body. I call him a priest to make his exact denomination more vague. Also the priest's backstory is that an exorcist recruits and trains him to fight demons after the priest's encounter with a demon, so he could have been a pastor or another Christian spiritual leader who is allowed to marry.

I would definitely read Peter's story. Send it to me. Lol.

ooh high concept idea. re Catholic priests not having kids - the movie Calvary that was an indie hit this year featured Brendan Gleeson portraying an Irish Catholic priest with a kid - he joined the priesthood AFTER he had the kid...

also Lisa I think you are waaay too harsh with "neither", this is a very good concept and the second logline he presented communicated it pretty well. Yeah, there are questions, but so what, you have a core dilemma we haven't seen before... pretty sure producers would be intrigued

Well, it's a horror and the priest's inner turmoil between making a moral decision and amoral decision is part of the conflict, at least his internal conflict. Also the priest's main foil is the mother of the host who suspects that the priest is up to no good when he tries to adopt her daughter (the host) so that his daughter can take over the host's body. The host's mother (who also has a Christian background) faces moral a moral dilemma of taking the easy way out of murdering the priest, taking her own daughter back and telling everyone that this "priest" was an emotionally unstable fanatic who never got over the death of his wife and daughter and kidnapped her & her daughter because he was insane. My point is: The tension between morality and amorality or making a socially valid or "creepy" decision is a core component of the central conflict and a moral dilemma every character in the story goes thru. The priest's other choice is to face the truth he sees and the host's mom tries to get him to see but which he cannot accept: That the longer his daughter possesses her daughter's body, the more the priest's daughter becomes a demon herself. The story is MEANT to be creepy, that's why it's a horror. It forces us to face our dark side, a dark side we hide from our friends, husbands, wives, kids and co-workers and maybe, only maybe only acknowledge to ourselves if we are honest. As far as creepy, amoral characters are concerned: surely Walter White fit that paradigm and while I thought the show was slightly over-rated and lost some momentum after Gus Fring died I think more men than would like to admit in good company liked the show because we empathized with him. Surely I found those pictures of Walter White's predatorial but very, very, powerful alpha male facial expression on those subway advertisements appealing on a visceral level and that's one reason I joined the bandwagon and watched the show. The priest's other choice is to do as his mentor advises and exorcise his daughter and later on his wife, lose them forever and let host and the host's mom live their lives out together peace. Bottom line: the tension between a moral and amoral (creepy) decision is central to the story. Another example of a creepy but effective horror story is the first HellRaiser movie which addresses a lot of the director's anti-social sexual fetishes. It's not something I relate to and I found HellRaiser a bit too gory for my taste but something about the dark underbelly that it's core story addressed made it a powerful albeit disturbing story. Just so you know, in my story, every one makes the moral decision in the end though they all face the temptation of giving in to their longings and fears. In fact one of my favorite characters in my story, who is not mentioned in the logline, is compelling because he is so anti-social, sort of like the Joker in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight movie, that we all root for our main characters to run away from him. I'm sure you also heard that in the critical darling movie 'The Babadook', the 'Babadook' in question is a metaphor for the anger that some mother's feel towards their children..

I so enjoyed "The Possession" ,which showed a spirit that had to be removed by a rabbi. It led me to investigate further. Evidently, Catholics do not have the market cornered. Rabbis have been doing this for centuries.

I think it's high concept, Jisen. I would love to read the script.

Ron, I understand what you are saying. This (very rough) logline better captures the central conflict of the story: When two good female spirits occupy the same body, the father of the first spirit and the mother of the second spirit must resolve their fight over whose daughter gets to keep the body before both daughters become demons.

I think the version of the logline that reveals the conflict between the parents of 2 different children is a more accurate depiction of the overall story but I don't think it sells as well to a producer as the 1st loglines that emphasize the new twist to the tried & true exorcist, demonic possession story line. Maybe I'm wrong on that point though.

The second is phrased better, beginning with "When...", but needs editing: spirit is used twice in this single sentence, remove the word "either" (for example) and "decides" is a weak conflict indicator.

I like the second one with just a little flea from the first one. I say ditch the demon daughter, because unless she was just one hellish (no pun intended) child, she would not comeback as a demon. According to lore, most of Lucifer's followers were cast out of Heaven along with him. So, he all ready has his demon posse so to say. When a person dies, again according to mythology, the spirit will go to Heaven or to Hell, either way they are still a spirit or " ghost.". They have simply passed on. I say, keep the little girl as a spirit who has yet to pass and when she takes control of the other child, she just can't contain herself. Since possession is a sin, but strangely enough also nine-tenths of the law, the possession begins to turn his dead daughter evil. Sorry for rambling on, but the idea is good, and I think if you do some switching around with both log lines you will eventually hit the right one.

A roman Catholic priest would know better that it is a demon and not his daughter. They don't recognize reincarnation on any level. The premise is flawed. What you are describing is demonic only. I would not present this logline to a producer just yet. Do some research on this subject first.