Screenwriting : Beautiful Souls by Glenn Doyle

Hey Glenn, I just left some notes for you on your logline page though I'm not quite sure if you really need then if you have stuff already going into production.

Hi Pierre. Thanks for the read and the fantastic feedback. Of course I still need it. I have a few things going into production but have been writing for less than a year so still a lot to learn. I chose to upload this one because I liked the idea of it and think it can be a good little short but on paper there's quite a few issues that I'd like to sort out. Feedback like you gave is priceless and can help me sort out what I want to do next. Big thank you.

You're more than welcome, Glenn and it's so good to see acknowledgement. Good luck to you, dude

I made a comment, as well.

Glenn: I read your sample script. Strong opening and well written. However, some of the dialogue towards the last pages when dad is talking about deal he made is expository. But the main thing is you have a compelling first ten pages. Definitely craft a better logline with about thirty words summarizing your story. If you can, identify protagonist, antagonist and obstacles or challenges.

Thanks for the read Phillip. Means a lot. The dialogue between father and daughter is definitely something I wanted to fix in the next draft. And, yeah, the logline will be changed. Glad you somewhat enjoyed it though. Cheers.

I definitely enjoyed it. You write well.