Screenwriting : Paragraph Descriptions by John Ravitz

Post a couple of sample pages to your logline page and I'll take a look.

are you writing several sentences all lumped together like a paragraph? You should write 1 (sometimes 2) sentences at a time with a space between. it helps keep the reader moving along.

I'll give you an example....

The following is a paragraph and too wordy....

Travis finally reads his rejection email for his screenplay pitch and feels sad. He begins to cry. He slowly punches himself in the head. He rises from the chair, reaches his arms to the ceiling, and then flops to his knees. His wife enters the room. She smacks him in the face and then leaves. Travis stops crying.

better would be.... (a line of space between each sentence)

Travis sits back from his computer screen shaking his head.

He cries and then punches his head frantically.

He rises from the chair, raises his hands up, and then falls on his knees.

His wife enters the room and smacks him. She exits.

Travis nods his head and stops crying.

something like that, I'm by no means a pro.

i just joined the site; how do I create a logline page?

Steal it from the Pros. Read their scripts. Use what you like and make it yours.

Gilroy (Bourne movies), Wenk (The Equalizer), Black (Lethal Weapon), Frazier (Xander Cage), dSouza (Die Hard), Richardson (Bad Boys) are a few Pros to study and steal.

Hi John, Like Chase, I try and keep mine to 5 lines or less. I know of others who aim for only 4 lines. If you read scripts of films you admire you might be able to see how they did it and incorporate a similar style into your scripts.

On your profile page, there is a loglines section. On the right hand side of that screen there is a box containing a button “Add a new logline / screenplay”. Click that and follow the prompts

John R:

Your action should be broken up into short paragraphs like this.

INT. GITTES' OFFICE

CURLY drops the photos on Gittes' desk. Curly towers over

GITTES and sweats heavily through his workman's clothes, his

breathing progressively more labored. A drop plunks on Gittes'

shiny desk top.

Gittes notes it. A fan whiffs overhead. Gittes glances up at

it. He looks cool and brisk in a white linen suit despite

the heat. Never taking his eyes off Curly, he lights a

cigarette using a lighter with a "nail" on his desk.

Curly, with another anguished sob, turns and rams his fist

into the wall, kicking the wastebasket as he does. He starts

to sob again, slides along the wall where his fist has left

a noticeable dent and its impact has sent the signed photos

of several movie stars askew.

Curly slides on into the blinds and sinks to his knees. He

is weeping heavily now, and is in such pain that he actually

bites into the blinds.

Gittes doesn't move from his chair.

Describe only the relevant information and only what you can see on screen. Briefly describe the action as it is happening in the present tense. Try to keep descriptions under 3 lines and 4 at the maximum. Don’t try describe every single detail in the scene. Paint your scene with broad strokes and let the Reader’s imagination fill in the rest. Avoid describing a character’s every movement. Extraneous character movement is distracting. Do not write thoughts or anything intangible such as emotions. You should only write the physical manifestation of their emotions. Keep a single event, shot or sequence within one description. Have the sentences that compose your description all related to one another then if the action changes you should start a new paragraph.

I strive to hold action text blocks to no more than four lines - three is better. Can't always do it - but try hard. In the Act I opening, I'm setting the stage for the basic story and identifying the major characters so my action blocks are a bit more substantial.. By the time I get into the meat of the story - Act II - my action line text becomes less - often only a partial line. Just keep it tight.