My apologies for my recent silence. I had to put my kitty down on Friday (5/22) after 15 years and coast-to-coast traversing. I wish I could say it was easier because we've known she had kidney disease since the beginning of the year, but her symptoms only emerged within the last few weeks. For such a spitfire, it was hard to see her struggle.
If you talk with me in person, I would gladly tell you more about my little Isa (short for Isabelle, pronounced EE-sah after the lead in Fools Rush In played by Salma Hayek), but here I'd like to share her final wisdom with me.
Earlier in the week she was scratching at our bedroom door like mad. Nothing would quell her - not water, a vigorous litterbox cleaning, nor her favorite, food - she HAD to get into our bedroom. So I let her in, knowing it was a dying cat's wish. She walked the perimeter, more wide-eyed and alert than she'd been in days. Everything checked out, so she found her way onto our bed where she just lay down, content. Maybe it was the quiet of the room, or the soft sun, or the cleanliness that satisfied her, but soon it became clear- it was a craving for how things were when it was just her and me. As if "Mommy and Me" time could heal all wounds. I think she wanted that alone time, but she was also reminding me - never stop clawing at the door. God, she was a fighter, but I trained her to trust me. And I loved her for trusting me. But she also trusted her instinct, and her instinct said 'My place of peace is beyond this door, and if I have to go, I will go on my terms'.
I often have this response to death, the sudden urge to do something that scares me or double down on an effort, but this time it felt more... fatalistic. It's a horrible feeling, to think she had to go in order for me to let go of the last of my hesitation. But it's emboldening to think she was supportive of my journey and our relationship to the end.
May I endeavor to be as bold as my little girl. May you all find your resolve to do what scares you, but in doing so, it will give you peace.
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@Karen I empathise with the loss of your feline friend but luckily you found some closure because of the “Joint Journey” after she clawed her way into your room. Cats are supposed to be psychic to the needs of their owners and this final socialisation at her request, must have pre softened an otherwise numbing shock to follow. An aftermath of personal growth and change, embracing ideas that are challenging even fearful, is the legacy of some cats to their carers. They are fearless, amusing and intelligent creatures that teach us not to take ourselves too serious or be afraid to take risks.
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Sorry to hear about that, Karen! I can relate when my golden retriever Sofie passed away. I guess all we can do is enjoy our time with them while it lasts. They'll always be in our hearts!
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My sincere condolences, Karen. This past year we put down two cats that we've had for many years. It takes a long time for the hole to fill... and it's amazing how much energetic space a feline occupies in a household. Here's to you connecting with her in dreams, or having some sort of knowing that all is better for her.
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Thank you Debbie Croysdale Maurice Vaughan Donald Cadman Philip Sedgwick I really appreciate your thoughtful responses.
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You are welcome, Karen. Here's to those feline muses and healing of the loss.
@Philip & @All It melts me seeing these cat photos from other members cos I can't keep one at present due to travelling. (I moved between countries before covid.) I don't want to go through again, flying back to a lost creature who's been fed but is pining for akin companionship , ( like I did when using services.) Your cat looks like a Bombay Black and also in Stage 32 is @Bill's Julius a marmalade and white tabby, and the pedigree blue of Nick from scripting. I kept a lot of cats when I was younger and sometimes felt that I was the pet, often realizing in retrospect I had been played.
Working away never stopped me from visiting felines. These are a few regulars from a cat sanctuary I visited every day when working in Scandinavia. @Karen I hope your raw loss slowly turns to peace.
Meow.....
Debbie Croysdale I'm not sure what Trevor was breed-wise. He was kind and very evolved. A true muse. He understood a lot of things and often helped my partner and myself by comfortably sitting nearby when we wrote. It's silky to have a cat in the writing workspace. I have acceptance speeches in my head that honor my cats. It's only right!
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@Philip “Silky” cool expletive for cat in creative space.
We are blessed to experience the love animals give to us so freely. My son keeps many. They have litters but there's always one which doesn't make it and these are given to me to care for until they pass. I find myself crying a lot more these days but the love of those remaining, make up for the loss of the little ones I hold till they pass to God.
God Bless you Karen for sharing this.