Screenwriting : Are you sometimes jealous of your friends’ success? by Claire V. Riley

Your feelings are not coming from your friends really having success, they are coming from that deep rooted trauma from childhood being triggered by someone else's success because unconsciously its triggering that childhood trauma of feeling unloved/inadequate. I appreciate you sharing a vulnerable window into your heart because this means you are very self-aware and wanting to find and answer and other people with similar issues can understand what the root cause is. I have had similar experiences and the only way I was ever able to confront them head on was with the aid of psychedelics. They are mostly illegal in most places, but they do allow you to become conscious of your unconscious and fully face the repressed trauma so you can feel/process and overcome it. Once the experience is over, you're entire perception of reality changes, because the truth was you were never really perceiving anything other than your unconscious being triggered.

My pod cast has lots more in-depth explanations about how our perception works, how we can heal, the nature of identity, and psychedelics. I hope you will listen to it for a greater understanding of how things work inside your head.

https://anchor.fm/robert-russo6/episodes/Introduction-to-Robert-e19u091

I'd use the opportunity to learn from that friend. Great resource available to you!

This is such a great question. I think in a way it's a blockage from your own success if you are jealous of another person. It inhibits you from your destiny.

No. Success is the proof of possibility.

This is such a great topic, and thank you so much for sharing such candid information. In my experience, envy and admiration are two sides of the same coin. When I feel this envy arise, I have to remind myself of two things: 1) their success is not about me, and 2) my feelings are about me. Once I recognize that the feeling is about my own disappointment in myself and my efforts, then I can separate the negativity and redirect the energy towards self-improvement.

That all sounds really peaceable and kind, but the truth is, that person may also become my secret nemesis and I can become competitive. If you find this to be your turning point into a downward spiral as well, then I suggest finding a fun way to make it competitive so that you remember the most important part - you're never really competing with them.

Never been jealous of people, always wish everyone the very best. I have always known there is plenty for everyone!

Obviously, we all have challenges to face and your comments are very insightful! Hope you are proud of yourself for getting awareness and moving on up on this subject! I think you are awesome for broaching it here!

Unfortunately I have no friends among film people...but the people I've worked with succeed further, I see no damage to me...

I'm sure your opportunity will come. Having friends like this is a chance to learn/work with professionals already engaged in the productive environment and learn from them with the ease of having greater freedom and affinity.

It is what it is. Only one person in my graduating class, in my view, "made it in show business." Made it meaning income, union membership, peer friends like the Russo bros and flying in private jets with bro-pal actor Chris Evans. No, Im not jealous 'cause the ppl i know put in work, years of poverty and self-doubt... but they pushed through long odds, bet on themselves, chose this lifestyle as their calling.

The emotion is real. The only control we have is how we handle it. So I try to turn those emotions into ambition. Don't compare yourself to others, continue to reach for success. Stay hungry.

If a friend sees success then great, you're now closely networked with successful industry member.

Shane Black watched his friend Fred Dekker get repped by CAA but that led to him being recommended, getting a job offer from Fox, and selling his Lethal Weapon spec.

Roger Avery watched his friend Tarantino make Pulp Fiction which blew up on the festival circuit but was then able to collaborate on Pulp Fiction and get funding for Killing Zoe.

Neoliberalism makes everything feel like a zero sum game. It's not. If the people around you are winning, that increases your odds of winning.

Other people's success tends to look better from the outside too, especially when there's a lot of PR involved. Friend of mine often jokes, from experience, "it takes two million to earn one million".

If you surround yourself with talented and successful people, it'll rub off on you.

Always be happy for other peoples' success, and never be bitter

I totally feel you my friend. While I haven't had jeolousy over success in the entertainment industries as I do not have friend who are interested in this area, I have felt jeolousy over university acceptances for masters. Last year many of my friend got acceptances while I did not and I was happy for them but I felt like a loser. Part of it comes from the pressure of how those around you think. They got in, why didn't you? But I have come to accept the idea that all of us has different kinds of talents and passions. Maybe it is right for their personality to have an academic future while it is not so for me. Similarly you need to measure your success not within others' success but within your own person. Nobody is allowed to call you unsuccessful but yourself. Not even the top professionals. Once you assert that idea, you get a certain confidence in yourself that pushes you towards expanding your limits and making your way towards your OWN definition of success. Do not expect some kind of fate, an industry professional or any other person to label you as successful. While their opinion matter, it does not matter as much as yours. Like Shakespeare said, it is not in our stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.

Robert Russo - thank you for the link to your podcast. The idea of using psychadlics is interesting to me. I'll check it out. Thanks!

Cara Rogers - Yes! I now see my friends' successes as proof that it is possible, an example of how to do it, and even connections for me to break through. Thanks for your response.

I go outta my way to help others succeed.

Dan Guardino - I consider a success achieving a goal. A screenwriting example would be optioning/selling a script, or getting and agent or manager.

Kristin Holloway - Exactly! I'm not clearing what I have put in my own way, and I am unconsciously telling myself there is something wrong with success. Thanks for your response.

Craig D Griffiths - Yes! If you can achieve the same goal I have, that only proves it is possible. Thanks for your repsonse.

Doug Nelson - fantastic!

CJ Walley - Great examples of people helping each other. Thanks!

Psychedelics are not necessary, mindfulness meditation/self hypnosis/hypnosis/past life regression will get the same results without the risk. When getting into this work please do not give your power away to anyone or anything.

I can relate strongly and I appreciate your openness about it. It's rarely talked about, but it should be. Because so much of this industry focuses on people who've had success, and ignores the majority of people still striving for that, without recognising what it takes to keep going. I'm talking about the gradual erosion of self-esteem.

The hardest part for me is the solitude of screenwriting and a lack of understanding from people who don't know how hard it can be to find success. When people ask, genuinely, "When are you going to give up?" it's like a slap in the face. It's that feeling of being misunderstood. It's not always possible to surround yourself with talented and successful people who can boost your self esteem.

Our family and friends are the ones we are exposed to the most, and if they think we're wasting our time, despite professional feedback to the contrary, it leads to more isolation, which can be very harmful over time. In other words, bitterness and frustration are natural feelings to have when you suffer from low self-esteem, depression, or don't have a support network.

We need to listen and talk about the struggles of writing, so we can develop confidence and know we're on a constructive path, even when our friends and family don't always support that as we'd like.

For some reason I can't tag people in this post.

I am mentioning these issues such as jealousy or perfectionism in posts because I don't hear people talk about these things very much, if at all. And I have found that these mental/emotional issues, what I call mindset issues, have kept me from achieving goals, or caused me duress which made my achieving success, take a long time, and maintaining it difficult.

And I know that if mindset has been an issue for me, it must be an issue for some other people.

I raise the issues for those who want to discuss.

My biggest message is if we have any uncomforable experiences, give ourselves tons of love! Love heals all. ❤

Karen "Kay" Ross - thanks for responding to my post. Yes, I think we need to address topics like these as screenwriters so we can find ways to handle the thoughts and feelings and not allow them to get in our way. ❤

Frankly, I'm pleased by the success of others and do whatever I can to encourage it and promote them. Also there is a small part way down in my soul that is more competitive than jealous - that drives me to do better.

I'm only jealous of my sister's success.

Thank you Geno, Doug, Sabrina and CJ for responding. I can't seem to tag people in this post. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. I appreciate your additions to the conversation!

Claire, I attended my high school graduating class' (1973) 45th reunion in September 2018...and found out one of my classmates went on to become a producer at Iowa Public Television.

I thought to myself: "Man, that's way cool!"

Growing up in Iowa (and spending most of my childhood in my birth city of Des Moines), I faced an abusive childhood, too...what with an alcoholic mother. The household I was in was full of constant faultfinding, constant belittling...the topper being: "Jim, I wish you'd never been born!"

And all this on top of (yes, I need to tell the truth) having to face, face, face America's institutionalized racism.

Still...I feel cool with my older brother (he ended up living with maternal aunts after Mom put him up for adoption) becoming a Navy submarine commander (and becoming a Navy SEAL!) and retiring in 2006 (after 35 years in this country's armed forces). And I feel cool with my younger brother becoming an accountant for a United Methodist church in Indianola, IA (17 miles south of downtown Des Moines).

Plus: I like what you said about reframing the negative stories from your life into positive, loving ones. (Something I struggle to work on!)

Well...here goes:

I've been a machine operator in a plastics factory for 18 years now...and I was in a documentary movie, 2012's "The Entertainers." (And it won several awards at film festivals!)

Claire, keep on keeping on...all the VERY BEST to you! Glad you're here on 32!