The first couple pages of my screenplay are highly visual, included mostly as metaphors, and aren't really part of the main story, but they make it more profound. Describing these scenes takes a lot of paper in a written pitch, not including them takes a lot of the meaning and fun from the story. If I describe the scenes at the beginning of the pitch, it feels like the story isn't happening fast enough, if I put them in at the end, as a sort of backdrop, the intent is sort of lost. Has anyone had a similar issue and dealt with it? Thanks
Screenwriting : Opening scenes in a written pitch by Jay Johnson
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How does your "visual metaphor" read on screenplay pages?
My 2cents: if you're explaining metaphors in description paragraphs on a screenplay page, it's probably not good.
The "metaphor" scenes are very action oriented and fun, but they occur in childhood and in college, whereas the main story occurs at midlife. The opening scenes set up the protagonist character and his arc, add meaning, etc. It's just not thrifty to put them in a (2-page) pitch. Thanks, Dan
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Hello Jay, I'm trying to figure out written pitches myself.
One requirement I have received as feedback is, they demand "STORY!".
If we Screenwriters can not present our special scenes to them as the STORY's mega building block ie, Inciting Incident, mid-point, all is lost, then avoid them.
For most EXECs if the pitch isn't not presented to them as "High Concept" they do not have time to look not be looking elsewhere.
Good Luck Jay.
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Thanks Paul!
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And having provided all the technical details you want to hope that luck would push it forward. All the best, my friend.
I finished and submitted the pitch, page and a half straight story, then described the opening metaphoric scenes at the end under a separate heading.
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Hello Jay, you did it great. I hope the pitch goes well. if you are willing to share with us any feedback on your pitch that would be awesome. Good Luck Paul.
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Sure, Paul. I almost don't want to know. I also did something super experimental, would be glad to send you a pdf of the pitch if you want to msg me your email. THANKS
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I guess the story overwhelmed the exec. He did say it was the most creative or unique pitch he's read and would love to see it get made, but he passed.