Your Stage : My First Logline by Mike Hondro

After a horrific car crash a young mother is stranded in the wilderness with her baby daughter,.... the story/stakes/ losing leads to hell.

How's it going, Mike Hondro?

For a logline, you want something like: "After ______ (something happens/the inciting incident), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes)."

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.

I use these examples often on Stage 32:

Example #1:

"After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families."

Example #2:

"A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help."

Thanks guys, much appreciated!

You're welcome, Mike Hondro. Congrats on finishing your first script!

Maurice Vaughan thoughts on this revision?

"After a horrific car crash on a remote logging road, a young mother is stranded in the wilderness with her baby daughter. With her supplies dwindling she must hike to safety, all the while being stalked by a mountain lion."

"After narrowly escaping a car crash on a remote logging road, a young mother must hike to safety with her baby through the unforgiving wilderness, as a storm draws closer."

...as she is stalked by a mountain lion

...as a forest fire draws closer

..., guided by the words of her late father

...all while nursing injuries...etc. etc.

(I don't know your story but throw in something perilous)

That's better, Mike Hondro, but I think the logline still needs some work. How about:

"After a horrific car crash on a remote logging road, a young mother hikes to safety with her baby through the unforgiving wilderness as a mountain lion stalks them."

Or

"After a horrific car crash on a remote logging road, a young mother gets stranded in the wilderness with her baby. With her supplies dwindling, she hikes to safety as a mountain lion stalks them."

I'm like "remote"/ "widerness" / "mountain" -- not sure if a bit of the logline can still be cut. I must admit the word 'wilderness gives a strong image of she's in deep sh.t, of urgency.

"After a horific car crash strands a mother and baby in the wilderness, she must hike to safety -- all the while stalked by a hungry mountain lion."

Or the shortest:

"After a horific car crash strands a mother and (her) baby in the wilserness, she must hike to safety with a hungry mountain lion on tail."

* Ending a logline with the antagonist is called" burying the lead," but isn't that (almost) exactly what the hungry lion wants.

* must=,is her taking controle

"hike" compared to "hikes" -- is more active

* Use "her" and you know it's "hers."

* I like "all the while' -- not leaving het alone for a second -it creates impossible odds! But it also includes the inactive word "stalked"

* A "logging road" : it just 'maybe' tells us the protags surroundings, but the story and its surroundings are only relevant AFTER the car crash.

I like your loglines, Rutger Oosterhoff, but "hikes" is more active than "must hike" because "must" indicates that the character is forced to do something. I remember a speaker talked about this in a Stage 32 Writers' Room event, but I can't remember which one.

Here's the Writers' Room event, Rutger Oosterhoff. It was "The Official Write Now Challenge Post: Your Logline Review" by Audrey Knox. https://www.stage32.com/lounge/vip/The-Official-Write-Now-Challenge-Post...

... Yes she 'must' take controle!

Audrey versus the three-guru-thinktank from www.logline.it

Wow, I didn't know so much went into a log line! Thanks everyone for all the great suggestions and feedback. Definitely a lot for me to take away and work on! Thanks again everyone!

Yeah, a lot goes into a logline, Mike Hondro. Looking forward to the script.