Screenwriting : Is the mention in the logline of a nuclear meltdown a turnoff ? by Roberta M Roy

You'll attract many doomsday story-lovers, many preppers, and dystopian readers. If that's your target audience, full (nuclear) steam ahead! If you want to soften the instigating event, try an euphemism: "After a cataclysmic explosion..." "After a surprise attack on world governments ..." However, it depends on what you want to convey: are we going down for the count? Is there a raid on Dairy Queen? How bad is bad? Only you know, but the cause must be bad enough for the effect to make sense. Evacuating L.A. because there's no more chocolate ice cream is overreacting. (Well, okay, for people like me, that would be a crisis.)

If it’s part of the narrative it’s part of the narrative. One thing the longline can do with is an indication of a lead character and their story.

My impetus for the writing is to inform and entertain. To inform people on how to respond in the event of a nuclear meltdown both as individuals and as a community and to entertain them with original characters with their own challenges to solve. Of the 90 nuclear power towers in the USA, 8 have had meltdowns and depending on the distance one lives from the plant one either hunkers down or flees. That said, the story is one of individual, family and community problem solving. It is not about disaster. It is about survival. So on the one hand, I'd like people to think nuclear disaster, while in the main I would like them to expect effective problem solving and meaningful answers.

It's part of the narrative, Ewan Dunbar, but your suggestion to use a lead character is one I will work on. Thank you.

And, Jenean McBreary, your answer is most insightful! Thank you.

My guess is that fans of genres such as adventure, and apocalyptic movies would be drawn to a logline that mentions nuclear meltdown.

I'm not sure if mentioning a meltdown in the logline will be a turn off for the family audience, Roberta M Roy, but I like Jenean McBrearty's suggestion (If you want to soften the instigating event, try an euphemism: "After a cataclysmic explosion...").

Hi Roberta, I think whomever you're pitching the project to should recognize that your story is not actually about the nuclear meltdown. The logline does feel like the tone of the story is slightly darker; if that's not the case, then perhaps try to shift the focus to your characters and how they come together post disaster.

Roberta: I've given your post another read, and it got me thinking about a sociology insight I used in class about cooperation. The insight is that, for any given problem, a random group of people will possess the necessary skill sets/information to either solve or ameliorate the situation.To demonstrate this, I gave the class the following problem: you folks have survived a disaster ... what's the first thing you do? Almost immediately, someone who has had military training will speak up and say the obvious: a leader to assess and organize supplies of water, food, shelter, a guarded perimeter and waste disposal, providing physical security for women and children. But, after that, then what? Who has building/construction skills? Who knows how to sew, cook, etc. Who has electrical/communication experience? Your movie is a depiction of how people MUST cooperate, not just to sing kum-bya, but to survive. What works in theory or a classroom, however, does not always happen in real life as we saw with the Katrina debacle: conflict and danger are inherent in any disruption of the daily expectations we have as civilized people. Am I in the ballpark with your project? Is this what you're getting at in your script? Does your collection of characters attempt to build a utopia? Just a little food for thought ....

Insightful. What I learned when I took the 100 hours of instruction with the military in how to survive mass events is that overall people respond cooperatively when the community is endangered. Look at Ukraine. And that is what I sought to illustrate in the Jolt Survival Series. A few veterans, a city planner, and a retired librarian lead the response and provide the structure and despite a few complainers, the community responds to provide deconning, food, housing, water, clothing, and medical care to the mass of forced migrants that overrun their small mountain village. My hope was to offer an informative model on community response to mass emergencies.

Excellent suggestion, Molly Peck.

How is this? At a distance sufficiently far from a nuclear meltdown to permit people to choose to hunker down or flee to survive, the Matters family; in a small distant mountain village veterans, Thaw and Lem, lead an effort to accommodate hundreds of forced migrants; and Lou Matters, recuperating from brain injury, looks to the future use of nuclear fusion.

Hi, Roberta. I think the first part ("At a distance sufficiently far from a nuclear meltdown to permit people to choose to hunker down or flee to survive") is too long. I also think you need to redo the structure of the rest of the logline. I think the semicolons, commas, and extra information (like "in a small distant mountain village veterans") make the logline sound off/confusing. Hope this helps.

I know what you mean, but how to do it?

There's too much detail in the logline. Something like:

After a disaster at a nuclear power plant, local residents must shelter in their homes or flee radioactive fallout in order to survive while others [in a remote mountain village] rally to help the forced refugees.

My initial concern is what we’ll actually see. Sheltering and fleeing aren’t necessarily that dramatic, especially once people are in place or have fled to safety. After a meltdown, the area surrounding the plant would be evacuated. Those with radiation injuries would be treated but the rest of the former inhabitants of the area would have to re-establish themselves in a new location, find new jobs, etc.

Looking to the future of nuclear fusion isn’t especially dramatic. It’s interesting for the scientists, but most of these former residents would have little to do with it.

The most dramatic event would be the nuclear accident itself. The disaster could be a meteor strike or any other single occurrence event. After that, it’s just people picking up their lives and trying to move on.

I’ll go have my coffee and think about it some more. :)

Your log line is too long. And I agree, what happens after they hunker down or flee?

A case is made a nuclear disaster with thousands of people fleeing in cars or on foot is inherently dramatic. The fight to live. It'd be chaos. Fear. Uncertainty.

Same with sheltering. Without preparation there's a lack of basic amenities: food, water. Food would have to be canned. Did people stock for an emergency. Plus securing the home's doors and windows against fallout.

Businesses would be closed. No gas stations open. Hospitals overrun. No power.

Conflict. Drama.

E. Langley, that’s all true and would be great for a disaster feature. This is apparently going to be a series. People might be fleeing in the first episode (or two?) but there needs to be something driving the series after that.

Maybe I’m missing something, though. These are just my initial thoughts.

Took the existing logline and rewrote it. Don't know. Continued survival. Facing the problems of an area no longer habitable, and society turned on its head.

OP and logline are restricted to the initial aftermath.

This is the series logline/overall logline, Roberta M Roy, so I don't think you need to include so many details. You can include those details in your pilot logline and episode loglines, as you've done on your profile. I like the series logline that's on your profile: "To survive a nuclear meltdown, people living 35 to 200 miles from the power plant hunker down or flee to survive, accommodate forced migrants in a small mountain village, and look to the use of safer nuclear fusion in the future."

I agree with you, Maurice. But I also can understand the need for including persons in it with personal needs and goals. The difficulty is that because the pilot is really composed of scenes taken from the nine episodes I'd previously written, representing the full scope of the series as it was developed is really not possible in one sentence. It is easier to write a logline based on the needs of a few characters in a pilot for which the story and action lines across a full season have yet to be developed.

I believe it's just too much to put in one sentence David F. Schwartz.

Loglines can also be two sentences, Roberta M Roy.

People are trying to escape after an accident at a nuclear power plant.

Hi Roberta, I don't get a strong sense of family and community being the central focus from this logline. Not necessarily because of the nuclear meltdown, but more because the logline is still a bit too broad-reaching. Sometimes it helps to distill it down to an absurdly short statement and then ask yourself what is essential and add from there.

My challenge is to include in the logline attention to the fact that distance from the meltdown is the main determinate of the severity and type of impact. The story omits discussion of those closer than 35 miles from the meltdown as all of these people survive. Those closer are likely to be impacted by radiation fallout to the extent they die or develop radiation sickness and cancer.

With the help of the Script Gurus, my new logline is: After a disaster at a nuclear power plant, residents shelter in their homes or flee radioactive fallout in order to survive while others in a remote mountain village rally to help the forced migrants.

Hope screenplaygurus.com attributed the logline. I wrote it.

We attributed to a user here. But only as a sample jumping off point for the writer to craft their own.

Fine work, BTW.

Thanks. NP. It was meant for Roberta to use. Hope it brings her luck.

Would you consider "a nuclear incident" instead? It would give you the chance of adding a layer of mystery to exactly what happened.

Yes, E. Langley. Your revision of my logline was cited as improved and from which the words 'local' 'and the brackets were removed and the word migrants substituted for refugees. As such, I am most grateful to both you and the screenplaygurus.com. You have been helpful in providing that step for my use. So thank you so much!

That would add mystery, Bill, except there is more than a nuclear incident as there are also dirty bombs.

Welcome. Looks good, RM.

The brackets were meant to encapsulate optional text.