I've had numerous folks check out my logline here and on InkTip, some big players amongst them. They don't go any further than that though. I thought my logline was weak, but after having researched several examples from big projects that resonated with the general audience, I don't see it as weak. It is a feature that deals with a very pertinent aspect of society in the modern age.
Any personal experiences on creating greater impact would be awesome.
Cheers,
Mark.
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Mostly because execution (the script) don't match the advertising (logline), so better have an awesome script and an average logline than vice-versa...but's that's the catch, right :)
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How many people, decision-makers, actually look past a lackluster logline?
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Been optioned with such a logline, so there you go...just speaking outta experience, since been asked for it...
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If you mean the logline in your profile, then I think readers doubt the commercial success of your idea.
I don't see your login as a hero that I want to empathize with. The logline does not correspond to the declared genres.
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There is no set anything in this world. Does this person have faith in loglines. Is she a first 5 pages person. Is he a full screenplay sort of guy.
It is a little like saying what is the favourite colour of single women. It depends on the person.
The only thing I aim for is to be exceptional at every stage.
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Appreciate the comments. Food for thought.
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Nice to meet you, Mark Thorpe. I checked out your logline. I didn't fully understand the concept from your logline. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The pilot logline and episode loglines for a TV show might not follow this template, but the series logline could.
Stage 32 also has logline webinars that can help: www.stage32.com/webinars?search=logline
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OK, what your story outline suggests is this:
A hardboiled detective must stop the bloodshed that ensues, when a frustrated environmentalist abandons peaceful activism in favor of violence and sets off a global movement of eco-terrorism.
The thing is that both in your logline and outline, the real conflict is sort of lost. The eco-terrorist wants to force real political change through violence. Is he the hero of the story? Does he succeed? What are his obstacles?
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It's hard to say exactly how people are reading your work but it sounds like you have the right approach to keep your stories and loglines fresh and interesting.
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Thanks for the feedback. Christiane, I wanted the logline to be seen as 'open' insofar as allowing the audience to decide who their hero would be in the story. I'm sure there will be those rooting for the protagonist and those rooting for the Caops. Also, as some of the comments suggest, it's hard for folks to get their heads around heroes or heroines in films other than the cookie-cutter standard.
With the suggestion that this plays out in a very real-world situation of natural degradation, it stands to reason that a hero emerges from those demanding change regarding the industrial pillaging of the World in which the story takes place. That, rather than the age-old hero cop who stands to defend the laws protecting those who instill the damage on the World as the protagonist sees it. It's a challenge to convey that into a logline.
Cheers for the feedback though folks; much appreciated.
Hi ,Mark. I have had same issue with lookers going no farther than logline. After tweaking them countless times and even using professional log lines, I tend to think some sites just don't really have many execs reading anything or really looking on said sites for material.