I've created a logline for my new screenplay, Rorino's Defenders: Island Of The Hybrids. Anyone mind giving me some feedback on it?
Citizens of different skills in the city of Rorino are brought together by it's president to stop alien hybrids from destroying their city.
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Hi Hanna: it could use some pep. This seems more like a story idea than a logline. If you have 30 seconds to sell your idea to a prodco, how would you hook them? A hero to root for, impossible odds set into action by a notable event, a challenging enemy (real or figurative), and a goal. Go... ;-) BTW - I am terrible at my own loglines, so it's just my take. Cheers.
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That makes sense! Thanks for the feedback!
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I like the idea of the president bringing people together to save their city, Hanna Arley.
I think your logline needs some work. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story, and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story, and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
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Hanna Arley I think our resident sherpa Maurice Vaughan and Matthew provided great ideas to work with. Loglines = copywriting -- selling the story on paper. That said, it's ALWAYS a work in progress. What you have for a logline before you write the project may change as you get into it, change again after the first act, and change again after it's done. It's true for book titles, back covers, and every website page. :)
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Thank you for all of your help! I will most definitely edit it :)
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"What you have for a logline before you write the project may change as you get into it, change again after the first act, and change again after it's done." Definitely, Debbie Elicksen. Sometimes I rewrite a logline more than I rewrite the script.
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You're welcome, Hanna Arley.
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Your story beats are quite clear but you might want more tone.
A city president must hammer bravery into every member of the community and together with every available skill rise up against their bought and paid for alien hybrids.
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As alien-hybrids destroy the Island City of Rorino, uniquely skilled citizens look to their President for leadership.
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Just adding a little punch here:
Rorino's diverse residents, each with unique talents, scramble to unite under their president's leadership to thwart the threat of alien hybrids.
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Who is the main character? Surely there’s one (or two) that stand out. How would you describe them briefly, (a plucky secretary, a firefighter with psd, a marine biologist, etc).
Cities don’t tend to have presidents. At least not in the USA in the present day.
You’re using the wrong “it’s”. Possessive “its” has no apostrophe.
It sounds like Divergent with aliens...