I received my first 10 page review for my gay rom-com, "Can I Keep You?", and coincidently, a review of the full script I received on Coverfly had the same notes...my action lines are too long smacks head. Also the Stage32 exec suggested possibly finding a more unique hook to make the project stand out. Though, I am pleased that both reviews appeared to have really liked the story set-up and the characters. However, I'm unsure of what the final rating means on the 10 page review. It says, Writer: "Recommend", Project: "Consider". At the risk of sounding dense, what does that mean?
Here's an excerpt of the review:
"The first 10 pages of "Can I Keep You?" was a charming read and a very strong set-up for a queer-themed rom-com. With the success of "Red, White, and Royal Blue" on Amazon Prime, it seems like the market has opened up a bit to more mainstream, gay romantic comedies. The concept of this set-up doesn't read as super original, however I think it is a clean set-up (new years resolutions with a very clear goal of kissing someone by next year which adds a nice ticking clock to the plot) that would work well.
OVERALL: A very charming opening to a gay rom-com. Character work and dialogue is good - pacing and action lines could be trimmed down to lighten up the read. (Without having read the entire script) I would suggest you give the story some kind of unique hook to allow it to stand out in this genre, and feel elevated enough to be interesting to director/star/producer attachments."
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It's a nice way of saying it's efficient, but not unique. It's just like the majority of gay rom coms out there. That said, the Hallmark channel uses the same basic script for every movie and no one complains, so there may be a home for you. Good luck.
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Remember, I don't write comedies, but here's my take on the feedback: You write well, but for script and production purposes, you need to tighten your writing...fancy term for EDIT. Example: Joe & Bill are having their first fight after moving in together at breakfast
Joe enters the kitchen as Bill is stirring eggs.
Joe: Scrambled eggs again? Don't tell me, you're going Keto. Great. Can eggs and Pizza co-exist? I think you should know, my mother is a dietician at St. James' Hospital. She won't like you ...er..your diet.
Bill: I"m not fond of that slip of the tongue. Usually, I'm game for anything .. but insult?
As Joe stirs eggs, Bill stirs pancake mix and they elbow each other at the stove.
Edited: Joe: Can egg man and pancake man co-exist exist, Obi-Wan-ketobi?
Bill: Your dietician mom will love me.
Joe. She won't. I know. She's a friend of mine.
Bill: You have no friends. Nobody likes a weight-nazi.
Just food for thought.
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Bill McCormick You know what kind always gets me? I feel as though the word "unique" gets thrown at us aspiring writers so much but whenever I scroll through my streaming services, I see FIVE of the same exact movies. And someone is producing/buying/financing them so who's telling the truth? Also, I worked with a producer last summer who sells projects to Hallmark and sadly, he told me that they're moving away from LGBTQ rom-com content.
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Jenean McBrearty Yeah, I've been back in the script since I got the Coverfly review and I see where I've been long winded when it comes to scene descriptions and have been going through it again to dial back. Less is more is what I am taking from it.
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Xavion Niles, I'm on a different boat. What I'm shopping has been called "too unique" and then gets lauded. As to Hallmark, I imagine they'll return. Not for me, of course, but hopefully for you and everyone else who writes LGBTQIA+ friendly romances.
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The way "Recommend" and "Consider" were explained to me is that Recommend is the best rating they can give, as in: based on the work they've seen, they recommend you as the writer (or the story if they had given a Recommend behind the story). While Consider essentially means the potential is there, but it might need some re-working, first. Which fits with the feedback they gave about trimming the action and giving the story a unique hook (different than what it currently has, or at least put a different twist on the current hook to make it different from similar stories).
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Sallie Olson Thank you for breaking that down for me, have a way better understanding! A writer's work is never done, is it? LoL!
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Xavion Niles That's what makes it a fun and worthwhile endeavor: We can keep learning and expanding our skills indefinitely!
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Everyone just needs to keep doing stuff with their things. Or the other way around. It doesn't matter. Keep on plugging.
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Bill McCormick I enjoy the LGBTQ holiday romcoms on Hallmark and they get shown every year which means there's an audience so hopefully they will return. "Can I Keep You" is a script I'm extremely passionate about and envision it being a classic once someone shares belief in the project. "Too unique" sounds as though they feel the premise may be too "far out" for it to be relatable but again, finding the balance between "common" and "standout" is probably the hardest thing to achieve as a writer.
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Xavion Niles this is a rejection I got yesterday. It was all about the money - “We really enjoyed this story. If it’s not funded in a year, please reach back to us.”
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Xavion, skimmed through your script. The action lines can probably be an easy fix. If you see each line as a separate shot (wich isn't always the case) you just cut up your paragraphs like that. It means you get more paragraphs, but also more white space, breathing room.
About the consider, qua logic I could imagion it is as Sally says, but of course non of us can be sure, we can get some logic out of the 'review text' but we're still no mindreaders.
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It Means nothing from script services.
get reads at production companies & employers making movies for a living. Compare your writing with peers in the same space/genre. Win over other writers; they get you jobs than reps. GL!
so sad
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It means the voice is stronger and stands out more than the story/plot. usually it means the dialogue is stronger than the rest of the script. If youre looking for more in-depth and interactive NOTES from someone who is actually a member of the LGBTQ Community, im happy to help over at No BullScript. message me!