Most of the feedback I've received on my script for The Leviathan boils down to the same flaw: a concept that isn't original enough for a TV series. Some of the reviewers on Coverfly say that I should consider adding a unique twist or element that would set it apart from other series.
I'm trying to think of how I can do that. I feel like my pilot script does distinguish itself from similar police procedural shows by delving more into character study, religious symbolism and psychological trauma.
My question to you is how can you go beyond that concept to make it original? There are plenty of detective stories and police shows out there, yet they find a way to reach their audience. Why is that?
In other words, is it really possible to make a known concept even more original?
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What about giving your protagonist a unique skill he/she uses during cases or a unique flaw that gets in the way of solving cases, Marcel Nault Jr.?
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Stories are about people. So an audience wants to connect with a person or some people in a story. Then we experience all that you are discussing through their life.
So what makes the people in your story a unique viewing experience?
If I was going to write a police procedural I would make one of the cops a noble corrupt cop. He has decided you will never stop crime, so he is choosing the crime to let exist. This is a similar mindset to “The Shield”.
Or a cop that has lost his memory after having a head injury. He is still capable of the job, but cannot remember anything prior to a particular date. So we have him solving crimes and we get hints each show of his life as he tries to put it together.
Or something outrageous, a cop is a vampire.
We need a universe and people. Then we can watch what they do. This will make us think.
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I think you can start by trying to shift the perspective of the characters or strengthen the social issues and realities in the story. Also strengthen the cause-and-effect that occurs in the story. Whether it's in dialog, action, or events. Maybe this way you can find a fresh way of telling the story in the script.
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Maurice Vaughan I've been going back and forth in the past few days about that. His flaws are easy to understand: his trauma and the shame that comes with it, his lone-wolf mentality and shielding himself from others, but he slowly opens up about it in the third act of my pilot.
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Craig D Griffiths Exactly! It's all about making your audience care about the characters. No human being is perfect and my main character is far from it, as well as the other ones. I wouldn't go as far as transforming my protagonist into an undead creature of the night though. lol
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Hasan Faizal I never thought about it that way. Then again, I feel like the city of Albany, NY (the setting of my story) is a character in itself. And yes, there are cause-and-effect moments in my pilot script. You just have to pay attention to them.
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I just thought of something, Marcel Nault Jr. I checked out your logline and saw he's a detective. What if you gave him a different role? Instead of him being a detective, maybe make him part of the gang unit, S.W.A.T., or a role in the police department that's not usually shown on TV. I think most of the police procedural shows are about detectives. Changing his role could make your concept stand out.
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Craig is right. You need a universe and the people. Usually a major city or a city with a lot of character. Also, you need a story engine that will take a show out 5 years plus (except for streamers). That means potential for a new major crime of the week to be investigated. The show also needs to be able to handle fresh blood coming onto the cast each season due to turnover.
A show with a single detective coming out of retirement to hunt one killer would be tough to sustain beyond one season for a typical procedural. That sounds more like a show like The Killing that took several seasons to solve one murder due to the large cast of suspects that played like musical chairs. Mindhunter was somewhere in the middle - there were multiple episodes following certain story threads searching for serial killers with the new FBI profiling technique.
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Maurice Vaughan I'm a stubborn guy... So, I'd prefer that he stayed a detective. lol
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Christopher Phillips I'm planning my own TV series in a span of multiple season, preferably with the same characters, but with a different plot each season. It can be about a murder one season, corruption within the municipal council the next, for instance.
Without spoiling anything, the first season of my show would focus around one murder (or a series of murders) committed by the same individual. After that, it would be something new entirely with the same themes surrounding it.
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Marcel Nault Jr. That would take it away from the typical procedural. It would need to layout that there is more than just the one killer involved in the long run and that the team might evolve. Of course, that can be a problem because actors sign up for television shows with the hope of some longevity. But if you look at a show like FBI: Most Wanted, it has managed to deal with complete actor changes (I think there are only two originals remaining) because the "engine" is bigger than any one FBI agent.
Is the cop coming out of retirement on a taskforce? Or is he a solo detective? What happens to the show if he goes back into retirement?
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One thing to consider is how the characters can make it unique. What unique challenges do the detectives personally have in their lives which could both help and hinder them?
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Most of shows out there suck , boring and stupid. How in the world have this shit ever got produced? If you know that your writing is good, stop looking for morons ‘ opinions.
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Christopher Phillips Coming out of "retirement", but a forced retirement in this case. I won't get into the reasons, but something happens that makes his presence (and expertise) a necessity in my story.
And yes, it would not be your typical procedural show... and that's the point. lol I don't want to revisit the same tired plot over and over again.
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Ewan Dunbar It doesn't apply only to my main protagonist, but the secondary ones as well. They have their own problems to sort out throughout the first season.
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Julia Ploshinsky Feedback is always encouraged. And I wouldn't say that they are morons because they give their opinions. lol
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Marcel Nault Jr. that makes total sense. What avenue are you targeting? Network, cable, premium cable, or streamer?
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This is a little hard without having more information - and I am very new to the Writers Room, but here goes. When and where is it set? And how wide was your feedback net? If it is the same response from many sources, then look at adding that element of uniqueness. Is there some part of him that is conflicted against his practical knowledge? What causes him to doubt himself and his surety in his understanding of his world? That flaw - and his denial of it - could be his unique twist.
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Christopher Phillips Cable and streaming mostly. This isn't made from primetime TV, I can tell you that much. lol I'd easily pitch this to producers at HBO, AMC, even Netflix or Amazon Prime.
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Amanda Dettrick I can definitely say that what holds my main protagonist back is himself. I'll leave it at that because I don't want to spoil too much.
My story is set in Albany, NY.
We could discuss more on this privately. You know where to find me. Cheers!