Hey all- I've been quiet for a bit on here. Been a lot happening at the same time. But I could use some help on a new feature logline for a non-linear, cosmic horror feature. How does this strike folks:
When an insomniac cop fails to prevent a jumper from committing suicide, he finds himself struggling to connect the dots to a powerful pharmaceutical company and its new sleep drug, even as he becomes a user of the same pills and a victim of its reality-shifting side-effects.
Any thoughts on this would be most welcome! Hope everyone is having a good week!
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Hey, Jared Michael Delaney. Hope you're doing great! Interesting concept! I think your logline could be tightened up some.
After an insomniac cop fails to prevent a suicide, he struggles to prove a powerful pharmaceutical company and its new sleep drug were responsible, becoming a user of the pills and a victim of its reality-shifting side effects in the process.
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That's the ticket Maurice Vaughan ! Thanks for this. Most grateful!
You're welcome, Jared Michael Delaney.
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Can I try? When an insomniac cop links a new sleep drug to a [young man's? young woman's?] suicide, he goes up against the drug's manufacturer -- and his growing addiction to the pills themselves.
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Hi Patrice! I like this too: simple and clean!
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I'm second-guessing the m-dash but you get the idea.
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A cop discovers a suicide he failed to stop was the victim of a corrupt pharma company whose sleeping pills upset the balance of the user’s mind and realises he/she is an addict too.
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Hi Jared, Maybe...."When a cop who suffers from insomnia discovers he's on the same pharma pilled that caused a man to commit suicide, he sets out to expose the truth behind the company's manufacturer."
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Jared Michael Delaney I have no logline suggestions, but just here to state I would watch this...
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I'd watch this too!
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This is all incredibly useful. Thanks all!
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I like that Debbie mentioned "corrupt pharma company". I'd use that somewhere in the log line.
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That sounds awesome! One thought though... IMHO "finds himself struggling to connect the dots" is a bit too long... You could be more direct, save words. Why not... "must connect the dots" / "must face"...
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Promising. Irony!
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The insomniac cop and the new sleep drug flows perfectly. But "struggling" because he failed to stop someone committing suicide seems to be convoluted info for a logline especially when loglines are meant to be short and to the point. You can of course include that part in the script itself but not necessary to talk about the jumper in the logline. I'd go with this "While investigating a suicide, an insomniac cop discovers that the cause could have been a reality-shifting sleeping pill but the powerful pharmaceutical company behind the drug deters his investigation and threatens to make the sleep deprived cop the next victim when he unknowingly uses it."
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Maybe add in..."He struggles with the reality that he might also fall victim to the drug"?
Here's a shot in the dark - "When a cop fails to prevent a victim's suicide, his overwhelming guilt causes insomnia, forcing him to try to a new sleeping pill which he soon discovers has mind altering properties."
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An insomniac cop fails to prevent a jumper from committing suicide and must infiltrate a pharmaceutical company amidst the release of a powerful new sleep drug with reality-shifting side effects.
my best shot
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When an insomniac policeman is confronted with the terrible side effects of a new sleeping pill, he begins an investigation into a large pharmaceutical company in order to stop the spread of a dangerous drug.
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Very nice, but if you adjust his flaw a tiny bit?
A depressed cop, investigating a life loving girl’s suicide, is in the dark of it being caused by a tampered with sleep drug that also he becomes a user of.
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When an insomniac cop fails to prevent a jumper from committing suicide, he becomes the latest victim of a new sleep drug’s reality-shifting side effects.
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Im so grateful for everyone's thoughts on this! Truly helpful! It's a tricky business, this odd little art form of the logline