Obviously it is preferable to use correct grammar when writing screenplays. But production companies also want screenplays to be as short as possible.
Here comes multiple alternatives for the same scene :
Pauline enters. Walks into the archive. Returns with an unused practice target. Exits. GUNSHOT.
Pauline enters, walks into the archive, returns with an unused practice target, and exits. GUNSHOT.
Pauline enters and walks into the archive. She returns with an unused practice target and exits. GUNSHOT.
Pauline enters. She walks into the archive. She returns with an unused practice target. She exits. GUNSHOT.
What do production companies prefer?
Do they prefer the shortest alternative, the alternative which is most grammatically correct, or what?
the last one is wrong lol
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I would say short incomplete sentences are acceptable and do a good job emphasizing when the action is fast paced.
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Producers and directors prefer different things, Göran Johansson. The great thing about writing a script is you don't have to be grammatically correct. Write action lines whatever way you think will draw people in when they read your script.
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Hi Göran Johansson - I heard once "throw grammar out the window" and I've never looked back. So long as it peps up the pace and doesn't make things sound awkward or confusing... IMP. Does Final Draft even come with a grammar check? I have no idea ;-)
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This will be a good one!
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I use quick incomplete sentences a lot of times, but for this, I'd write. Pauline enters the archive. Moments later, she exits with the unused practice target. GUNSHOT. It's kinda hard to tell what's going on here though. There needs to be more emotion. Pauline enters with caution? She looks around as to not be scene or heard. She quickly retrieves the practice target and rushes out. Suddenly...GUNSHOTS. Just a suggestion : )
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Hi
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Why does Pauline just have to walk? Why can't she shuffle, slink, or roll? Shuffles into the archive, shoulder rolls into the archive, skips into the archive... then retrieves a fresh practice poster, practice display, practice bracket, practice bullseye. GUNSHOT echos off the cement walls, echos off the brick finish, GUNSHOT pierces the air, GUNSHOT presses echo throughout the archive. (You can give them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or Jewish Deli style sophisticated club.) :)
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Your job as a writer is to make sure the reader knows where they are, who they're with, what's happening, and why it's happening with a bit of conflict. I tell folks whom attend my workshops, just don't say "he" or "she" as sooner or later the reader will confuse the who is the "he" and who is the "she". What do you "see"? Go write it. As long as it's clear who is doing what to whom.
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The way you've written it in the example seems to imply different shots for cinematographer, actually.
"Pauline enters, walks into the archive, returns with an unused practice target, and exits. GUNSHOT." Would be the easiest to see the entire scene and know it is Pauline doing it all without needing pronouns.
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More or less grammatically correct.
What they lack is punch. A film exec once said something to the effect, "Don't write people entering rooms unless their pants are on fire." Of course, if the narrative warrants...
What's the emotional content here?
Pauline scans the archive. Twice. Coast clear, she tiptoes in.
She snatches a fresh practice target. Mission complete, she slinks out...
BANG!
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I prefer the least boring sentence. Unfortunately the examples are all terrible. Pass.
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... BANG ... A perfect "10". She drops.
YUSUF DIKEC
(left hand in pocket)
Finally! Gold!!
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I think it really depends Göran Johansson but I say go with your artistic gut, it seems that everyone thinks there is a right and wrong way to writer but some of the most unorthodox scripts have been produced!
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The problem with your examples is that they repeat themselves. She enters the room and walks into the room, it doesn't make sense. Also, the examples could be done in fewer sentences. Try this:
Pauline ENTERS the archive, an unused practice target with her that she sets up before LEAVING again. A moment passes before a GUNSHOT puts a hole straight through the target's forehead.
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Grammar vs. short, production companies preference. Answer: entertainment value boosting the chosen genre.
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What you're looking for is flow. The better the flow, the faster the read.
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Dear friends, many thanks for the large number of comments. OK, in USA, producers bother as little about correct grammar as in my native country. Great.
Any further comments?
You're welcome, Göran Johansson.
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Concise is best if it reads well.
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I agree with Stephen Folker . If it flows well it works. There is a time and a place for longer and more lavish descriptions and there are moments when something short and staccato delivers the punch you want. Read scripts to see when these things are used to deliver the impact you want on the page. When scripts are written in brief note form just to get the page count down, it can lose flow and feel lazy.
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Hi Göran Johansson - I highly recommend this Stage 32 webinar on how to best write descriptions in your screenplays - Spencer gives incredible guidance on this exact topic. Here’s a link so you can check it out: https://www.stage32.com/education/products/how-to-write-descriptions-in-your-screenplays-for-maximum-effect
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Dear friends, many thanks for further comments.
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Always remember that a spec script is there to entice the purchase of the script. It is different than the shooting script. In one aspect you want to keep it as concise as possible, since the reader may actually being using the page count to consider how costly the film would be to make. But not so concise that it doesn't hook the reader.
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hi Göran Johansson i think it really depends in some cases, if you're ever insterested in getting this proofread I recommend checking out our Proofreading coverage service!>>https://www.stage32.com/scriptservices/proofreading
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I don't think (IMHO) that production companies look so much at the punctuation as at the line breaks, which are much more useful to break down a scene and suggest the tempo and the staging required for the scene.
When are we going to eat grandma?
When are we going to eat, grandma?
Sure, punctuation like Direct Address commas are unnecessary. While we're at it, leave all commas and periods out of a script then send it into the world. No one will think the worse of your writing.
And look, no advertisement for services.
Pauline enters. She walks into the archive. She returns with an unused practice target. She exits. GUNSHOT.
I would deal with page count, & would drop 'enters'... lol
Pauline walks into the archive.
She returns with an unused practice target.
She exits.
GUNSHOT.
the reason all have to be dealt with by the director so placement is important
or
Pauline walks into the archive.
She returns with an unused practice target.
She exits.
GUNSHOT.
if it's that important make it that important and give a line
lastly
Pauline walks into the archive with a fart to bless the air.
She returns with an unused practice target that's bigger than her body.
She exits in stress mode looking around.
GUNSHOT SFX
the director will tell you not to fart he will tell you to look for the car... make it small as you can but interesting
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An exaggerated example (IMO):
1) Chef enters the kitchen and takes a book of matches from a drawer. He removes a carton of eggs, some cheese, and veggies from the fridge. He selects spices from a cabinet, strikes a match, and lights the gas stove. In a large bowl, he whisks eggs, cheese, veggies, and spices. Pours it into a pan and...
If how the omelet is made propels the story, why not?
2) Chef enters and makes an omelet. (it is OK to use enters, saunters, struts, whatever you fancy).
If all of 1) above is not part of the story, 2) is better. IMO
Cheers :-)
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Dear friends, I apologize for creating a misunderstandment. Below comes the whole scene.
About the details. I use this location in 6 different scenes. So those details which are of no importance in this scene, they are instead relevant later.
INT. STAIRWELL - DAY
A shabby stairwell with a first-aid kit at the upper end of the stairs. A sign near the door reads "ARCHIVE."
Pauline enters, walks into the archive, returns with an unused practice target, and exits. GUNSHOT.
PAULINE (O.S.)
Quit messing with me! Attending a pride festival is totally legal!
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I live in a small country in Latin America. Writing scripts is already hard, but writing in a language that isn't your first language is twice as challenging.
Maybe you could use apps like Grammarly and other tools that can help review and streamline your scene descriptions in English.