Your Stage

Hi, Curtis DeBerg. Congratulations! I’m a Stage 32 Lounge Moderator. I wanted to let you know I moved your post from the Introduce Yourself Lounge to the Your Stage Lounge. You can ask members to read The Hemingway Code in your introduction post, but you need to introduce/reintroduce yourself to the community. You could check out other posts in the Introduce Yourself Lounge to get ideas for your introduction post. Let me know if you have any questions.

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And today you can drop in to my weekly open house... Network and get a free consult at the same time!

Drop In Meet & Greet

Tuesday, February 10 · 2:00 – 3:00pm

Time zone: America/Los_Angeles

Google Meet joining info

Video call link: https://meet.google.com/etf-cdxy-jpiOr dial: ‪(US) +1 407-986-7174‬ PIN: ‪106 966 557‬#

More phone numbers: https://tel.meet/etf-cdxy-jpi?pin=1591965138351

Had a good time yesterday... did we miss you at the drop in? Reach out to me today by DM and let's chat.

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Congratulations, William Joseph Hill, Pamela, and everyone who worked on CYBER FIGHTER! I hope it does great in the film festivals! Can't wait to watch this movie!

This is freakin' awesome William Joseph Hill!! It's like Tron meets The Matrix. I LOVE it!! Nicely done man!!

Hi, Shahin Rashidhashemi. Your project sounds interesting. I’m a Stage 32 Lounge Moderator. I wanted to let you know I moved your post from the Screenwriting Lounge to the Your Stage Lounge because it’s promotion. Promotion can go in the Your Stage Lounge and on Your Wall.

You can put promotion in a discipline Lounge (Screenwriting Lounge, Producing Lounge, Filmmaking/Directing Lounge, etc.) if your post starts a conversation that’s helpful or educational to the community, like giving advice or asking a question.

You can also put promotion in one of the discipline Lounges if you're asking for feedback.

Let me know if you have any questions.

The text of your post shows up in the Stage 32 phone app but not the web browser. I'm guessing you wrote the post in the app, so you might need to edit the post in a web browser. That way, the post will show up for members who get on Stage 32 with a browser. You can edit your post by clicking the downward arrow to the right of your name and selecting "Edit Post."

B.A Sins 1a. beautiful rhythm but too wordy

the days to hours to eternity idea swirls instead of sinks into the reader

say it with fewer words so the emotion breathes more

she had grown fond of those hours the kind that made time stop and happiness feel real , touchable , …… type stuff

2a. too light for the emotion , can be a line in the following passage but the starting transition line

needs a line that leads deeper into the feeling

somethin that lets the reader step inside the heart not just the image, hit heavy then end with a light sentence like : “frolic in the fields of those happy dreams “ I’d move this as a resolving statement not a leading , but entirely up to you.

3a. too much detail for too little impact

say it simpler keep the focus on her obsession or escape not the tech

The starting line needs to anchor back to the end of the last paragraph,

needs to build off the family idea before this found home nestled in code held her through her father’s passing and the storms that followed ……

make it warm make it human

too long too wordy, there’s like a whole paragraph on somthing that can easily be connected to as a universal emotion,

everyone already knows that moment

make it feel relevant as to why the reader should feel this Nostalgia

These moments in a book are to build a connection to the character through shared thought and expression, simply put somthing like; as I talk to my daughter about life before the internet, my mind recalls these same moments with my grandmother, yet times have change and moved forward , new technologies ……

make it have an atmosphere everyone has had this thought , said it , thunk it, in the present 4 generations from some form or perspective which is a good universal emotion to build a link but dig deeper with shorter detail so it breathe and relates

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he too had known deep and altered states of pain and sacrifice

6.a who’s is He??? ben? He hasn’t been brought up but briefly mentioned a few paragraphs ago

It need to lead with his name then a sentence that draws the reader in , to reintroduce him as a character and build a relationship

I took most her writing out of it since she is still writing but if I’m going to take the time to review, I want to provide meaningful feedback , so my words may seem harsh but really it comes from a place of love and respects and as long as the other person knows that , I feel like I can be an objective reviewer ! So yea , let me know !

Quick Clarification Update for ones interested:

The manuscript for Deadly Dutch High™ – The Freshmen Years has not been shared with anyone yet. No excerpts or chapters are currently in circulation.

When early access officially opens, the material will be sent privately via DM to a small, approved group within my Stage 32 network as a compiled PDF.

I truly value thoughtful critique — and I want feedback to be grounded in the complete work and full narrative context once it’s formally shared.

Thank you to everyone who respects that process.

— B.A. Sins

Sara Bagwell Sara, thank you for sharing this and for showing how you approach feedback.

I respect that you take reviewing seriously and focus on nuance, structure, and emotional clarity. That level of engagement is important to me for an early circle.

I’m still being selective about who I bring in, but I genuinely appreciate you putting yourself forward and demonstrating your process.

I’ll follow up once I finalize the initial group.

B.A Sins yes, as I am new here with no accolades , I wanted to show you my capacity to be non bias and give thoughtful feedback. I did this for my friend Val (shes not a member of stage32 or a writer) shes actually a rap artist I know who is trying something new, , but I still only left rough vague thoughts about her lines , I wouldn’t do anything like that if I reviewed someone’s work on here , just to clarify.

Sara Bagwell, I understand — and I appreciate you taking the time to clarify.

Wanting to demonstrate your approach, especially when you’re new, makes sense. Thoughtful, balanced feedback is important to me, and I respect that you take it seriously.

I’m still finalizing the early group, but thank you again for your transparency and professionalism.

I’ll reach out once everything is set.

— B.A. Sins

Thanks for sharing Sara Bagwell - what's your process?

Leonardo Ramirez replied but now don’t see it huh wonder where I posted the comment then , so basically I have method of creating that probably would drive some people crazy , it’s starts off with very unorganized ideas and humming to myself and from the outside its looks like a chaotic mess with no reason but to to me it’s in front of me around me I’m exploring and shaping and then what seemed like a tea break at the mad hatters table I’ll reel in it in and shape it and then it becomes a window into my soul that i opened up for everyone to see .

That's great Sara Bagwell - and this, "a tea break at the mad hatters table". Love it! Lots of creatives play with different shapes and colors until what they're feeling lands on something. Keep going!

Leonardo Ramirez very much so but I’ll most likely post it again her in a few months again when I get it dialed in . right now now it’s a scratch concept titled funky beat

Sounds like a plan Sara Bagwell !

Sounds great Temese Chavis - honored to meet you!

Thanks, Maurice Vaughan, for your help! But I can't see a link to Your Stage Lounge under the All Lounges section under the Lounge menu. How do I access this page from the Stage32 homepage? Also, below my profile name in each lounge post, the credits begin with 'Sound Designer'. I don't know why. I want that removed immediately. I don't want that credit of Sound Designer to be there. How do I remove that?

You're welcome, Saibal Ray. Select "Post to Lounge," "click "Select a Lounge," then scroll down to "Your Stage." I'll post a screenshot.

And here's the link to the Your Stage Lounge: www.stage32.com/lounge/promotion

You can also click "Lounge" on the bar near the top of Stage 32's home page with a web browser and scroll down to "Your Stage."

If you’re using Stage 32’s phone app, click the drink glass near the bottom of the app, select "All lounges" in the top right corner, and scroll down to "Your Stage."

You also need to be subscribed to the Your Stage Lounge to see "Your Stage" when you click "Lounge" on the bar and see "Your Stage" in the phone app.

I'm not sure how to remove the Sound Designer credit, Saibal Ray. I suggest emailing Technical Support (support@stage32.com).

Okay, thanks, Maurice Vaughan! I wrote to Technical Support. A few extra credits are appearing below my name on every Lounge post. Those should be removed.

You're welcome, Saibal Ray. Hope the issue gets resolved soon!