Screenwriting : Feedback on premise by Stephen Williams

What's the hook?

Good point. It's still just a premise. No hook yet.

You need the hook to have a story. Like "A bored middle-aged woman is coerced into hosting two male exchange students from Saudi Arabia who turn out to be brain eating aliens." :) Without a hook, that one thing that alters the situation, you just have a sentence. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but even the sentence is kind of dull. I don't know what the story concept is at all.

You're absolutely right, Leah. Thanks for the input. I'm just at the very beginning of thinking about this woman who never had children of her own, who takes on two exchange students from a completely different culture. I still don't know what the story is. That's as far as I've gotten. :)

Yes, the story could mean anything. Because She has never had children of her own, she might be "overly protective" to them, and in turn let them do anything they want. Or, it could be some political story, that changes the local councils point of view. The ball is in your court.

I agree with Debbie, this has the potential to go in many different directions, a touching drama or a psychological thriller or a political thriller — anything really

I think it's going to be a (hopefully) touching drama/dramedy about a career woman who heals some of her own wounds by being a surrogate mother to young men who are treated as criminals in this country . But it's too soon to know for sure. Again, thanks for your ideas.

Premise good, thoughts unable to gauge, aren't you the one writing this? I mean this as no disrespect to anyone but you sound yourself like a needy woman. LOL!

And I mean no disrespect to anyone, either, but you sound like a complete idiot. :)

Arabs are often portrayed in a negative light in the form of bomb wearing terrorists. However, there is a huge room for cultural comedy that is left untouched. You can play on sterotypes from both sides of the cultural divide and then break them using humor. Under the guise of comedic situation you can also tackle difficult subjects that would be taboo or offensive in more normal settings. Do it wrong and you got a boring script that no one wants to watch. Do it right and you got the next Borat.

I probably wouldn't read it. Try tying in the conflict of the story.

Good advice. I'm on it.

Stephen I meant it as though getting into character you write not that you personally sound like a needy woman. It's just to me and reading the thread that the premise could be explored using that character trait of the woman being somewhat needy and that's how she is coerced into taking on the exchange students. Aren't bored women or people in general for the most part needy in some way? Yes I am an idiot and sometimes probably should explain myself better. Which gives me another idea of the translation, perception, insight and understandings that may be misinterpreted in the taking on of such students. Honestly really good premise for dramedy. Imagine the woman saying something like I feel like blowing something up today frustrated because cooking eggs or something for her students didn't turn out right. What would the reactions of the students be. To me that's dramedy and how I would run with idea's. It can be risky exploring such idea's and will require very careful crafting though. Anyway good luck with your project. You can have that idea if you like it.

Thanks, Mitchell. No worries. :)