It's hard to give this a rating, seeing as the option isn't available. But, I'd give this 4 out of 5 stars for the premise alone. However, shortening it wouldn't be bad.

Tasha Lewis any thoughts to add to justify your low rate?

Hi Carmen!

The best loglines convey the core tension or "problem" from which the drama unfolds; rather than summarize, they compress the Essential Idea into one sentence. Here's a possible rewrite:

A forbidding prophecy warning of mankind’s impending doom sends thirteen individuals with fantastical powers into a race against the odds -- but one among them hides secrets that may undo them all.

Feel free to use or modify or ignore! :) :)

-Nik

It's interesting but wordy. I would try to cut it in half.

Thanks, Anthony Murphy !

Reason I post here is for the comments about the story and not to become a master in logline writing! haha At least thats what I thought this space was for?

Carmen Ferreira As screenwriters we must master the logline. It's your key to the kingdom.

I disagree, Anthony Murphy ! The key is master in storytelling. I don't wanna be a master in loglining. I wanna be a Goddess in storytelling! haha

Carmen Ferreira Good luck.

Thanks, Anthony Murphy

Hey, Nikolas John - I've made some adjustments. Thanks a lot for your ideas :)

Hey, Anthony Murphy - I've changed a bit. Thanks a lot for your advice. :)

Great, Marcel Nault Jr. - it's shorter now. Thanks a lot for your comment :)

Who's the main protagonist here?

Besides from the fact that there is no copyright on loglines, this logline is indeed still so vague that every well worked out logline with as main componends a "prophecy", a "mole" , and the "battle between Hell and Heaven" still seems to have it's own right of existence. What about:

"After Satan finds out about a hidden phrophecy that says "he will leave Hell to conquer Heaven," he sends seven Fallen Angels to stop the Apocalypse - one of them a mole - God's most righteous Angel - ordered to destroy the Human Race on Earth, Heaven, and Hell."

--- THE RIGHTEOUS ONE

Michael W. Orick I didnt read your comments in full, cause I dont need a teacher, but thanks for taking time to write all that. Someone else might read it.

Also, everyone here says something different and everyone has a way to write their own loglines, I guess. My previous one (before everyone says it was too long) was a bit more clear about who was the protagonist and a bit more informative.

So, with that being said, I won't post any logline here, cause I dont need teachers. I simply needed comments (COMMENTS, not lessons) about the logline as a whole.

Well, whatever...

Cheers !

Rutger Oosterhoff thanks! Nice comment! :) However, my story revolves in a different way. It's not around satan, but around the prophet, the future he foresees and the 13 chosen ones. I liked the way you wrote and I may get some of your words, cause I am not English speaker and my vocabulary tends to be short for storyteller.. :)

I will stop, cause posting loglines here is not really helping. Everyone is talking to me as if I were a stupid needing lessons...I simply posted a logline to get some comments and there's a guy preaching how good he is and how miserable I am... (sic)

Michael W. Orick out of curiosity, how many awards in loglines do you have?

Rutger Oosterhoff the protagonists are two of the 13 chosen ones and I see what you mean. Thanks again for the help.

And it has nothing to do with Jesus and the 12. I have 13 chosen ones and one who's the villain, not a traitor.

I really liked the discussion here, cause it helps me to enhance my thoughts, as long as the person respects me as a professional and don't treat me like a student needing lessons.

I have English issues, but I don't have issues to write. :)

Michael W. Orick if you take the time to read the comments (not lessons), I've appreciated them all, cause thats what I wanted when I posted on here.

However, you were trying to sell your "talent" as a logline expert (?) by criticising my writing as if you were my Teacher, or as if you were the best writer and I a completely idiot. You were using my logline to promote yourself and I didn't like that.

Don't spend your time or effort then, cause I certainly haven't asked for them.

And to finish, you haven't given your feedback, you were underrating my writing to promote your services as a logline expert (?). If I needed one, I would find one.

Cheers!

Thank you everyone who rated my logline. I guess after all the discussion here and in private, I might have now a better understand about the purpose of it. I am a beginner and I have a lot to learn, but my focus is not really loglines. However, it doesn't hurt to improve, right? :)

How does it look now, please? Hopefully, I improved :)

Interview with Forumpay

https://forumpay.com/blog

Tasha Lewis I haven't asked you for anything. If you teach for over 28 years and you're still here, then you should rethink your talents. I wanted true reviews, not a couple of stars from cold souls like yourself.

I am not English speaker, but I certainly don't need a teacher, nor I need you with your 28 years of don't know what! If I need someone to teach me anything, I can afford to hire a professional with a successful career and preferable I would be miles away of anything close to "28 years teaching"!

Do not comment in anything else that I post.

Have a nice another 28 years "teaching"!