OMG, Mark Deuce I'm blown away with all of your input!!! Thank you so much. I have been having such trouble with this logline and synopsis aspect, I'm in awe of your generous feedback. Will DM you to thank you properly! :)

Love this genre. Great and enticing logline.

Thank you so much Lynn! Really appreciate it!

Thank you so much Robin Gregory

You can call me an old man, but it seems to me that the more direct the plot line is. The main character wants something, does something, this is what happened. And so on until the end of the story.

I stick to old movies.

Predator 1987

Alien 1979

Terminator 1984

Faculty 1998

Jaws 1975

The plot is interesting, but it needs to be straightened out and simplified. After all, in film studios we read quickly, if they don’t see the interest of the story right away, then the story is put on the back burner.

Thanks Val Chernyavskiy can you give me an example of one of your favorite loglines? So I can get a better idea of what you are talking about.

Sarah Jane Mc Carthy So the logline: This is the first act of the film. If we take the classic structure of a three-act story. The most important ending of the logline should coincide not badly or well, but mysteriously, unknown.

Predator 1987: "A group of special forces rescuers on a mission deep in the jungle. They must save hostages, but they meet an alien warrior hunter who surpasses them in everything"

Alien 1979: "A team of space truck drivers receives an unknown signal, and while investigating it, one of the crew members is infected with an unknown organism that has different stages of development

Jaws 1975 " The beach of the island is terrorized by a huge great white shark, as an oceanographer said, no one has ever seen such huge sharks. And on the eve of the tourist season"

Thank you Willem Elzenga

Sarah Jane, I like the logline. It's nice and compact...and to the point.

That top-secret government project Rebeka wants to put the brakes on reminds me of Project 2025...a similar plan that could become law here in the US next year. (Yikes!)

Thanks so darn much for posting...and here's to more and more success!

Thanks Jim Boston Project 2025 i must look up!!

Great concept. Loved "Schindler's List with a female lead!"

Thanks Tom Stohlgren appreciate that. Of course, Liam Neeson played an outstanding Schindler, the whole movie still makes me shiver!

Both loglines are tight - I favour the alternate.

Thanks Joel Cousins I think you may be right, duly noted

Thank you @Eon

Thank you @Joe Manio

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty. Sarah Jane, you are an outstanding writer. I thank you for taking the time to send me your first novel from your trilogy. It's funny the day you sent me your book " Alpha is the beginning" my wife and I had a discussion in the morning on what would happen if our governments around the world mandated everyone to have a chip implant. The reason we came up with the chip is the elimination of money and other things such as credit cards, driving permits, bank cards, etc. Everything we need would be just a flick of the wrist. It's scary. Would this mean the rise of the Freedom Fighters? They say if you can think it, it will be only time for it to happen. I'll be reaching for your other two novels in due time. What are you writing at the moment? I'm sure it'll be filled with drama and captivating suspense to keep us turning pages and see it to the end. Bravo on a job well done. Thanks.

Loved your comment @Claude Gagne . There was a lot of inspiration for the titles, even going back to an older movie called The Omega Man, a type of I am Legend of its time. So glad you are enjoying the book. At the moment I have just gotten some script coverage and I am trying to improve my script versions. I am also working on an audiobook version with another Stage 32 member presently. If you like, I will send you the link for that as soon as it's complete.

Like you said, Schindler's List in a sci-fi world. Brilliant stuff, Sarah! I don't have the time to read the synopsis now... and I also don't want anything spoiled. lol You have my support though. Well done!

Thanks Marcel Nault Jr.

Thanks Nate Rymer is there anything you'd change?

I think the story sounds riveting Sarah Jane Mc Carthy I also love the book cover - even the font!

Thanks Sophia, a woman in California designed the book cover, Jennifer Givner, I think she made it very ominous with a touch of Twilight about it or something.

Love the premise Sarah Jane!

Thank you Leonardo Ramirez you're very kind!

Thank you Harri-Pekka Virkki appreciate it!

Thanks, and thanks for your PM @Adam Carpenter

it's a good logline, but it could be way better.

A career-driven scientist uncovers a sinister truth behind a top-secret government project, forcing her to choose between her family's safety and loyalty to her enigmatic boss as the world hurtles towards a catastrophic future.

This is how it could be better!

A scientist uncovers a sinister truth on a top-secret government project she's been working on, her enigmatic boss forcing her to choose between her family's safety and loyalty to the Yuropian Government as the world hurtles towards a catastrophic future. Rebeka forms a covert alliance with other dissenting scientists and engineers as they devise a plan to sabotage Code-X from within, risking everything to prevent the impending disaster.

Sorry to be so hard on you for this, you should see the ones I have for mine. Sarah Jane Mc Carthy hope this is ok.

Thanks @Gregory, thanks for your helpful suggestion. I am trying to keep it under 35 words however. I see what you mean though, and thank you for taking the time to comment :)

Thank you @Daniel Stuelpnagel appreciate it!

Thank you @Tasha Lewis for taking the time!

Thank you Sandra Isabel Correia thanks for the positive feedback!

Thanks @Zachariah appreciate the rating :)

Thank you Tammy Hunt

Thank you Eoin O'Sullivan appreciate it so much!

Thank you Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal"

Thank you @Evelyn Von Warnitz much appreciated!

Thanks @Dave that's great!

Thanks Celine Leon appreciate!

Thanks Elise Marenson appreciate it!

Lovely stuff. Maybe it could be a series. That's what the streamers want. Interesting premise. Thank you for sharing.

Thanks Stephen DiLauro appreciate your thoughts :)

Thanks Matthew Anthony Williams very grateful :)

Awesome @Don Thank you!

Sarah Jane Mc Carthy I liked the alternate logline better and rated that one.

I really like the logline. :) It seems like our future. I just ordered your book on Amazon. There was available just one part. I hope soon you will have available all of them :)

Thank you Martin Foroz grateful for the feedback!

Thank you kindly @Sarah appreciate it!

Thank you Kevin Brodie

Thank you @Petra for your rating and comment and support! The next installment will be available at the end of this month!

Thanks Mark Giacomin appreciate!

Hey Sarah Jane, loved reading your logline and story. I could see verything in my mind's eye! (Does anyone say that anymore?!) Kudos for all your hard work!

Congratulations, Sarah Jane, for all the positive comments and well-thought versions of a Logline and such. Your story obviously taps into a powerful Mythic Theme "War in Heaven" and will no doubt carry your readers/viewers along for the rest of the ride with the other two stories. I look forward to reading your first one...thanks for making it available to us. Wishing you all good fortune with your various creative projects.

Thank you D A Stenard grateful so much for the rating and kind comment!

Thank you so much @Pamela for your rating and lovely comment. 'War in heaven' is exactly what I was going for ;)

Thanks Devika Puri really appreciate it!

Thank you @Jane grateful!

Thank you Grant Wiggins for the positive rating!

Thank you Stefano Pavone appreciate it!

Thank you Anthony Murphy that's so kind of you!

Thank you @Shaun very grateful :)

Awesome Grant Wiggins , thank you!

Thank you kindly Arthur Charpentier !

Thanks @Efrain, appreciate it!

Awesome, Mirella Muffarotto , thank you so much for the rating!

You asked me to look at your logline, and it looks like you've already received a lot of feedback. My $.02 is be a simple but specific as possible. (Your earlier comment to someone else about wanting to keep it tight is right on the mark)

When a naive (give a second descriptor here, she's naive but what else?) scientist uncovers the harrowing (I'd use a different word than harrowing - typically harrowing is used as 'adrenaline rush' type of danger - is it that type of danger or is it more sinister? or nefarious?) secrets behind a mysterious (mysterious is also a bit vague - what type of mysterious? black-ops? unsanctioned? etc...) government project, her attempt to escape is thwarted by her super-villain (super-villain is also vague, what makes him a villian? her ego-driven, sociopathic, masochistic, etc.. superhuman boss) boss who threatens her family’s lives, propelling her into a high-stakes gritty battle for survival (is what she is fighting for really survival?.. or is she fighting to save her most cherished loved ones?).

food for thought. :)