Judyth Mermelstein's Lounge Discussions

Definitely no expert here but since you named you work Eamonn's journey and he is your main protagonist. Maybe you got Eamonn's arc down well but perhaps what the reader missed was the development of the arc. That would be an aspect I'd consider based on what I read especially with your feedback being it seemed like he was dragged around. Maybe the reader could have stated they liked the arc but felt like they missed the development of the arc. That's what it sounds like to me, but again no expert here. It sounds worthy of a rewrite versus scrapping though. Maybe find scenes to write Eamonn in displaying more internal struggle. Good Luck Michael L. Burris "I want to believe nothing is pointless."

It seems to me there are two ways the reader might have missed the point: 1) The reader assumes that a film must follow the model where the hero is the only character that really matters, all others being sidekicks or antagonists or bit players needed to move a straight-line plot along. There isn't much you can do to make real life fit that model unless you are willing to distort the facts for the sake of meeting expectations. 2) The writer needs to do better at showing Eamonn's development in the context. That doesn't mean that he must be present in every scene, but it does need to be clear why events that happen without him are important to him, and it's probably best to keep the scenes without him short and infrequent -- that is, instead of showing the whole of a meeting occurring "behind his back," showing only the crucial parts (who was there, what was decided) and then what happens to Eamonn when he learns about or is impacted by the decision. Not knowing the details, I can imagine a situation where (scene 1) a meeting of senior IRA men decides on a covert attack of some kind; (scene 2) Eamonn, as a young recruit, is told to come along but has no idea what is going to happen; (scene 3) what happens on the spot when Eamonn learns what he is to do, what he does, and how he feels about it. If the film were to be a straight documentary recreation of the event, of course, the expectations would be different: the focus would be on what happened and why, more than on a protagonist who played a minor role in it. But if it were meant to be a biography of Eamonn (real or fictional) the expectation of the audience is that the other characters matter mainly insofar as they influence his life; however important they might be in other respects, there don't need to be long scenes establishing their characters and actions. The trick is to convey the necessary information about them as briefly as possible...which can be very difficult in just a few lines of dialogue.

Sorry - didn't mean to hijack the thread. D. Marcus - of course you have a valid point, but without a synopsis or, better yet the script infront of you, you're not going be able to put the feedback in context. In my own defence, this script is pretty action packed as it is without having to focus all the action on one character. The film starts off with dual protagonists, brothers Eamonn and Christy. At the mid-point in the story Christy is killed (as happened in real life), from that point on the story follows Eamonn's life as an IRA rebel. The storyline is plenty compelling as it deals with family conflict, national conflict and international conflict - just it doesn't all focus on one individual who had a small part to play in freeing his country. Mike - Thanks, I'd love it if you wanted to show the script to an Irish-American producer. Would a message to Bord Scannán na hÉireann yeild anything tangible? I know they are involved in funding and training, but if you think they could put me in touch with someone... that'd be cool. Michael - Please see above re. protagonists in the story. The character of Eamonn is my grandfather. No offence, but I would not do his memory (or that of any of the main characters) the disservice of turning him into an all action hero when he wasn't. He was simply one small cog in a much bigger machine. The story is mainly from his POV and I think it works fine to have the heroic actions performed by others. Eamonn's character development is complex and multi-layered, just like the real human being. His physical journey takes him from a 17 year old teenager to a volunteer, to a company commander who leads a failed action at the end of the conflict (this in itself is inflating his actual role in the ambush). His emotional journey takes in the sulky, idealistic teenager in conflict with his older brother who joins the British Army in France, conflict with his parents as a result of this, guilt at the death of his brother before any chance of reconciliation, experiencing the horrors of taking a life, falling in love (and protecting his sweetheart from the shame of rape and unmarried pregnancy), burying his father, the fear of arrest and execution whilst on the run from the law, witnessing atrocities committed by both sides in the conflict and eventually coming to terms with all the changes in his world as a young married man. I think this is enough for any film!

Exactly what I said when I wrote my comment, Simon. I have not read your script. There is a very real possibility that your script is exactly right and the reader's comments were out of line.

The movie is a story. It's not history come alive. Events may have to reordered, characters combined, and the hero more active than in reality. Your duty is to story not to history

Hello from Canada, Sally-Anne. I am also in the "mature"| category and professionally a freelance writer, editor and translator though I have worked in theatre and a film/video production house in my younger years and occasionally work as an extra. .

Hello :) You sound like one busy woman! Good work :) Canada is on my bucket list, I have friends over there that I want to visit one day. Did you like working as an extra? I did a shoot for a commercial two weeks ago, loads of fun though it's kinda put me off ice cream for a while!

He is! Ask him about our differring version of what 'NSHO' stands for, makes me giggle :)

I like Sally-Anne's version although mine is a little more polite.

Thank you both Sally and Brandi for your friendship, confidence and promotion.... the cheque (Aust version) or check (US) is in the mail

Will do, thanks!

Hiiiii ma'am...!

Hello Kathryn, if you're ever in need of a composer for your amazing sounding screenplays, I'd love to be considered. My portfolio can be found at: www.djhcomposer.co.uk

Thx djh, it feels like I'm a long way from that today, but you never know.

Hi Kathryn I'm new to stage 32 but our team of 54 talented stars helped create an inspired and touching drama with real consequence, called CRUDE , a short Eco - thriller. So if you or others reading this have like us a penchant for doing a partnership across the pond it would be great to chat further. Kind regards Peter See : www.redrugproductions.com .... Or our short shown recently at the BAFTA theatre in London www.crudethemovie.co.uk

Just read the back posts, than you Rick I will take a read.... sounds very interesting....

Left a note on your page, let me know what you thought...maybe a help or not.

Making her a remote viewer I think would work. She had the ability all along and what she presumed were nightmares were more than just bad dreams...the drugs given by Roman only enhance her ability... But then again, that nasty knew that.... a good reason for being held a prisoner.

If you started the scene with her in a hypnotists chair being regressed... and she is dreaming of the scene, remembering the entire happening as it is happening... It would be more real to her being a remote viewer. So, she herself can not tell dream state from reality until... she herself awakens from that dream. I do think it would be possible to film a person in that scene... You see the hypnotist put her under, then, the scene changes to her thinking.... maybe... then when she wakes up, she realises she was re-living her time in the hypnotherapists office. The audience would be then watching what they think is the start of the movie... her being regressed...but it isn't really... until she wakes up. Could that be done?

The regression scene allows for the audience to get a glimpse into her nightmare, dream state. The girl has been psychic all along and didn't understand her ability. What she refers to as nightmares... are pre cognitions. Interesting thought to add... what if the scene she is dreaming about is a warning to her about the hypnotherapist... perhaps it was suggested she go there by Roman... That ties the shady hypnotherapist to the nasty Roman.... Sorry... just had to get that in there...in case it might be of help.