Enjoyed the short! Fun read... had look up the word Busking. Very funny.

Nice

Hi, Cassidy. I gave it a quick read and the first thing I noticed is to perhaps get it into a screenwriting format program (this draft is written in Word, perhaps?). That will probably change your page count but it will also help with overall readability and functionality for production, not to mention make it easier and faster for you, the writer. If you don't have screenwriting software there are free options you can find online. I wasn't quite sure what this is about nor what the story is, per se, other than a man at rock bottom and lonely. I do think there's an underlining thematic statement here about the emptiness of pop culture and capitalism. Perhaps that will be better drawn out and apparent if/when filmed. About the writing... the dialogue felt natural, well done, but some of the descriptions and action are a bit overwritten and passive here and there. Remember with screenwriting, the writing needs to be immediate. There is also a tidbit of redundancies. Other than some minor finetuning, I think you have a good short here. If you wish to expand it into a feature or series, much would have to be developed about the character and more expanded to create a narrative. Perhaps how did he end up in Vegas as "Barney?" How does he change? Does he try to get his life together and adopt that little girl? There are possibilities here for a drama. :) Hope that helps. Best to you and best wishes with your script!