George R Patton's Lounge Discussions

Hey, George R Patton! Have you pitched you scripts to any of Stage 32's executives? https://www.stage32.com/scriptservices/pitch-sessions

I'm looking for an agent to rep the product, which can be tailored to fit the platform. For example with Apple we could do an elegant piece about "those grand days of the Harlem Renaissance" with gin, jazz, and magic. My current script combines both jazz and Harry Potter-esque magic where Black Herman must save the world with the Devil's blessing. One producer who looked said it was very good. The 'teaser' reel features an actress who is the image of my great aunt Eva, "The Woman Buried Alive". Here's Eva at 110!

Very nice. A couple comments:

(1) "If you could live forever, could you love forever" is the hook. It should come quicker.

(2) It is, however, clear what the story is. That's very good.

(3) Way too much repetition in visuals and too long to get to the point - I would literally cut this by at least 30% in length, maybe 50%.

(4) Unfortunately, your first and therefore most significant line at ~6 seconds in misspells "marriage" as "marrage" and coming at the very first is distracting and will put many people in the wrong mood to follow along. Fix that first, then tighten it up and it will be much more effective.

Thanks, will do.

George - I just saw it today. I agree with Shadow's observations and I'm pretty much put off by the continual pulling in & out.

Doug, and to anyone not familiar with iMovie, it is a template, you add a couple of ingredients and the Algos do the rest. The indescribable sereindipity is that I found an actress the image of my great aunt - dressed in 1920's garb, in a mansion similar to my comic book conception! It is designed as a Teaser for a pitch, so I really appreciate the viewership as I need the #'s. By the way, they are both named Eva! Here is the original Eva (below) at 110; wife and star of Black Herman, America's First Superhero.

George R Patton Doug's/my observations are one reason you should not use templates and algorithms. This is basically an assembly but it's certainly not something you should be using as a teaser. Any pitch materials need to be very polished and focused. Because your skills will be judged on the basis of what you choose to show.

Hey George, this is Karen from the Stage 32 team. I just wanted to let you know I moved your post from Introduce Yourself to Your Stage (for links and promotions), as it fits much better there. But feel free to do another post in the Introduce Yourself Lounge discussing who you'd like to connect with, what you're working on or what you'd like to work on. Think of it like a virtual handshake! Let me know if you have any questions, and all the best to you!

Thanks Karen.