A 12 year old boy runs out of legal means to get his father out of prison who is falsely implicated. He decides to blow up a wall of the prison so his father can come out to see his ailing mother during her last time.
First attempt. How does it sound? Almost 50 pages done. Should I complete the screenplay? Please don't discourage much. :P Thanks.
Edit: I am new here. :)
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Welcome Charan...keep on writing :)
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Welcome! Use a name for characters.
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No! Don't use a name for characters in a logline.
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I agree with Pierre
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You need to condense the logline. Try this:
"With his father imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit and his sick mother on her deathbed, a twelve year old boy plans the most explosive jailbreak of a lifetime."
Just one question - Where does a 12yr old get high powered explosives???
Thanks Aaron.
Thanks Tasha, but I think Pierre is right. Though sometimes it may be required to add names in logline. For example I am writing story of a girl called Philadelphia and her life in Los Angeles Film School. There it may be required to write name as title itself is 'Philadelphia from Philadelphia' There I would add her name in the logline..
Thanks a lot Anthony. I have figured out about explosives part.
Hi James, thanks. Even I am wondering if there are any ways to attract filmmakers readily. So far only wondering, and planning to enter all screenwriting competitions in 2021 if nothing attracts a filmmakers in 2020. Another thing, sometimes system is the antagonist, and people lose their fights without a clear antagonist. Lack of resources to fight with mighty system is one big reason majority of fights are lost against the system. This is what story is about, the boy runs out of every legal mean and hence the adventure. Thanks a lot for input. These 6 comments so far have already taught one thing or two. Looking forward for further guidance. Thanks again :)
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It sounds like a solid premise but the current logline is clunky and I'd make it one sentence. Try something like this. And this is just an example:
When his father is jailed on fabricated evidence, a 12-year-boy devises a bold plan to free his father from prison to see his dying wife, prove his innocence and prevent him from being caught.
The above logline is one sentence and has increased stakes.
Also, if this is your first or second script, don't be too sensitive about the feedback. Dig in and make this idea work. Best of luck to you!
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Hey BS Charan, this is Beth from the Stage 32 team. I just wanted to let you know I moved your post from Screenwriting to Your Stage, as it fits much better there. That's where members post their work asking for specific feedback on their own loglines, screenplays, reels, fundraising campaigns, etc. See the description at the top. Also, be sure to add a profile picture and complete your profile page. Our members appreciate knowing to whom they are communicating with. :) Welcome to Stage 32. Best to you!