Screenwriting : What do they really want? by Michael D. Lancaster

I've recently adapted my own novel into a screenplay and, even with my experience, I was too close to the story and had to switch off my novel writing brain and engage film brain. No camera angles, leave out transitions. A worthwhile trick is to take out all the dialogue and see of the story still works , and only put back in what is absolutely necessary.

Thanks Bob. I am on it and have been for the past hour - cutting all transitions and cutting all camera angles, even suggestions "we see..." I suddenly am more clear on what a director may want. I guess I was trying to hard to exhibit control.

Oooh! Yeah 160 is HUGE! Especially for newer screenwriters. Yes, take out all camera directions, transitions, etc. As a writer, that's not your job. That's the director, DP, editors, job. etc. Keep location descriptions to a minimum at no more than about 3 lines. Same with character descriptions, because at the end of the day, you aren't the casting director either. Make sure that your action only contains what the camera actually sees. If you find yourself describing someone's inner emotional state, cut it or find a way to have them "show" it. Make sure that every single scene is about getting the protagonist closer to or further away from their goals. Anything else, cut it. There is a really fun glimpse behind the scenes on the Special Extended Editions of the Lord of the Rings films. (this set that looks like a book: https://www.amazon.com/Lord-Rings-Fellowship-Four-Disc-Extended/dp/B0000...) In each of the three films, they have a special feature on the adaptation process and what they did. A phrase that caught my ear is when they said they had to make the entire script "Frodo-centric". Every scene needed to be directly related to getting Frodo and Sam to Mt. Doom. (Now, for the extended versions they were able to break away from that). So make sure your entire script- every scene- is "Frodo-centric", in your own way. Dialogue is also another area that is typically dramatically different in books vs films. When reading a novel, it's not that unusual to have people talking for pages at a time. In film, you rarely have someone speak for more than about 4 lines and scenes rarely last longer than a page or two. (There are always exceptions) So if you see big chunks of dialogue or if scenes last 3, 4, 5 pages or more, you'll probably need to cut. Another thing to consider, is if your plot points set up right you could write as two or three movies or a mini series. That's always attractive to producers because the only thing better than a hit show is a hit series. Good luck! I love adapting! :)

Thanks Allen. I am keeping it "John Centric" as in John Ringling the protagonist. I feel like I have gone back into my writing cave swinging a battle axe.

Michael, indeed, personally "we see"/"we hear" is something I would cut, too.

Novelists have a rough time shifting to screenwriting. In novels exposition is your friend... in screenwriting it's the enemy, in novels you have many voices/tenses... in screenwriting you have one, in novels you have unlimited story real estate ... in screenplays you have 110 pages (genre features these days). There are other major differences, but developing the screenwriter voice is really hard... just read lots of GOOD scripts. No camera angels, no 'CUT' transitions after every scene (it's assumed), no scene numbers, and no camera directions--- all marks of the amateur. All that stuff gets added later. Keep scene descriptions to as few lines as possible. Sentence fragments are okay in screenwriting, don't worry. Just read a Shane Black script!. Hard transition but can be done. Best to get a screenwriter who knows what theyre doing to review you work before you send it out.... pay for the priviledge if you need to. Don't give a producer any reason to say "no." They already have enough. :)

All such great advice. Here's the thing - I am enjoying cutting all this out. I never needed it because I read it and it reads to me the way I want and I want the same for producers and directors.

Everyone here already gave sound advice. Get it under 110 pages if you can. Nowadays they seem to prefer even shorter scripts than the "standard" 120. Industry execs have very short attention spans, grab 'em early (those crucial first 10 pages) and keep it as short as possible. I do not use any kind of camera direction, those are primarily for shooting scripts.

Hi Michael. Overwriting can also bog down a script. A screenplay needs to be terse, pithy—there's a certain cadence to screenwriting. You want to economize your word choice as much as possible, all while communicating as much meaning as possible. Ask yourself: Do I really need 5 lines to describe the setting? Or is one sentence enough? You need to give just enough information in a creative way that paints a clear picture in the mind of your reader. Allow the reader to use their imagination to fill in the blanks. Don't be overindulgent! Lol! So perhaps examine your description/action lines. Make the writing immediate. Try to avoid passive writing as much as you can and choose active verbs. For example, "She is driving" becomes "She drives" or "She speeds." Small changes can make a big difference. I hope that helps! Good luck with your writing!

Post it or the first 10 pages and I'm sure there'll be plenty of tips on how to reduce it.

Whatever everyone else said. How many produced or sold screenplays did you read before you wrote yours?

just CAPs or BOLD words for camera angles. find a produced script similar to your genre and steal the writing style.

Just compare Jaws the book with the screenplay and see how completely different it is written.

List to this weeks Scriptnotes podcast. Everyone it is a must. Episode 272 if you are reading this later.

READ "Your Screenplay Sucks" by William Akers - not only will you be entertained by his direct and hilarious writing style he will address AND HELP YOU FIX every note in this message - let me know how you get on... https://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Screenplay-Sucks-Ways-Great/dp/1932907459

I have read dozens of screenplays. However most were near final editions. I don't know how I got off on this writing in the transitions and the direction / camera angles. Someplace I read the advice of "If you don't know the camera angle write "angle on..."" The next thing I knew I was writing all of the direction. Over the past day I have had a blast rewriting and understand so much more now. The producer who wrote to me was Philip M. Cohen. He honored me with "your script has legs." I have also had a request from Martin Scorsese asking that I pitch to his MGR Chris Donnelly. I gave them the treatment and that did not land well, yet I had very accomplished producers coaching me on that. Thank you everyone for this advice. I had to learn this one by experience.

Dozens? Read thousands. Your script format style will unconsciously improve.

Michael, You shouldn’t have any transitions or camera directions. You take all those the odds are good you will still have too many pages. If you want to send me the first few pages (5-10) I can show you where you can start cutting.

Why thank you Dan. I have not only been cutting camera and transitions but also cutting more action by simplifying.

Michael. Here are some tips you may or may not find helpful. Here are some tips for write more economically for anyone that is interested: Avoid large blocks of dialogue. Keep action lines to three lines of under and four at the very most. Write only what we can see and avoid character’s thoughts. Don’t describe every detail in the scene. Avoid describing character’s every movement. In other words paint your scenes with broad strokes and let the reader’s imagination fill in the rest. Avoid words that can usually be eliminated such as “are”, “and”, “there”, “it is”, “it's”, “to go”, “to say”, “is”, “to be” and words ending in “ly” and “ing.” You can usually eliminate first words of dialogue such as "Well", "No", "Yes", "Of course", "I mean", etc. Eliminate words like "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" unless used for irony or emphasis. Avoid having your character ask questions but when they do don’t have the other character answer if the audience will assume what the answer would be. Replace the "to be" verbs with an active verb or eliminate them entirely. For example "She is in uniform" becomes "In uniform.” "It is dark outside" becomes “Dark, " etc. Make all your action immediate. Eliminate words like "suddenly", "then", "begins to", "starts to" and just make the action happen without any sort of temporal qualifier. For example: "Suddenly, he runs off." becomes "He runs off." "She starts to climb" becomes "She climbs." Hope this helps.

Thank You Dan Guardino. And thanks - all I am an opening for success and therefore easily contributed to.

Everything shared above - ditto. If you're coming from Literary fiction, I feel your pain. It took me a long time to unlearn all the habits that are irrelevant to screenwriting. Internal motivations don't matter. "Steve pauses, thinks about how his mother had died when he was three." If your audience can't see it or hear it, it doesn't belong in your screenplay. Anything that will be the responsibility of the art department, or wardrobe, isn't your concern -- unless it's relevant to the story. In other words, you can say someone has a nice suit on if that helps define the character or the story point. But you don't need to say "He's wearing a blue pinstriped double-breasted suit, floral tie, Rolex, pants with pleats." Again, unless it's a story point. I've read screenplays with description like "The kitchen table is about 3 by 5 feet, mahogany, approximately 30 inches high" or "streetlamps are on in the alley about every fifteen feet" and it has nothing to do with the story. I've written a couple of articles on the subject if you'd like to hear more. Good luck! http://chipstreet.com/2010/09/19/writing-screenplay-description-with-per... http://chipstreet.com/2011/06/24/what-bad-science-fiction-can-teach-us-a...

Oh, and if it hasn't been said, for each scene: Get in late and get out early. Most common mistake is easing into a scene before the relevant stuff happens, and staying too long after the relevant stuff happens. In. Out. Done. Move on.

Reading as many screenplays as possible is invaluable, especially coming from a novel background. That should help to embed the structure and flow of a script into your mind so that it becomes natural when actually writing one.

An update: I want to thank everyone for such valuable input. I did rewrite and removed unnecessary transitions, direction, camera angles, and even dialog. The script has real flow now and is 124 pgs (instead of 178). I am not changing anything (at this point).

... Using camera direction in a spec is a big no-no. Just ask the guys/girls over at simplyscripts.com. If they find a 'camera angel at page 1 they immediately stop reading.

I used to describe the conveying emotion in parenthesis under ever line of dialogue. It was cool because I could analyze the characters at a sub conscience level and it if I only read the emotions it felt like a symphony. I saved like 20 pages removing all that crap. :)

I did leave 2 transitions: FADE IN & FADE OUT: page 1 and [END].

I am following up on this 'old' post. I received so much good advice. I learned to chop/ cut/ slash/ and simplify. One of the two producers working on my horror script recently told me they liked that I had cut it down to 84 pgs. "We (or you and another writer) can add more later and likely will, but for now it's crisp and easy to follow." Another acquisitions person from a major funding source and studio seems to like my biopic which I cut to 124 pgs. They are eagerly "moving it into the pipeline." Thank you everyone for such kind insights. Your comments along with those of Phillip M. Cohen (Troika Pictures), really pressed me to make a quantum leap to a new place.

Good for you Michael. I hated writing lean screenplays because I hated the way they read. I finally gave up for a few years. When I tried again I learned to write more economically and it made a huge difference in the responses I would receive.

Writing tight is the best habit for a screenwriter. It's more difficult to do than you'd think and it dives the novelist in us all nutz. Good goin' Michael.

I agree it takes some practice and it feels awkward at first so some screenwriters refuse to do it. I was one of them for many years.

I am not suggesting the follow is a rule or anything but this is what helped me.

Unlike most forms of writing screenwriting has a certain cadence which comes from writing economically. Since it is usually the one thing that gives newer screenwriters the most trouble and takes a lot of practice to get over people will assume the writer is inexperienced if their script is overwritten. Also, the script is going to make the reader work twice as hard and if the reader has a pile of scripts to read through the trash can is going to look awfully appealing to them.

Anyway, here are the tips for write more economically.

Avoid large blocks of dialogue. Keep action lines to three lines and four at the very most.

Write only what we can see and avoid character’s thoughts. You should only write the physical manifestation of their emotions.

Keep a single event, shot or sequence within one description. Have the sentences that compose your description all related to one another then if the action changes you should start a new paragraph.

Don’t describe every detail in the scene. Avoid describing character’s every movement. Paint your scenes with broad strokes and let the reader’s imagination fill in the rest.

Avoid words that can usually be eliminated such as “are”, “and”, “there”, “it is”, “it's”, “to go”, “to say”, “is”, “to be” and words ending in “ly” and “ing” and replace “and” with a coma or start a new sentence when possible.

You can usually eliminate first words of dialogue such as "Well", "No", "Yes", "Of course", "I mean", etc. Eliminate words like "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" unless used for irony or emphasis.

Avoid having your character ask questions but when they do don’t have the other character answer if the audience will assume what the answer would be.

Replace the "to be" verbs with an active verb or eliminate them entirely. For example, "She is in uniform" becomes "In uniform.” "It is dark outside" becomes “Dark, " etc.

Make all your action immediate so eliminate words like "suddenly", "then", "begins to", "starts to" and just make the action happen without any sort of temporal qualifier. For example: "Suddenly, he runs off." becomes "He runs off." "She starts to climb" becomes "She climbs."

Dan - I don't recall seeing you in one of my seminars but you certainly got it. Thanx.

Doug. Coming from someone with as much experience as you have that is quite a compliment. Thanks!

I'm editing my comment below, just to add a thought. If indeed what's on the page are the bare essentials and it still runs long, maybe your venue is wrong.

Why does every story have to fit a 90-minute structure? What about a two-part, a sequel, a mini-series, etc.? That said, here's my opinion on paring a script.

EXT. LOCATION - DAY

HE sees/does (from a SINGLE WORD to FOUR FULL LINES).

CHARACTER 1

(polished so that)

Dialog moves plot &/ reveals char.

If you must, add sees/does as above.

CHARACTER 2

Dialog moving plot &/ revealing char.

REPEAT TO END.

CUT subplots/scenes and write The End on page 90.