Screenwriting : Formatting a Montage over VO by Joleene DesRosiers

Hi Joleene. Perhaps this may help... I've seen notes placed in description before a montage, or series of shots, or flashback, like: "V.O. carries over." So maybe "Paige's voice carries over" after the header. Or maybe something like: "As Paige speaks, a SUDDEN RUSH OF IMAGES..." Description, then V.O., then images. Simplicity is often best. But, of course, it depends... I've also seen V.O. dialogue be broken up within a scene or placed in between a series of scenes—my preference, it has more flow. Perhaps look over the script pdf for ARRIVAL. Likewise, seek out films with similar elements/scenes that you wish to execute. See how others handled it on the page. ;) Hope that helps!

Pretty much what Beth said. I've read scripts that had both, but -- again, like Beth said -- the second option with the V.O. broken up between scenes works the best.

Hi Jolene: Based on this being designed as a rapid sequence, I would recommend having the voice over be threaded throughout in order to create they type of rhythm you are going for. Brief and punchy to keep it moving!

Hope this helps.

S.

Thanks, all. I think woven works. I was torn, because "they" say to stick to action and dialogue sequences so it's a smooth read -- and I thought woven through might slow it down a bit?

But it sounds like you all think it has more flow if it's broken up? Shaun Goldsmith Beth Fox Heisinger Justin Kwon

Pretty much, yeah. I think if you included the bulk of the dialogue before or after the montage, the reader would have to go back and forth from it to the dialogue to fully grasp the scene, which would drag the scene on even longer.

Justin Kwon That's how it is now. I don't like it that way. I like the way this thread is thinking. Thanks. :)

Dan Guardino What I have isn't wrong. It's preference.

See https://screenwriting.io/how-do-you-format-a-montage-in-a-screenplay/

and scroll down a bit.

I'm more concerned about adding the VO dialogue in properly.

While I totally understand and concur with Dan G's point about the director down the road (we hope!) your first audience is a reader. So, yes, you certainly should wish to show technical know-how, but you also need to create an easy read that flows and entertains -- which is why I think so many of us are leaning towards breaking it up somehow. Again, perhaps seek out script PDFs written by pros. See how they handled such things on the page. Personally, in a spec (and shooting scripts that I have seen) I prefer formatting that is "correct" or standard, for lack of a better word, but rather loose, with a creative flow. Perhaps what I'm talking about is writing style. Lol! Anyway, you can learn a lot by looking at actual work in practice versus theory -- examples shown on educational websites, like the link you provided. :) Again, hope that helps!

Personally, I think you could create two columns. Put the action description on the left side and the voice over on the right. I'm not sure if this is frowned upon. And I don't know how to do this in final draft. Check out the first few pages of Sunset Blvd. for an example.

http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/sunset_bld_3_21_49.html

Alternatively, I think you can drop your scene headings like Dan did and mention the location in each individual description. This will tighten the flow into the voice over. If you break up the voice over like Arrival or Avatar does, it will feel too stilted in this specific case.

Actually, looking at it again, if you break up the voice over it may also work. It's up to you.

This is a tough one because it's a montage, series of shots, and a flashback all in one with voice over, haha. Just experiment and see what you think works best. And for your question, voice over after description seems the standard and is what I do.

As others have said:

PAIGE :

No, it's cool, I'll give you the short version. My father shot my mother, you know this.

BEGIN RAPID FLASHBACK MONTAGE - VARIOUS

A) EXT. TREE STAND - DAY

A MAN sucks down vodka from a bottle atop a treestand where he sits.

PAIGE (V.O):

What you don't know is that he was a drunk.

B) INT. CABIN - DAY

A WOMAN in a white nightgown sits on the floor of the cabin, holding her bleeding stomach.

PAIGE (V.O) (CONT'D):

Shot her in the stomach while my brother and I watched.

C) INT. PRISON - DAY

The Man stands behind prison bars, starting blankly outward.

PAIGE (V.O) (CONT'D):

He goes to prison, my mother goes into the ground. We were raised by my grandfather who could give a rats ass about us.

D) EXT. WHITE HOUSE - MORNING

A YOUNG MAN beats the piss out of an old guy, runs off with his wallet.

PAIGE (V.O) (CONT'D):

My brother acts out, starts breaking into houses, gets arrested, and then beats the shit out of an old guy.

E) INT. PRISON - DAY

The Young Man stands behind prison bars, staring blankly outward.

PAIGE (V.O) (CONT'D):

Ends up in prison.

END OF MONTAGE

PAIGE: He's an addict. And lucky me, so is my 22-year-old daughter.

Sorry the formatting is all messed up (spacing). Copy and pasting grabs some of the carriage returns apparently.

Found an example that might help. Montage in The Shawshank Redemption:

PRISON MONTAGE: (1947 through 1949)

ANDY PLODS THROUGH HIS DAYS. WORKING. EATING. CHIPPING AND

shaping his rocks after lights-out...

RED (V.O.)

Things went on like that for a

while. Prison life consists of

routine, and then more routine.

ANDY WALKS THE YARD, FACE SWOLLEN AND BRUISED.

RED (V.O.)

Every so often, Andy would show up

with fresh bruises.

ANDY EATS BREAKFAST. A FEW TABLES OVER, BOGS BLOWS HIM A KISS.

RED (V.O.)

The Sisters kept at him. Sometimes

he was able to fight them off...

sometimes not.

ANDY BACKS INTO A CORNER IN SOME DINGY PART OF THE PRISON,

wildly swinging a rake at his tormentors.

RED (V.O.)

He always fought, that's what I

remember. He fought because he knew

if he didn't fight, it would make

it that much easier not to fight

the next time.

The rake connects, snapping off over somebody's skull. They

beat the hell out of him.

RED (V.O.)

Half the time it landed him in the

infirmary...

Chad Stroman , thank you. This is perfect! I really appreciate it.

Joleene, also, you do not need to label each scene in a montage sequence with numbers or A, B, C, D, etc. You could just use dashes before each one, which is far less "clinical" looking. And it's a common format choice/style—as shown in The Screenwriter's Bible. You could even omit EXT and INT and be just fine. There are several options, several ways to execute montage sequences on the page. :)

My two cents, the example Chad so kindly showed of your sequence works but reading it over... it seems repetitive in some spots, same words, similar lines right after each other, like "cabin" and "stomach." So be careful of redundancies. For example, "INT. CABIN - DAY, A WOMAN in a white nightgown sits on the floor of the cabin, holding her bleeding stomach." Then the very next line, Paige V.O. "Shot her in the stomach while my brother and I watched." I would suggest you make a simple change to remove "cabin" and "stomach" from the description. Write it some other way... "A WOMAN in a white nightgown sits on the floor in a pool of blood, clutching at her side." ...Something along those lines. ;) Happy writing and good luck!

Dan - I didn't say it's just a series of shots. I said it's a montage, series of shots, and a flashback all in one with voice over. The scenes read more like shots with the exception of maybe d. But the point I was making is that experimenting is a good idea as it's a tough formatting situation. I didn't suggest a specific title or say it's only a sos.

Thanks for posting this question. I had the exact same question and this helped answer it (even though it is now 5 years later). :-)