Hey guys. I have been off the grid for awhile, working on two of the five scripts I have posted here that I think might have a snowball's chance. I have received dynamite advice from some awesome brains in the past in this particular lounge. I have attached updated PDF's of these two, and I welcome and invite anyone who has a free moment, and is so inclined, to take a look a look at either of these two, tell me if I'm headed in the right direction, or where I need to improve. (screenwriting is so much harder than it looked when first i began.)
The scripts in question are 9ine-One-One and Cut the blue wire.. They are attached to my loglines page on my profile, the address of which is Stage32.com/profile/143374
Forgive me for using Stage 32 as a free film school, but there seems to be a lot of genuine talent here, and people who don't mind taking a moment or two to mentor a dude who still has the training wheels on, like myself.
Thanks in advance for any advice you might have for me, and may the road rise to meet you on all your journeys.
Anthony, I would like to read your scripts, or at least part of them, but I don't know how to find them. If you can explain, I will gladly give you my two-bits worth.
Thank you for the interest Diane. If you paste the address https://www.stage32.com/profile/143374/scripts_screenplays
into your browser, this should take you to my loglines page. Beneath each logline is the option to "Download the screenplay and comment. click on that you should get a PDF.
Remember that 9ine-One-One and Cut the Blue Wire. are the two that have been getting the most due dilligence, and on which I'm most hoping for feedback opinions, and so forth. But hey, anything you wanna read is cool with me. I'm an outsider looking in, and I need all the help I can get
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Hey, Tony. I read the first 30 pages of "Blue Wire." A few notes - first I feel like swearing like a mo...fo. Your dialog is authentic, clever, brutal. Great job there.
Description is pretty dense all around "The branching (neuron/dendrite-like) networks of blue wires have now been replaced by branching FIBER OPTIC CABLES, " If blue wires aren't there now, they shouldn't be in the descrip. You take two lines to say "Fiber Optic Cables." You can trim description in many places. it will make it easier to read.
Awesome joke one-liners. Still trying to wrap my head around a pair of stoners being anywhere around a bomb disposal unit though.
Thanks MARK and DIANE, for just the kind of info I need to get this script to the place it needs to be. And Mark, as for the two heroes being stoners in Blue Wire: There's a hook later for this. The device causes something called Graviton Psychosis. cannabinoids like THC are the only antidote. This, we come to find, is why Chase and Devon are able to approach the bomb in sane condition, while the world around them goes increasingly nuts.