Screenwriting : Imagery/Direction by Imo Wimana Chadband

INT. HALLWAYS - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...through the narrow corridors of the theater. There is a lot

of activity as various workers and stage hands appear and

disappear carrying equipment and scenery. As Riggan descends the

stairs, a Stage Hand· passes by in the opposite direction.

STAGE HAND·

Mr. Thomson.

RIGGAN

Steve.

STAGE HAND·

It’s Daniel.

RIGGAN

(Already passed.)

Okay.

Riggan continues on until he arrives backstage. He runs into

Jake (42) his producer and friend.

JAKE

How’s it going, buddy.

RIGGAN

Great. It’d be even better if I

could get Ralph to stop acting like

he’s in an educational video for

syphilis...

The camera moves off of them and onto...

INT. STAGE - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...the stage. Suddenly we are in the midst of an Americana style

kitchen.

if im understanding correctly what you're trying to do.. thats how they did it in birdman

It's something like that Jeff. The ending part is what I'm trying to accomplish.

Dan: The scene before we were in Patricia's room. The intention is to leave her there and have a glimpse of what's happening with Samantha at that same point in time. So Samantha is already sitting in the bathroom, we're just moving along on our own from Patricia's room, down the hallway, into Samantha's bathroom. So it's just us moving and not anyone else. Hope I explained it correctly. Would my way of portraying it okay in that case? Oh and it's a continuation of the previous scene so the time and everything was established.

Yeah my bad that was long winded. The ending is what I meant I was just trying to include two scene headings. We hover is basically the same as the camera moves over. Or if the hallway scene isn't important you can put

INT. SAMANTHA'S BATHROOM - SAME TIME

Haha no worries Jeff. I'm never against reading, so the lead up to that part doesn't hurt at all. Appreciate the help bro.

Hmmm. That's close to the alternative I was going to, and I just may revert to that. But I guess I was intent on doing the whole 'move through the house' thing I had in my mind. It felt more...suspenseful, you know.

My understanding is to create one scene heading for "SAMANTHA'S HOUSE" and the rooms in the house as shots, especially if someone (or the camera) is going from one room to the next. Maybe start with the first location capitalized in an action/description line.

INT. SAMANTHA'S HOUSE - DAY

The dark HALLWAY leads to the light-filled

BATHROOM

Where, toilet seat down, Samantha sits [some brief description of her state of mind maybe via her posture or expression, like "slumped over, agonizing"]

It's hard to write lines without context Imo. Why is the hall important to see Samantha in? Can you push on to Samantha enters bathroom and sits without even lifting the seat. Is the hallway needed? What does it show us. The action tells us nothing about the hall so is it needed? If you want her moving through the scene in a pan shot. You have to make the hall important. So what's in the hall we need to see that moves the scene into the toilet. Otherwise it's a camera shot. If your trying to create a visual that's important then you have to be creative with why we are even in the hall in the first place. it needs to reveal something.

Dan G. You might be right. But I just saw in Imos reply to you he was trying to show two things taking place at the same point in time. Im getting confused though now lol

Jeff I see what Dan is saying, and yea he just might be right lol While Samantha is over there doing her thing, it's not necessarily that I'm trying to show what's happening at the same exact time, but just kind of viewing her predicament after we've been watching Patricia's own predicament...Even I for a second was confused and it's my script haha I was looking back like, "hold up what's happening in this scene again" lol

Karen: it's actually not necessary. I just like how that scene would play out if it went that route lol We're not following Samantha, she's already in her position in the bathroom. It's more like we're coming to see what she's up to in there. Based on how the scene was with Patricia right before, it's a kind of dark scene, so the movement from Patricia's room, into the hallway, then into Samantha's bathroom, would just add to the feel of that scene, you know.

Then you are telling the camera what to do Imo. So you have to do so creatively. I have a scene that rolls into a house through a hall and looks towards a kitchen then continues to another rooms. Then I have to come back down and it's a very hard scene to write without doing a shooting scene. I have used visual cues that push the scene and story forward to account for being in that place. If say Patricia was about to leap of her bed and stab Samantha whilst she sits on the toilet you could see a visual pop on the hall table before hand, that way the hall has purpose. Or say if we find these two people and instantly our first intro to them is they hate each other. If we roll past photos of them all happy, together sharing lots of good times, then maybe broken vase, we are pushing the scene on in the hall. This shows the contrast between then and now. If you use the hall to say something other than just a roll through you give it a legitimate reason to exist.

If it's not essential to your story, I'd throw it out.

A lot of people have posted here over the years that, when they needed to shorten or trim their scripts for a contest or something. ..how then ended up easily cutting 4 or 5 pages of fluff-like stuff. A few lines here, a few lines there - not only did it help them reach their page count goals, but it also made their stories tighter and more moving.

I'm not saying that intro is fluff, since I don't know its purpose in your story, but that's a good rule of thumb to follow when writing a long screenplay.

Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Imo!

"Film is the most important art and it has the power to change the universe." - Milos Stehlik

REST IN PEACE, MILOS STEHLIK (February 6, 1949 - July 6, 2019)

The thing is, I've removed so much of the script already for the said reasons stated, but i'm being heavily reluctant with the little scene to do the same :'( But...snip snip. Unless I write in something that gives the hallway a legit purpose, it's bye bye for it

You don't have to cut the hall. You just have to make it relevant to the action.

Exactly what Karen said. Why mention the hallway if it has no relevance. Unless as she's walking down the hallway there's broken and crooked pictures on the walls (maybe indicating a struggle or something) . But it's really hard to understand what you're trying to accomplish here without really knowing about the character and what exactly is going on. Maybe:

Int. Samantha's House - Night??

Patricia enters the dark house through the front door. She walks down the dimly lit hallway toward the bathroom and stops at the doorway.

BATHROOM

Samantha sits atop the toilet or how about Samantha is sitting on the bathroom floor, crying. Patricia quickly walks over to her.

Just a thought : )

The way the scene is set up, there's no movement from either of the characters. They are already in their positions and we're just moving from one room to the next to view. Writing something to make the hallway have purpose would just be unnecessary given the scene, so I just took it out. It works without it, I adjusted the scene a bit as to still convey the suspense vibe I wanted :D