Your Stage : Log Line by Nellie Bly Workman

Hmmm...

A script called "Monster Movies" sounds fun to me, a kind of "Scream" thing.

Disclaimer - Beginner to ANY of this, lol... Not an expert.

So, what is the logline supposed to do? Just premise and emotional insight? Protagonist (nameless), problem or threat, and antagonist.

1.) Meh. The bit after 12yo loses me. So much stuff out there about boys / men / males already.

What kid doesn't want their "whatever" to not lead to Fame and Fortune?! But then, if I rethink it, about what I would rather hear, I need more about the plot to know what to say, and I don't have any, what I do have is questions, and if it's about getting me to buy in... Umm... Meh... Maybe...

2.) I don't know. Not having read the item itself, I have no way of knowing. That could be the best possible logline, or it may be doing a disservice... Or it could just be me (nervous laugh)

So... Random thoughts / redo's...

Questions... As a TV Horror Host Announcer, is the Amateur Film Contest his baby? Is he gonna lose his job bc the studio's at risk of cutting him to cut costs? Was it his idea? Is it a task he's been handed off? Is he taking it seriously? Is he Just / Only the Announcer or... Is he personally invested in the contest? Is it how he got into things, does he see a reflection of himself in the kids response, or...

The kid, does it have to be a boy? Can the winner be someone other than a boy? Why does it need to be a boy? How is the broken home bit important, or is it more important to focus on the kids need for attention, or developing talent supported by over-worked and struggling single parents who otherwise can't agree on anything (including who's to blame for failed relationship, or for the kids dreams not reaching desired outcome, or for even existing) regarding talent. Is it important to mention the broken home bc the kids efforts fail to net him the win, but have the ability to knit a family together? Or knit one out of ppl other than birth family, or possibly to change the outcome (every scared hurting kids need) or interpretation of broken / of the broken-ness (thinking Pink's Family Portrait, or something similar, only of learning to accept is for the horror it is, and to see that even that can be used to create something better, or at least lucrative, or perhaps just therapeutically exercise the issues). What is the actual outcome&cost of winning/losing, and is that mentioned?

What kind of piece is it? Feel Good? Bc, not sure how much of that you would want reflected in a logline... Maybe Humor? Drama? Or does something else happen we're not privy to and does that need a mention to draw attention? I this a stalker 12-y-o? Are we looking at the male&cinematic version of Christine?

Sooo many questions.... I struggle with writing, and the questions are always endless, and I'm always second guessing, so maybe your logline does exactly what it's supposed to?? Idk...

Experimental Rewrite

"After a late night, TV Horror Host (Watsdename-O Person), announces the amateur film contest he's sponsoring in the hopes of generating life (ha ha), only to find his winner may be a complicated / courageous 12 year old, and a family bent on destruction."... Maybe... And now I'm rewriting it again...Yikes...

Idk.. Just my thoughts. Did your logline do what it's supposed to? Was all of this your logline working?? lol

Did I understand what you needed or were looking for? Was any of what I had to say helpful?? I hope it was, I hope I am getting it.

Best of luck.

I hope it's a Feel Good, we could all use more of those.

There is absolutely no reason the main character has to be a boy. I wrote the script based off shared experiences that both me and my husband hand, and being AMAB and in the closet, I defaulted to a cis male protagonist. Something I really haven't done since.

I've considered changing him to a girl, because that's the audience I mostly want to write for, though that would change how I approach the social pressures put on young children, because 12 year old boys and girls have entire different expectations. All unfair, but different. So I haven't made the change, but I've been thinking about it from that angle and still undecided. Even in the beginning, I gave him a gender neutral name if I wanted to make the change later on.

The Horror Host wants to do the contest, its his idea, but he's doing it because the network is struggling to find things for him to run. They sort of see him as a dying breed and aren't supporting the show.

To answer your question about how broken, I'd say "Pretty Damn". The mother is an alcoholic and (implied) drug addict. The father's almost never around, mostly because he's constantly working to keep them a step above homelessness. And the two are engaged in a cycle of emotional abuse that ears down on the kids.

That's why its so important. The kid, Dana, is old enough to know some of what's happening but not all of it. But if he can get this movie, he becomes famous, he's able to get all the money he needs to set things right. Because he's a bright kid, but still a kid.

Is this a feel good film? Yes, but also, a response to feel good films. Again, this was based off things me and my husband experienced. And one thing that annoyed us growing up is when movies tried to deal with neglect, abuse, ect. regarding Children they were either bleak and edgy, or the solution was unreasonably optimistic. As a kid I was insulted by movies like that. So I wrote my own where its uplifting in the fact that things do get better both directly and indirectly from the kids making the movie, but things aren't perfect. But more than enough to be life affirming.

Problem is I can't fit all that subtext into the logline.

It sounds good to me Nellie Bly Workman

LOL

Totally, but knowing more of the details Doe help me to understand the logline a little better and determine something new. The Goal - Save my family.. The method? I LOVE movies and making films, have been in them and making them from the age of four, a Contest?! My shot at happiness!

Initially I thought the "Heroi/ine" of the story was going to be the Announcer, but it is the Kid! AWESOME! And the Announcer is along for the ride, he's the Golden Ticket... Maybe... If his "craft" doesn't die"

I have no idea how to write loglines though, but ... (deep breath and give it a try) maybe...

Could one kids love of film art save his family's future, and revive an announcer's dreams as well?

Kid with budding movie-making skills & talent, home life beginning to crack under pressure, Horror Show Announcer debating the call to fund his curiosity and a contest or retire while the retiring is good, learn together to achieve their dreams?

Is that a "good" (?) logline? Or was yours a better one?

I don't know, honest to Franki-ness.

Yours raised a lot of questions and I don't know, really, if that isn't what a good logline isn't supposed to be doing? ??

I wrote this, but not having Any experience writing them, I've no idea if I'm doing what we're supposed to be doing or not. I may be way off, but I was trying to summarize what you wrote, in a line. Well, not ALL of it, but enough of it in a way that shows the conflicts... We're not talking an Adult deciding to make a movie, it's a kid, and kids don't have many rights, on top of that, the ones kids DO have are extended kind of at the whim of adults around them, so there's going to be A LOT o conflict there, and especially (possibly?) in a family where Mom is starting to spiral like a lead zeppelin, and dad's abdicated in a sink or swim move, and then there's the contest itself, which may never make it out of the announcers back pocket as he face career oblivion (possibly?) or a more comfortable retirement if he just keep his money in his pocket rather than trying to continue living his dream... Throw in the usual (and current hot topic issues about the industry and kids) and some equally smarmy and exploitative "professionals" with that dose of abdicated parent and drunken (and naive) parents, and... Welll... There's certainly A lot to overcome, a lot to be grateful for, lots to offer thought provoking scenes around, any of which could be their own little trailer... Possibly even an inspirational spin-off where kid opens his own company, perhaps in partnership with Announcer guy, in the industry backed by some honest professionals who know the value of treating others with due respect and dignity and BLAM!... maybe.. hahaha. I am sitting here totally laughing at myself for how excited I am about the ideas that your idea has inspired.

Well done!! I love it.

Though I've no idea, still, about loglines and whether or not you need to rewrite, but IF you know a bit more than I do... Uhhh.. Well... What do YOU think? Does yours do what it was supposed to? Does mine? Is there something between the two that you're going to go scribble on pizza boxes or cocktail napkins about? ^^

And not to...idk... I went looking for other loglines or things to try to get an idea and then remembered PayItForward, thought I'd pop that in here, bc who knows, maybe it'll help? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/plotsummary

Idk... Maybe mine are wordier than they need to be.

It's a pretty good idea. The logline needs to be rewritten. https://www.scriptreaderpro.com/script-logline/ this is a nice article.

1. I'm interested in it because I love monster movies, especially giant monster movies, that being said, I personally would be disappointed if this was just a kid's movie that was only about making the movie. If you included fantasy segments where we see the real version in the kid's head, that would be cool.

2. The writing of it is solid enough. It's not terribly exciting other than the fact that it's about a monster movie. I think the story itself could use a twist.

I'm no expert, but I've had some feedback on my (admittedly limited) written pitches so far, so I might suggest a few changes. Always lay out who the protagonist is first. Keep it simple. Then, hit us with the situation/background. Also, very simple. Finally, hit us with the conflict/drama/what-must-be-overcome. Also, here, simplicity and clarity are most important. With these suggestions in mind, I'll offer something like: "When twelve-year-old CHARACTER NAME heard about an amateur film contest on his favorite horror show, he had to leap right over his broken home-life to create the Giant Monster Movie of his dreams." I hope this is helpful and good luck with your progress.

Nellie, this great idea has "Pixar" written all over it! My suggestion is to make it an "animation screenplay" Imagine the twist is the "Big Monster" in his home movie is real!! But the TV host and judges think he is incredible with special effects, but things go off the rails when a big Hollywood studio wants to MAKE his movie! Now that would be funny and entertaining to see him wiggle around the fact he has a "Big Monster." And the Studio deviously wants to capture him for their own financial purposes. I see an awesome message in there about friendship, greed, and fame.

To answer your questions...

1: Yes.

2: I think the logline could be a bit stronger, just based on what you wrote in your reply. It just really depends on how much of a character the Horror Host is.

The OG: After a late night TV Horror Host announces an amateur film contest, a twelve year old boy from a broken home puts together a Giant Monster Movie that he believes will lead to fame and fortune.

Revision: After learning his favorite local horror show is hosting an amateur film contest, a young kid sets out to make an epic giant monster film! If he can pull it off, it'll bring fame and fortune, solving all of problems of his broken home... or so he thinks.

Of course, that's just my opinion... loglines are a tricky thing to pull off, but I think you're on the right track with your original. But from what you had down originally and what you expanded upon in your reply, I think the script sounds entertaining!

Revised: "A troubled teen enters his self-produced "big monster movie" into a once-in-a-lifetime famous amateur film contest, in hopes to attain fame and fortune and escape his poverty-stricken broken home." I hope this helps!

Sounds a little like the 80s vampire movie FRIGHT NIGHT. Really liked the movie. My kids liked it back in the day and now my grandchildren enjoy it. Go for it.