Your Stage : Looking for critiques of my short film trailer by Michelle Dionne Wardlaw

Michelle Dionne Wardlaw Would love to see the whole show. Honestly, I think the trailer could be cut tighter. As for low budget and impact, I am not sure what you mean. The CGI doesn't near cutting edge, but "impact" implies a story people want to watch and who cares about being on the bleeding edge of VFX for that? As someone in the industry, I am personally familiar with the systems and software which generate the specific looks you use. So, don't hope to impress anyone sophisticated about that. But it seems well used and story driven and that's what it's supposed to be about. To me, there's a story which I would like to see and that's the point.

Shadow Dragu-Mihai, Esq., Ipg Thanks so much for the feedback! I really respect your opinions because you are very knowledgeable!

Any specific parts where you noticed it started to drag? I was thinking it was too long as well but I have no clue where to cut it.

We used DAZ and boy was that a nightmare with the constant crashing, lol. This was as low budget as it gets, lol!

Michelle Dionne Wardlaw Okay so it's just my opinion (but you asked!). The very first part of the trailer has a couple fade to blacks and that's distracting, and returning to the man walking seems to have nothing with the story. I would lose those visuals, sit back and rethink the very basic conflict and character point(s) of the story and hit that hard immediately. The "ninja disguise" sequence seems to me like an interesting spot to start as it is clearly a joke but suggests several possible plot or thematic points. In other words, there's a reason for someone to continue watching from there. That stood out to me because of that. If you don't have another clip you like better that accomplishes the same thing, I would consider starting with that. The switch in realities and the stakes for the character(s) should be pretty up front and hammered home. Once that is done, there's not much else to do unless you want to display other characters or something dramatic. I think the sound worked well, come to think of it. Also, don't fret using DAZ, the audience couldn't care less. The first season of the animated Star Wars series I am convinced used Poser on rather basic settings.

Michelle Dionne Wardlaw It looks great in my humble opinion. I agree with Shadow Dragu-Mihai, I'd love to see the entire story. It doesn't look low budget to me but I'm not sure what it's about. I see trailers as visual loglines. Hope that helps and great job getting it done. What did you use to animate?

Shadow Dragu-Mihai, Esq., Ipg This is extremely good feedback! My goal is conveying the main character is on a journey. initially I had a single walk shot to the first transition, but was advised that would be too boring and honestly, I agreed. So the solution was the fade to black from different points of his travels.

Thank you so much for the thoughtful response! I’m writing it all down!

MB Stevens Awesome! Thank you!

My logline is: “After emerging from pandemic lockdown, an unemployed DC bartender attempts a return to the gym - to escape his video game obsession, but he struggles to stay focused along the way.”

We used DAZ Studios for the 3-D animation. I think we may have pushed it to the limit, lol. It started getting wonky and glitchy but overall I’m happy with it.

I love the protagonist and the mix of animation and reality. Using the video game itself as the antagonist it brilliant. I don't know the whole story, but going by your logline, you could try upping the stakes. His goal is to get back to the gym. Maybe his spouse left him because of his video game obsession and he must overcome it in order to get the love of his life back. I hope this helps.