Screenwriting : Finalist by Natalie Robison Hejny

Congratulations on being a Finalist, Natalie Robison Hejny! :D

Congratulations Natalie Robison Hejny!!

Sorry, but your comments didn't show up, Natalie Robison Hejny.

Congratulations Natalie Robison Hejny !!!

Congratulations, Natalie! Enjoy the success.

Super excited for you Natalie!

congrats!

Y’all i don’t know why the comments aren’t posting

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE WELL WISHES

You're welcome, Natalie Robison Hejny.

Congratulations, Natalie!

Natalie Robison Hejny congrats!!!

Well deserved, congratulations Natalie!!

Congrats to you.( I didn't make the cut.).. What's your logline?

Hey Wendy Appelbaum- longline: Lola, a Monarch caterpillar attends the Fourth Generation Academy to prepare for migration to Mexico where she learns about the dangers and responsibilities she’ll encounter. The major problem: Lola doesn’t want to become a butterfly.

That sounds interesting - keep us posted!

Thanks, Wendy. I first wrote this as a feature then with some encouragement broke it into pieces and expanded for a series. The characters are exaggerated and hilarious.. I feel super fortunate they spoke to me in a voice I heard… it felt like they were sitting on my desk telling me what to write. I’m not great at longlines… I need to take a course.

Your series sounds terrific, Natalie Robison Hejny! I think you're almost there with your logline. Here’s a logline template that might help:

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”

Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.

Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.

Example #1:

“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”

Example #2:

“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”

NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.

Yay! Maurice Vaughan THANK YOU!!

WOW...Congratulations Natalie. I'm so jealous. So what's next for your project?

You're welcome, Natalie Robison Hejny. Hope you find a home for your series. As I said, it sounds terrific!

Thanks so much Maurice Vaughan!

Kevin Jackson I do hope the series finds people who adore her and want to bring her to animated life ;) we shall see

You're welcome, Natalie Robison Hejny.