Screenwriting : Round 2 on parentheticals...to do...or not to do... by Curt Samlaska

Congratulations on the great consultation and all the success with JBR, Curt Samlaska! Your post reminds me of advice I heard/I use (paraphrased): Write a great script and the other stuff doesn't matter.

Thanks Maurice. Just my two cents…for what it’s worth.

You're welcome, Curt Samlaska. I use three periods instead of (beat), but that's just my preference. I'm curious where (beat) came from now.

Good article. I am so conscious of how many parentheticals I insert. I fear it sometimes crosses the 'telling' the actor or director how to play that line of dialogue, so I tend not to use them. I want to leave the actor to do their job and shape their emotion from the setting, dialogue and context of the scene. Well done on your coverage result. Heavy investment in time and money is likely to be a requirement for writers at the beginning of their crafting journey. I know I plan to put my writing through some rigorous critique before I let it loose in the wild!

Hey Curt, thank you so much! Your valuable feedback really hit home. It's crystal clear that having proper coverage on the script is absolutely vital to make it attractive and sell like hotcakes. Your insights are greatly appreciated.

Thank you Greg Wong. I have always been confused about this argument, or fear about offending actors/directors for a number of reasons. First, are they purchasing your feature? No. A producer/producers will make that decision. Second, there certainly is room for the actor to "do their thing" in every action point. For example take the action point (angrily). Is this loud boisterous anger, quiet seething anger, flamboyant anger, etc.? It is up to the director/actors to make these final determinations. But in telling your story to a potential producer you have to, as I always say, tell the best story you can in the best visual format you can. And finally, are all actors/directors devas that take offense to the slightest of perceived transgressions? I think not...I hope not. I believe most actors/directors are consummate professionals and will hopefully take your minimal direction as a suggestion on how they should play the roll from your creative point of view. After all...it is your story. Just my thoughts...

Maurice, thanks for your thoughts. I use "..." as a very brief pause, such as stumbling on a word in a conversation, or a brief pause reflecting "thinking" for a brief moment...that then progresses into the same train of thought. I use (beat) as a distinct pause or break in the dialogue...which allows for the next string of dialogue to progress in the same or new direction. It results in a pondering moment. Hope that makes sense. I'm going to provide a copy of page 25 of Jingle Bell Rock as an example. It's not a perfect image...had a heck of a time converting the PDF to a decent JPG. This is the format I use...

You are welcome Taurai Du Plessis! I hope this helps a little.

You're welcome, Curt Samlaska. "I use (beat) as a distinct pause or break in the dialogue...which allows for the next string of dialogue to progress in the same or new direction. It results in a pondering moment." That makes sense. I like to use a character action or reaction in an action line as a distinct pause or break in dialogue, but I've seen writers use (beat) and (long beat) in scripts. I might use (beat) and (long beat) to see how I like them.

I don’t care what other people say. You are using parentheticals wrong. You should not use them to describe any action. Action belongs in the action lines. You should not describe emotions. If you want to show emotions show the character doing something. Using (beat) is obsolete and … is preferred nowadays. Just because someone you are paying doesn’t say anything about your use of parentheticals doesn’t mean you are doing it right.

Curt...you stoked my curiosity so I went on Coverfly to check you out. Like you, I'm in the Top 1%/Action. Been on the Red List for all of 2022-23. I think it's great having a shopping agreement but has all that effort, money and talent gotten you a Literary Manager? If not then you really need to make a move in that direction. I've had one for nearly a year. Her boss responded to a pitch (only $35), asked for the script (Nobody's Heroes) and I was signed. Which means, I haven't had to pay for script analysis or rewrites since. Her advice is invaluable, the business connections unbeatable. Now, obtaining one is no guarantee for success. I was once repped by William Morris and the best I can say of that experience is that I got rejected by Hollywood A-listers. Point is, having one gives you a real leg up in this ruthlessly competitive arena. Keep up the good work.

Thanks Dan for your comments...that's just what I want to do is to get a discussion going and I appreciate your thoughts. But if it is such a transgression I would believe I would have received much more push back than I did. Your position is just one response. I have over 30 other actual full screenplay evaluations that say otherwise. Once again, if I'm telling an amazing, gripping story do you think they will honestly kick it out because I didn't format it exactly how they want it? If that's the case we are all doomed.

Thanks Michael for your perspective. I have really been working at getting my screenplays out there for about a year now. I really fired things up again after publishing my second novel, Terminal Cascade. I take care of some pretty important people and I'm hoping to exploit that access also. I don't have an agent and I really haven't tried to, been concentrating on just producing the best scripts I can. My other two features, Terminal Cascade and The Reluctant First Gentleman are big projects, each will require over 30 million to produce. I'm hoping to get JBR completed first, which should be able to be done for under 5 million, and then go from there. We will be looking into Angel Studios for sure...since JBR has some very spiritual qualities. We are all up against impossible odds, and nobody has a "Gold Standard" formula for getting there. The road is branched with many forks...

Curt Samlaska I am not suggesting someone would pass on your screenplay because you didn’t format it exactly how they wanted. I’m just saying you are doing something most people were taught you shouldn’t do.

I believe it depends on who is doing the teaching. You're pretty dogmatic about this, and I appreciate your passion, but until I get specific objections from individuals in the industry evaluating my work, I will continue to do what has worked for me. If it doesn't work for you that's okay...

I am not dogmatic about this. I am just repeating what I have read in a how-to book I read.

Spec script or shooting script?

I understand her problem with telling writer's to rewrite there scripts. It must be frustrating. That's one of the reasons I haven't written a script yet. I think it's better to collaborate with the production team and get the best writer for the job , instead of thinking that I'm the best writer for the job.

@Curt, thanks for sharing!

You are right about investing in the work we do as writers. It may sound intimidating when it comes to financial stability as many of us are limited to effort these services... but it's worth it. Myself I have a three-part TV series which I couldn't efford to pay for review, but I was lucky to have a the readers in the production company in which I submitted it giving me feedback "Review the MC's backstory. We need to know more about him", following a note: Also to remind you that we don't do script reviews. I'm happy to know what I shall get back to.

Wonderful information, Curt. I do the same with my novels and scripts, get pro reviews, revise, get more reviews, and revise. When they feel ready, I submit to contests. I'm not wealthy, but like you, I don't expect to make a living off the work. I just want to create meaningful stories. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I'm excited for you and look forward to viewing the finished film. Keep us posted!

I'm a bestselling author and a working screenwriter and WGA member for 35 years. I have also taught screenwriting in San Francisco and lectured all over the country and in Europe. There is nothing more annoying than overwritten (parentheticals). I have seen students use one after every character name. On occasion, you can add some emotion (growing anxious). But dialogue does that better if the character stammers. It works best if it shows THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE CHARACTER is SAYING. If someone says "That's a lovely dress" you can say (insincerely) or (veiled sarcasm) but again - by perfecting your dialogue skills, your character's words will do this even better. If I have more than two of these in a feature script or teleplay, I look to replace them. The worst thing aspiring writers do is DIRECT THE MOVIE in Action descriptions. Every movement, gesture, tone, et al. If you tell Robert DeNiro when to (smile) he'll have you thrown off the set.

Thanks for your input James. I will count you as one of those that is screaming in horror. Still...I like how my screenplay reads and flows. I think there is a difference between a spec script and a production script. I believe most of your comments would be directed at a production script. I will let you know if my spec script goes anywhere...

Curt Samlaska congratulations on your accomplishments, it's wonderful when someone thinks highly of your work. I look forward to hearing of your next milestones. I think the important thing is not only did you get the coverage, but you were also open to the suggestions people gave you.

Curt, thanks so darn much for posting!

To tell the truth...I'm one of the many who don't have the money to get professional coverage for every screenplay/TV script. (If I could invest the kind of dough you put into writing and improving "Jingle Bell Rock," I gladly would.)

That's what I get for being on a fixed income (Social Security and some of the stock money I'm receiving now that I'm a retiree from a plastics factory).

My compensation is to read lots of scripts (not only here on Stage 32, but also on Script Revolution)...and then, when it's my turn to write, think about everything I want to put down, from establishing six plot points to creating an "outline/scene list" to the actual script itself.

Me, I'm a bit like Maurice Vaughan in that I feel more comfortable using three periods instead of "beat." I feel more comfy with using parentheticals underneath a character's name to describe action points...and I confess to using them in the action itself.

And I've tried to borrow from CJ Walley the practice of trying to write my first draft as if it were my final draft...and then I edit as I go along, whether I'm still heading for the "FADE OUT" page on my first draft or going back over the script after I've typed "FADE OUT."

Glad you're here on 32...and here's wishing you all the VERY BEST!

Thank you Jill for your kind words. Jim, I think there are other options such as writer's groups where you read each other's work. There was somebody that set one up here just in the past few weeks. You might be able to set up a local group in your area to edit and comment on each other's work. Good luck to all! For me I just don't have the time for that with my demanding schedule and my kids...

Jim Brown. Personally, I never paid for feedback. I guess it is nice if someone can afford it but if you can't you can always try to find an experienced screenwriter to give you some for free.

Curt Samlaska When you started this, you knew some people would scream in horror because your use of parentheticals is precisely the opposite of what other screenwriters were taught.

James Dalessandro is a working screenwriter with 35 years of experience, so I am sure he knows the difference between a spec screenplay and a production script. What he said is for spec screenplays, not a production script.

What are you discussing in the lounge?

I'm glad to see this chain has provoked some conversation. Let me reiterate the crucial point here. WRITE GREAT DIALOGUE and trust it. Write action description that clues us to the EMOTIONS in the scene - "He paces, anxious - practically jumps when the door opens. In walks his smug, overdressed and jewelry-laden ex-wife STELLA," That's it. Now, when people read your dialogue, they'll have a clue to the SUBTEXT - what's going on below the surface. Great dialogue illuminates what characters mean, not what they say. Let me share an admonition I have used on thousands of students. 1. In Action, briefly set the location and EMOTIONAL content of the scene. Briefly. 2. Write dialogue that illuminates those emotions. 3. Once your characters take the stage, it's about them, not you. Shut up and stay out of it - it's their turn and you're interrupting. READ FARGO COVER TO COVER then read it again. Particularly the opening scene when Jerry Lundegaard enters the Blue Ox saloon and meets the two idiots who are going to kidnap his wife for him. The Coen Brothers set the scene and then let the three bozos take over. They use three SHORT action lines to alter and enhance the emotion and introduce Steve Buscemi's bumpkin partner Gaar Grimsruud. There are NO (parentheticals) in 3 1/2 pages. If anyone can do it better than that, have them contact me. The Oscar-winning script is 104 pages and several scenes were omitted later. It is mandatory study for any would-be screenwriter.

Parentheticals should be used only for the following purposes:

1) to define, specifically, to whom a character is speaking when there are several (more than two) characters in a given location

2) when a character speaks a foreign language and it’s important for the reader to understand what’s being said.

Parentheticals should not be used to describe an action. If it’s an action (even crying or laughing), it belongs in a description/action line.

Parentheticals should not be used to describe how a line is spoken. Actors and directors do not want the writer to tell them how to speak the lines. More importantly, if the dialog is written well, it won’t be necessary to show how the line is spoken.

Avoid ellipses(…), “pauses”, and “beats” in dialog. Most of the time, you should let actors figure out where best to pause or hesitate. Having said this, craftily written dialog invites the actor to discover the emotion and rhythm of a line on his/her own. So, here's a simple trick: a period is a “beat”. Because we are taught at an early age to pause after periods when reading, just by putting periods where a pause is necessary, you are creating rhythm more naturally (and coaxing the actor toward a specific method of delivery in a less pervasive, more acceptable way). To illustrate, let's resurrect a scene from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Let's use Spock's death scene: having willed himself to his feet toward the end of the movie, barely alive from radiation poisoning after saving the ship. Because of what he has physically endured, it is INTEGRATED (integral to the story) for the writer to embellish a little on how he might deliver his line: “Ship. Out of danger?” Just by truncating his speech here and not typing "ship out of danger" without interruption, it makes it easier for the actor to step into the moment, contemplating what it would be like to struggle to suck in air to get just one word or two out at a time, as his body is giving out. Additionally, his last act was to save the ship. So, separating ship like this on the page (later, emphasizing it on screen) is integrated with its level of importance within the plot itself.

Just like you...that is one man's opinion. What I have been telling you is that what you and James have been so against is not what I have been getting from the over 30 professionals that have reviewed my work, and they have read the entire script. I am going to go with those recommendations and not yours. Maybe you should have some objective professionals read your work and see what recommendations they can provide for you.

As far as James Delassandro's comments go, I can appreciate his point of view, but again, maybe I am not dealing with as many Divas that he has had experiences with. I have actually provided you with a copy of a page from my script and not one person has said a word about it. On page 25 there are 5 parentheticals...(beat), (long beat), (she ignores him), (reaches for her hand), and (pulls her hand away). Remove these 5 parentheticals and for me it completely changes the flow and the dynamic of the script. You could say that I could incorporate these into action lines, but in doing so I dramatically increase the line count. A simple "He reaches for her hand" would require 3 lines compared to just one. You can do what you want with your script, but from the feedback I have received I don't see that my formatting is considered "unprofessional." In fact, as I have stated, I have had numerous evaluations that expound the professionalism of my screenplays.

In this regard I would like to point out that I have 3 features I have been shopping around. The Reluctant First Gentleman is in the top 2% on Coverfly and has placed very highly in many competitions. Terminal Cascade has also done very well, top 10-12%, and that screenplay is the adaptation of my book. I really haven't been promoting Terminal Cascade because it is a massive project that would run into the 100-200 million dollar range. I would like to point out that for each of these screenplays I have had again probably 20-30 evaluations for each...which means I have had a total of at least 70 professionals in the industry read my work. They all have commented on how professional the scripts are.

So, having not read my screenplays at all, I am to completely rewrite my work to conform to some perceived format slight that you believe I have made? In telling all of you my experiences I'm hoping that it will lighten the fear that many have to even using parentheticals. Read some of the posts...there are many that go through great lengths to avoid using them for fear of pissing somebody off. I'm hoping that my experience and having paid for over 70 professional evaluations may temper this fear. Just a bit. That doesn't include the one hour one-on-ones that I've done with professional screenwriters. I really like doing those...even had one from Scotland...he was very helpful. Great discussion...by the way. Cheers.

Great advice, James Dalessandro!

I just read James Dalessandro's second post. Great information...thank you.

Sheesh.... 70 paid evals. That business is booming :)

I have no dog in this but let us know when money flows the opposite direction to your bank! GL, sir!

LOL...Dan... I am so busy that I prefer to pay somebody to help me cut corners. I actually write in between seeing patients. Love to write, wether it's a medical article, a novel or a screenplay. I gotta write...

Just read Dustin Lee's comments. Very helpful, very useful direction! Thank you...

Dustin Lee is 100% correct.

This has been fantastic...thank you everybody. Based on these learned comments from Dustin Lee and James Dalessandro I have decided to go back and modify my scripts to reflect these suggestions. I see where I can polish it up further to the "suggested standards." Dan Giardino you helped too. Great discussion. Thanks everybody! Hopefully this will take my work to infinity and beyond! And back again...

Curt Samlaska, I am glad to hear I was of some help.

Well. I burned through the script and removed the parentheticals following the recommendations of Dustin Lee. On recount I have 5 total remaining and the script size went from 108 to 103 pages. Thank you everybody for this exercise. I will follow these rules from here on out. Best to all...

Thanks Dan. It's funny the habits you get into. I started writing screenplays and novels in the late 90s, then got married, had kids, and this all went to the back of the bus. Re-engaged about 2 years ago and was off to the races. My youngest is 17, an equestrian...she has just been accepted into the Texas A&M riding team so I soon will be an empty nester after this, her senior year of high school. I actually prefer my use of the parenthetical for the reasons that I stated, but I'm not going to fight the industry for sure. The comments from Dustin Lee, who has unbelievable credentials and the input from James Dalessandro who also has incredible credentials and remarkable experiences in screenwriting can not be argued with, in my opinion. I am actually very pleased that my "screaming in horror" rant was able to get these two remarkable people onto this thread to teach us all about this very specific topic. Once again, thank you Dustin and James for coming to my aid!

Congratulations on your success. I too am on the red list at coverfly and am constantly working on my writing. What you are saying about parentheses is conflicting to what I’m being told along the way. I do feel it looks tacky and can be done away with by using concise action. The only times I use it are in short stage plays when I know the reader isn’t bothered by it. I also have been told to cut out all beats.

But it’s sounds like for your script it doesn’t matter about these writer nuances.

Thanks for sharing.

Yw Curt! Lemme know how can I get on your list for paid evals! Lol. With your track record, you can host a lowball bidding war for consultant work!

My pleasure Curt. I'm always glad to be of assistance and will be posting a screenwriting course on my website in the coming months (for screenwriters of all levels). Write on!

LOL...hey Dan. I have buffed this thing so much I have gotten to the point where I don't want to change anything else. This revelation about the parentheticals was a great discovery for me, for now I feel there will be little to object to. If you want to read it for fun...I would be willing to kick you a reading fee. Just let me know.

Hey Cheryl...I have seen the error of my ways and have removed all but 5 of the parentheticals. It really didn't take me much time to do it either, I did it between seeing patients...multitasking. I did remove all the beats and it made me sad...but there you go. I am very old school in screenwriting having studied it and starting it in the 90s. Had to stop for, say, 20 years to raise my kids. But now...I'm baaaaaaaaaaack.

It is so great to have you here Dustin and I'm looking forward to your contributions. Thanks again for helping me refine my work. Special thanks also goes out to James, really enjoyed your input also. Now, where is Mark Wahlberg...I got a project for him...

Well heres the question - she loved the script and you... did she buy it? no. did she ask to develop something with you? Or ask for another script to read that shes NOT Being paid to read? If you had 270 parentheticals snd she did not have ANY notes for you... she didnt read your whole script. Cut the parentheticals, its not hard. but 270 parentheticals = at least 270 lines on the page. thats SEVEN PAGES of parentheticals. So either youre forcing people to read a script thsts 7 pages too long or your script is short and youre padding it with parentheses.

Maurice Vaughan I use ellipses instead of beats too. I feel that the use of beats interrupts the magic spell a writer tries to create with the reader. And parentheticals should always be kept to a minimum, IMO.

I use ellipses too but sparingly because I tend to let the actor figure out how to say their lines. I am sure like most things they will someday be frowned upon as well. I remember when screenplays were 120 pages. I am lucky today to reach 85. lol.

I use dashes instead of ellipses to show hesitation because I use them in journalism and fiction. I'm glad to see that Curt listened to good advice - not my advice, but professional protocol. If you pulled out 5 pages of (parentheticals) you did yourself a service.

Thank you James! It is important to listen and learn. Appreciate your expertise.

If he deleted the parentheticals with action and put them in the action line before the character talked he wouldn’t lose that many pages. Plus, if he shows the action in the action line before his characters speak, the reader might anticipate who will be talking next. That would help make the screenplay read faster and flow better. That is just my own opinion on this subject. However, I am just a self-taught hack, but I started doing it when I was a staff writer back when screenplays were 120 pages. That was probably shortly after they chiseled words on stones instead of paper or laptops.

Curt, a writers' group would be great!

Until recently, one such group met on second Sundays here in Omaha to read each other's scripts...until the group's physical space (a public library) was taken away from the local screenwriters/TV writers.

Mark Kelly was a part of that group...and he's working to bring local table reads back. (And I want to be in on that, too.)

If things work out, I might join Kristen Kuhns' recently-announced writers' group.

Now...when I joined Stage 32 in January 2019, I'd been sending scripts of mine to a codirector (Michael Zimmer) of the documentary I was in that he helped helm, "The Entertainers." At that time, Mike was also teaching screenwriting.

But the...the pandemic hit...stuff happened in his life...and he got out of teaching...

Dan Guardino, I wish Jim Brown hadn't died. He would've loved this conversation!

Hey Dan. I went through and removed all of the (beats) and essentially changed them to "...", just like Maurice had suggested at the beginning. All emotional references I removed or incorporated into the action line before...or I just left off. I believe my dialogue is very strong so I shouldn't even have to use much of this type of direction. I only kept directed action (to Jen), as recommended by Dustin. Didn't take me long to burn through the entire script and make these changes. It also removed 5 pages, which I am very happy about. So, all is good. Really appreciate everybody's input. I think this thread should once and for all put to bed any controversy about this topic. Great learning experience for me...

Hey Jim...I think those would be great options for getting eyes on your work. I think it would just require somebody taking the lead and trying to form such a community. Would be fantastic, I think. And if you are really lucky, you may be able to get some professional screenwriters, like James or Dustin, to donate some time and that would be the bomb. Just my thoughts. Good luck!

That's great, @Curt Samlaska. I like to use "..." lightly. Best to you with JBR and your future scripts!

The editorial writer with whom I am working suggested I visit this site. Since I turned 60 I have written 15 books and a collection of short stories. I have won some minor awards and received some good reviews. I am now 74 and semi-retired. Like everyone else, I am trying to secure a traditional publishing contract and a book to film adaptation I thought about writing a screenplay but I learned that directors and producers have their favorite screenwriters they like to use. So, I have stayed with my novels. I have spent a fortune trying to achieve my objectives but I have not quite made it yet. Still, I have interest from Disney, Amazon, Netflix, Universal, and Harper Collins and two different producers. I also have been working with Barnes and Noble. This passion we have is not for the faint of heart. I enjoy reading the experiences of others. At times, I feel a little isolated. M

aybe one day, I will try my hand at screen writing.