These are some loglines I have been working on which is the best? Or feel free to spin your own for me.
1. Two love stories between American twin sisters and two Chinese police officers intertwine with an international human trafficker.
2. An exploration of how the lives of the victims, villains and heroes impact one another across the globe as one kidnapping entwines the fates of two American sisters, two Chinese police officer and an international criminal as they find love, family and justice breaks all barriers.
3. Three interwoven stories about what happens after a kidnapping: an American teacher finds love with a Chinese single-father and must decide if a chance at love is worth giving up going back to the USA; after being rescued from an human trafficking ring an American nurse must try to resume her normal life, but can’t when the crime boss takes a personal interest in her; a Chinese undercover agent must travel to the USA to pit himself against the crime boss and win the girl.
4. Tragedy when an American Nurse visiting her sister in China is kidnapped, touching off an interlocking love stories involving the sisters, two Chinese police officers and an international crime prince.
5. The lives of Two American sisters, Two Chinese police officers and an international crime prince intertwine in a story about how love and crime have no boundaries.
6. Five lives become entwined by a kidnapping: An American teacher finds love with a single dad in China after her sister is rescued by a Chinese undercover agent; the couples' pursuit of love and justice defies borders as they confront the crime boss responsible.
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Hi Jill Godley - there is merit and nuance to each of these. The simplicity of numbers 1 & 5 catch my eye, personally, but the depth of 2 & 3 bring a lot to the surface.
I recommend checking out Chris Lockhart's upcoming Stage 32 webinar on loglines, which includes a Q&A with Chris. He's the story editor at WME and a true genius when it comes to loglines. Here's a link - I think you'll get a lot out of what Chris has to share: https://www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-...
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Sam Sokolow thanks I will!
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Jill Godley I second what Sam Sokolow said about Chris Lockhart's webinar. He knows his stuff.
I agree your logline needs to be shorter. And I know your logline is for a TV series, but I think you should come at it from a feature film angle: "After/when ___________ (the inciting incident), a ______________" instead of "Two love stories between," "An exploration of how," etc.
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Maurice Vaughan so the problem with the typical formula is that I have two parallel stories going on in the series. So I looked up features with parallel stories and used those to come up with the ones above. I’ll definitely check out the seminar. That might spark a new angle to come at it.
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The discovery of an international human trafficking syndicate causes lives to intertwine by love, loss, and justice.
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Thank you Vikki for that angle.
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Even though it's a bit long, I think the second one is the more compelling of the bunch. Perhaps shortening it wouldn't hurt. lol
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I confess, I think Vikki Harris's is the best longline I've read for this—of yours, I'd pick No. 5.
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Marcel Jr. Timothy Liebe thank you for your opinions the more feedback I get more I learn.
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You're welcome!
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Don't mention it!