Screenwriting : Writing action scenes in a spec script. by Joseph Rhea

Joseph Rhea

Writing action scenes in a spec script.

Anyone with advice or experience writing action scenes in a spec script? I've read several dozen shooting script with detailed action scenes but never a spec script, and the audience is obviously quite different. My "action" involves small submarines and robotic vehicles and torpedoes in a confined area, so I can't say "insert car chase here" (joke). So how do you do it?

Francisco Castro

One thing to consider is that many readers --- like me --- don't know much about small subs, robotic vehicles or torpedoes. So if you know any cool details put it in the action scene. Show that you as the writer have done your homework. I was trained at Gunsite Academy so when I first started out screenwriting, I'd always put the hero/heroine would always "press check" their weapons. At a few meetings, producers complimented on my knowledge. So, show off with your action sequences.

Joseph Rhea

Great advice, Francisco. I'm an oceanographer (among other things) so details will be easy. Just don't want to overdo it.

Dan MaxXx

I've been playing with AI software, and I typed "help me write an action fight scene similar to Lethal weapon" and this is what AI produced. Maybe with your skills, you can punch up rewriting.

Dan MaxXx

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Joseph Rhea

Dan, I appreciate your input, and I don't want this thread to devolve into an AI discussion, but I honestly believe that we as creative people should completely avoid AI software, especially large language models like chatGPT. They really do a great job mimicking what we can create but we should do the work ourselves and for later copyright reasons, you absolutely have to do it all yourself. Every last bit.

So that's my soapbox speech and I'll step down now. But I know the allure, and we must resist.

Donte Burks

I totally agree. Not to mention, you can't legally copyright AI work. check that fact on the US Copyright Office website.

Joseph Rhea

So to quickly steer this thread back to the topic, my question is not how do I write actions scenes like some of the great writers, but how do I write an action sequence for a SPEC screenplay that it will be read by "normal" people, not directors and producers.

Grant Wiggins

I’d just do what you feel is best. I was told repeatedly not to do what Tarantino does. Listened to a lecture of his, did it, and that script lead to my first contract offer being part of the sample work. It’s the newer one in my profile. Lot of action and it’s a spec. Not saying do it like me but that not being action detailed thing so many push might have pun intended torpedoed my submarine. Follow your heart.

Joseph Rhea

Thanks, Grant. Good advice.

Grant Wiggins

No prob and thank you too.

Katherine VanderLinden

Hey! I've been told to "write what you see" and "not for budget". So definitely just write the scene, what you see in your head-- and don't worry about camera or anything. That always seemed like a good place to start. But ya, what Grant Wiggins said, whatever feels best to you and won't confuse the reader.

good luck!

Joseph Rhea

Good advice, Katherine. Thanks

Mario Leone

You’ve definitely found the right person…

I’m not only Screenwriter I’m also a fight choreographer.

So if you wanna talk about it. We can….

Mario Leone

Joseph Rhea

read below

Mario Leone

here are some examples…

The saloon is buzzing with activity as COWBOYS drink and gamble. Suddenly, a dispute erupts between TWO COWBOYS, JACK and BILL.

you can write one sentence at a time with ACTION then REACTION. it and edit into paragraphs or four lines in a script.

Jack throws a wild haymaker at Bill.

Bill ducks and counters with a swift punch to Jack’s gut.

Jack stumbles backward, crashing into a table and sending glasses flying.

Action Sequence 2:

A BARTENDER grabs a whiskey bottle, ready to intervene.

Jack recovers and smashes a CHAIR over Bill’s back, splintering it.

Bill grits his teeth, pulls a BROKEN CHAIR LEG from his back, and swings it at Jack.

Action Sequence 3:

The SALOON OWNER shouts for the fight to stop.

The BARTENDER tries to break it up, but gets knocked aside by a wild swing.

A PIANIST keeps playing nervously, glancing at the brawl.

Kevin Felix

rule of thumb, be super clear on the actions you want to take. even if it's a multi-page action sequence, write with confidence, and clarity and know where it's going.

Mario Leone

Joseph Rhea

Action then reaction and then form it into lines of your script. I do it in a separate document, and then I grafted into the script..

A group of underwater ROBOTIC VEHICLES is exploring a mysterious submerged laboratory. All of a sudden, a TORPEDO is detected approaching.

Action:The command center alarms BLARE as the operators scramble to divert the torpedoes’ path.

Reaction: One robotic vehicle fires a COUNTER-TORPEDO to intercept the incoming threat.

Jack Parr

Hey guys,

Why would you write a spec script different to a shooting script?

In my head if I’m pitching a spec script I want the producers to imagine it’s a movie. So, I never write a script as though it’s spec, I write it as though we are going to shoot it.

Can someone explain this to me?

Kiril Maksimoski

Lotta spec scripts available online too, just check them out what's matching your story/scenes...

My latest "Trinity" gotta guys rolling down the slope ditching sniper same time...lotta action, but I didn't sweat trying to match anyone's style...all was done in my head early as writing the treatment... only way you can screw it up is being boring...

El Hadj M. Loudhni

Hi . To convey the action effectively, you can follow these guidelines:

1. Describe the Setting: Begin by vividly describing the confined underwater environment where the action takes place. Mention the claustrophobic nature, dim lighting, and any relevant details that create tension.

2. Character Actions: Clearly depict what each character is doing. For instance, if a character is piloting a submarine or controlling a robotic vehicle, describe their actions, decisions, and reactions to the situation.

3. Technical Details: Provide enough technical information to make the action scenes feel authentic, but avoid overwhelming the reader with jargon. Use layman's terms or briefly explain technical concepts if necessary.

4. Visual and Auditory Elements: Emphasize how the characters perceive their surroundings. Mention the sounds of engines, the hum of electronics, and the visual cues they rely on. This adds depth to the scene.

5. Show the Stakes: Highlight the stakes and goals of the characters in the action scene. Is it a life-and-death situation? Are they trying to retrieve a valuable object or escape a dangerous foe? Make the reader understand what's at risk.

6. Use Short Sentences: Action scenes benefit from shorter, punchy sentences that convey urgency and pace. This keeps the reader engaged and reflects the rapid nature of the action.

7. Break It Down: If multiple actions are happening simultaneously, break them down into beats or moments. Describe each character's actions separately, making it easier to follow the sequence of events.

8. Dialogue and Communication: If characters communicate with each other or a control center during the action, incorporate dialogue to maintain tension and provide context. Keep it concise and relevant to the action.

9. Camera Direction: Suggest camera angles or shots that could enhance the visuals, such as close-ups of characters' faces or point-of-view shots from the submarines or vehicles.

10. Revise and Polish: Action scenes may require extra revisions to ensure they flow smoothly and maintain the right level of excitement. Seek feedback from others to fine-tune these sequences.

Remember to immerse the reader in the high-stakes, high-tech world of your script without bogging them down with excessive technical details. Balancing technical accuracy with storytelling is key when dealing with complex action scenes like the one you described.

El Hadj M. Loudhni

Here's an example of an action scene involving small submarines, robotic vehicles, and torpedoes in a confined underwater area:

INT. UNDERWATER RESEARCH FACILITY - SUBMARINE BAY - NIGHT

The massive steel doors of the submarine bay begin to close, sealing off the small submarines and robotic vehicles within. The confined space is filled with the hum of machinery and the echoing sound of water all around.

CAPTAIN LISA, a skilled submarine pilot, sits at the controls of Submersible-1, her fingers dancing over a complex array of switches and buttons. DR. CARTER, a brilliant scientist, monitors the robotic vehicles from a control station.

DR. CARTER

(over the intercom)

Remember, Lisa, we have to recover that lost data module. It contains the key to our research.

Lisa nods determinedly as she guides Submersible-1 into the murky water. Suddenly, the sonar screen blinks, indicating an incoming threat.

SONAR OPERATOR

(panicking)

Torpedo incoming! Brace for impact!

The confined bay becomes a frenzy of activity as the robotic vehicles scramble to intercept the torpedo. Small robotic arms extend, trying to disarm it. Submersible-2 and Submersible-3 maneuver to shield Lisa.

Explosions rattle the water, and alarms blare. The confined space magnifies the chaos. Through the reinforced glass of Submersible-1, we see the intense determination in Lisa's eyes as she navigates with precision.

Underwater mayhem ensues, with robotic arms, torpedoes, and small submarines engaging in a high-stakes dance. The situation is dire as they race against time to prevent the data module from falling into the wrong hands.

This action scene uses short, punchy sentences, vivid descriptions of the underwater setting, and character actions to convey the excitement and urgency of the situation. It balances technical elements with character-driven tension, making it engaging and visually appealing for the reader.

Rutger Oosterhoff

Read page 67 to page 83 of "Serial Twins";

Logline:

"Identical twin sisters who moonlight as violent vigilantes must outwit a vengeful copycat who framed them for murdering students on a college campus in Austin, Texas."

https://www.stage32.com/profile/571720/Screenplay/The-Gavel-3

Maurice Vaughan

You could read spec scripts on Stage 32 to see how those writers write action scenes, @Joseph Rhea. www.stage32.com/loglines

Joseph Rhea

Wow. I disappear for 24 hours and you all created a full TEDtalk on writing action scenes! Thank you all. Going to cut and paste all of these comments into a document so that I can absorb over coffee tonight.

Maurice Vaughan

Haha @Joseph Rhea. You're welcome.

Joseph Rhea

I will add that this action sequence is the last section I need to write to complete my screenplay, so I'm both excited and a little nervous to get started on it. Thanks again for all the input.

Robert Russo

Mini slugs are your friends. and make up some rules if you need to. As long as the readers mind can easily track what’s happening. Don’t over explain anything. You’re writing for clarity and energy of the scene. Can’t lose either.

Antonio M.

I would suggest finding and reading Tim Burton’s Batman, would also recommend reading The Fugitive, and the Last Action Hero. They have great ways of showing off action.

I have a friend who is an artist, when I wanted to draw he gave me one of the greatest advice I’ve heard. He said, choose your art parents and incorporate their style into yours to find your art voice. This an advice I’ve also applied to writing. I found movie scripts I liked and combined the format and writing styles of the writers to find my writer’s voice.

Anyhow, I like the works of David S. Goyer, Quentin Tarantino, John Hughes, Francis Ford Coppola, Oliver Stone, Rod Serling, Sergio Leone, Aaron Sorkin, and many others.

Rutger Oosterhoff

Jack Parr, as far as I kow a shooting script (1) has scene numbers, and (2) the focus is on to show what the audience really sees when the script is shot and made into a film; shot by shot. Al redundant writing is cut out of the script. Would be cool to read the spec and the shooting script of one movie, lay them side by side. Personally I never read shooting scripts, they feel like all "emotion is drained out of it." Highly irritating to read!! But necessary to shoot the film!!!

Mario Leone

Rutger Oosterhoff Jack Parr

it is highly recommended that you read both.

Because you need to understand, and know what rules to avoid, and what rules to follow.

My first lesson in reading the script was the expendables with Sylvester Stallone!

The front page had a picture of a crow skull, and a knife.

If you wanna talk about mistake number one. Do you want to make a mistake on your script? Just follow. Image on the first page. I feel this is The Screenwriter’s death wish.

Just because Stallone did it. Doesn’t mean you can do it. He only got away with that because he was Stallone. It doesn’t mean you can get away with it.

A shooting script differs from a standard script in its level of detail and purpose.

While a screenplay focuses on the story and dialogue, a shooting script is a technical document used during production.

you are writing a spec script. It is called spec because it is being sold on speculation.

It includes specific directions for camera angles, character movements, and other visual and technical elements that guide the film crew in bringing the written story to life on screen.

Essentially, a shooting script is the practical execution plan for a film or TV show, whereas a standard screenplay is primarily a narrative blueprint.

it’s a blue print!!!!

Many writers frequently break script rules in their spec scripts by including excessive scene description and overusing camera directions meant for shooting scripts, relying on lengthy, unnatural dialogue, neglecting proper screenplay formatting, leaning on clichés and stereotypes, failing to establish and escalate conflict, missing a compelling hook, skimping on character development, leaving unresolved storylines, and exhibiting inconsistent tones, all of which can diminish the script's impact and chances of success in the industry.

Over the years, I’ve been asked to read tons of Script because I used to do coaching which I no longer do.

And I’ve seen a lot of these…

Rutger Oosterhoff

Sorry, was too lazy to explain in such detail, but yes, a hundred percent agree!

Mike Boas

Some advice given here I agree with, some I don’t. In general, don’t try to limit what goes into a spec script instead of a shooting script. just write a good screenplay.

It’s funny, if you look at what Dan posted from AI, that shows some bad screenwriting. Vague descriptions filled with flowery language. Instead, be direct with specific actions and reactions.

A good technique is “good news, bad news.” Build a sequence with clear goals for your character, build in obstacles and minor victories. Take a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Indy is in the temple with his bag of sand, looking at the idol. Good news, he knows to pour some sand out. He makes the swap. Good news, it works! He turns away. Bad news, the idol sinks and starts the booby traps. Good news, he can run faster than the darts! His partner swings across the pit. Bad news, the branch breaks. More bad news, he runs off with the idol. Good news, Indy can jump across. Bad news, he starts to fall. Good news, he pulls himself up. Bad news, the door is about to close, but good news, he rolls under. Bad news, his partner is dead, but good news, Indy gets the idol back… Etc.

You can keep going all the way to the airplane. Try the same thing with any action scene in the movie.

Kevin Felix

know what you want from it and be as clear as possible and concise, piece by piece. clarity and brevity are essential.

Sam Sokolow

I recommend this upcoming Stage 32 webinar nohow to write a global hit action movie - there will also be a Q&A with Sabelo to ask him your specific questions: https://www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Create-Your-Global-Hit-Action-Movie

Joseph Rhea

Thanks for all the additional comments. I've now completed my screenplay but edits will involve improving my action scenes, so every suggestion will be studied.

Maurice Vaughan

Congratulations on finishing your script, @Joseph Rhea!

Donte Burks

Me still making word trains. Me make big trains, now. Sometimes word trains die but that's how it goes sometimes. LOL

Pat Alexander

Be direct and clear. Don't overdo it with the details. Make it really entertaining. And make sure you cut the action with dialogue. Even a short "All clear!" or "It's on!" can help buoy the flow so you don't get bogged down in action lines.

CJ Walley

Bit late to the party but writing action is something I'm confident enough to say I'm strong in.

The best tip I can give is listen to music while you picture your action scenes, then translate those timings into the page count. It's really easy to go overboard with action and have two minutes of screentime represented by ten pages of words. Get the timings right and everything will flow in place after.

Joseph Rhea

Aided by everyone's feedback (thank you all!) I am pretty happy with my three main action scenes, especially the climactic one. I will need some unbiased feedback but the final one makes makes my hold my breath while reading it, even though I wrote it.

Dan MaxXx

Here's how Lucas did it on the page for the Death Star attack and he wrote Star Wars 50-years ago. Lots of intercutting from exterior spaceship battle, interior death star, interior of Luke's cockpit, interior of Princess Leia at rebel base, interior M Falcon.

Joseph Rhea

Dan, as I read that page of Lucas' script, I see a lot of structural similarities to my action scenes, and now think maybe I leaned more towards a "shooting" script vibe than a spec script. No one who has read it has complained yet, so maybe I'll leave it as is.

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