Screenwriting : Don't Be Afraid Of Descriptive Writing by Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Ty Strange. I agree. Action lines in scripts need to be succinct and less "novelistic," but I don't think being descriptive in scripts has to mean long. I think being descriptive in scripts can simply mean giving enough details to draw the reader into the story world (like you said) and set the mood/atmosphere. I used to be so concerned with white space in my scripts, I held back on showing important details in action lines, and my scripts suffered.

I agree, Dan MaxXx. It depends on status. If a person is an A-list writer-director -- or any writer who's directing their own film -- the action lines can be as long or short as they want.

Maurice, thank you for sharing:)) After reading this blog, I discovered in my Pilot that I have more dialogue than description, so in conclusion, I need to balance more:)) Merry Christmas, sweet friend:)

As someone who writes non-fiction books, I have the opposite problem. Descriptive writing comes natural but condensing and writing for the camera is HARD. Of course, everything gets shaved with edits, but for me, screenwriting is still hard Maurice Vaughan .

You're welcome, Sandra Isabel Correia. Glad the blog helped! Merry Christmas!

Screenwriting is hard, Debbie Elicksen. Even after years and years of writing. I think it's because each script has its own challenges.

@Maurice I too used to worry about having enough white space on page as many screenwriting courses I attended preached against over embellishment yet as you say description can be condensed into succinct nuggets. Just a couple of words may suffice without attacking readers attention span with peachy one liners.

You're right, Debbie Croysdale. Sometimes I'll write an action line, then I'll change it to a few words. The action line sounds better and there's more white space.

When it comes to setting the mood/atmosphere, sometimes I'll let my action lines run a little longer than usual because mood/atmosphere are so important for drawing the reader into the story world and setting up certain things (like jump scares and twists).

It’s all about rhythm. Write what the audience needs to know, but don’t write what’s invisible or internal. Make it punchy if it’s action packed. Stacatto sentence fragments.

There are movies with little or no dialogue. take a look at their scripts to see how the action lines are written.

Description writing is imperative. But it should take as long to read as it appears on screen.

As Mike Boas writes, it's all about rhythm. I've read screenplays formatted to have as few words as possible that are slower and less pleasurable to take in than scripts with double the word count.

Great point, Mike Boas. Rhythm is so important. Action lines with bad rhythm can bore readers. I suggest writers do a rewrite on their scripts (maybe call it a Rhythm Rewrite) where they focus on the rhythm in their action lines. Mix up the sentence lengths and avoid repeating the same words.

"She races to the front door. She snatches open the door. She runs through the door." This action line has bad rhythm. The action line has sentences that are similar in length, the sentences all start with "she," and "door" is used three times.

"She races to the foyer. Her trembling hand snatches open the front door. She flees from the house, checking over her shoulder for the intruder." This action line has good rhythm. The action line has sentences that are different lengths, each sentence doesn't start with "she," and "door" is only used once.

Thanks for the feedback, Dan MaxXx. It's just something quick I wrote for an example.

Dan, you might have ways you see to improve it, but calling it crappy is not very constructive.

Maurice’s example is more interesting to read. I’d just be careful of writing more words than are necessary for a simple action like fleeing a house.

Great note, Mike Boas. If I was writing that action line in a script, I'd only include "checking over her shoulder for the intruder" if it was important to the story.

It's a fine (and difficult) balance between describing what's going on but leaving enough open for your reader's imagination to fill in.

You're right, Erik Meyers. That's one reason to get feedback so a writer knows if they're describing too much or too little.

Great advice, Dan Guardino. I respectfully disagree with "Do not write thoughts or anything intangible" though. Sometimes thoughts and intangibles are useful for drawing a reader into the story, revealing things about characters, or setting the tone/atmosphere of a scene. I suggest writers only write thoughts and intangibles sparingly.

Some great analysis of action writing styles in this episode of scriptnotes.

https://johnaugust.com/2020/writing-action

The audio is behind their paywall now, but you can read their transcript for free.

The samples of writing they discuss are here :

https://johnaugust.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Scriptnotes-463-action-samples-corrected.pdf

I think I’m closest to James Cameron’s style, or at least that’s what I aspire to.

Katherine Bigelow and Eric Red have a bizarre style in the sample from Near Dark. Worth checking out.

Thanks, Mike Boas! I've listened to John August's podcast. I'm gonna check this one out.

Thanks! I think public education laid the foundation for my success. However, the educational system is not ideal. However, it has shaped who we are. Remember those late-night cram sessions? This is where services like https://literaturereviewwritingservice.com/ come in handy and will save our grades and sanity! So, we give thanks to the teachers who inspired us and the resources that helped us. Without them, we would be lost in a sea of dangling participles and quadratic equations. Long live the education system, no matter how imperfect it may be!

I feel partially vindicated after reading this.

You're welcome, Foster West Foster West. I suggest adding a profile picture and a detailed bio when you get a chance. People will feel more comfortable networking and collaborating with you if they know what you look like. And if you have a picture, your profile will show up when someone searches for you. A detailed bio will help you build relationships/network on here. You could add things to your bio like why you became a writer, your accomplishments, your goals, and what movies and shows you like.

How so, Stefano Pavone?

Because I have a tendency to write loquaciously, coming from a novel background, and I am somewhat reluctant to reduce or condense my writing too much when it comes to writing screenplays, fearing that simple, stale language will deprive the story of any kind of atmosphere or personality.

Glad the blog helped, Stefano Pavone. You ("you" as in any screenwriter) don't wanna put too much description, but you also don't wanna put too little description. You gotta find a balance.