Hi friends! I’m currently in the process of trying to improve my screenplay, and decided to try a written pitch session. I sent it in, and heard back from the executive. The feedback was decent but not great, the biggest issue being that it felt too similar to other films out there. I don’t want to abandon the screenplay, but it almost feels like I should. What would you suggest?
For reference, it’s an enemies to lovers political romance. Logline: A rebellious underdog and wealthy politician slowly fall for each other as they each campaign for the mayor’s seat.
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What would stop them from falling in love? Nothing.
So two people meet. They are involved in a non-life of death conflict and they fall in love. That is why it feels like every other romance film.
What would prevent them? The struggle to overcome this is the story.
Romeo and Juliet, opposing families in a deadly feud. The characters are young and have no power. That makes for a great romance.
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A huge problem is writing itself. You end up going down a way you never liked the first place. You should investigate your writing where do you fail? The rewriters won’t find the problem unless they have the time and are good, but it’s your story find your flaws.
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I kind of agree with Craig here Dana, maybe the fact they both aim the same mayor seat is not a big enough obstacle and you need to add something to the plot (well you know me I'd go for something really twisted). You'll figure it out you're an excellent writer.
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Executives are SO adorable. On the one hand, most expect Comps on how your script compares to previous box office successes, then they complain because your script sounds just like many similar films that have come and gone. Did I happen to mention that execs are SO adorable?
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I think what's missing from your logline is a hook, an inciting incident that will make us care about your characters and understand why they are falling in love. There's not much to do in this case. You already have everything at your disposal. You just need something to make the story work.
But yeah, if the feedback wasn't good enough in your eyes, move on and try another coverage service. Coverfly works better if you want other POV's.
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Hi Dana Hawthorne! I LOVE this concept and would definitely watch this movie (and I know I would watch it because, like this person told you, there have been other similar movies that I've watched and loved! - so it's not a bad thing at all!). I agree with the overall advice you're getting that you need added details/twist/hook to set it apart. Like Bill said, they want comps that feel familiar and successful, but overall it should stand on its own. It's a VERY tough balance, but writers like us love that challenge, right? (Maybe it's just me lol) We have a TON of resources on Stage 32 that can help with this - logline polish, pitch samples, webinars/webcasts on loglines. If you shoot me an email at success@stage32.com I can send you some samples and resources that can help you out and we'll help you find a logline that nails what makes this script great :)
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Could you just take some time away from it then go back with a fresh approach? It sounds like a passion prject for you, that's great, so don't give up on it.
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I wouldn't worry too much about being similar to what's out there. The industry is pretty risk adverse and likes to just serve up what people are already addicted to. I think a lot of people are stuck it the concept is king days.
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Sounds like an awesome concept tbh. I recently watched The Hater (2022) which is a similar concept. Movies like these are always fun!
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Agree with @Craig @Stephanie Heighten stakes, maybe even to life or death but whatever they are each hurdle is worse than last. Can still be sweet moments of respite which make following blow even harder to bear. A genre twist may work too. Another century, a fictional planet, (reverting) semi human/completely non human.
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Thank you all for your suggestions and words of encouragement! I do have some of the elements you’ve mentioned in my screenplay, so I’m thinking of pushing those further plus improving my pitch (to clarify, I thought my script was good enough to pitch, and now am looking to improve it after the feedback). For right now I’m waiting on some notes for feedback on improvements, and also working on turning a different script into a novel (I think it works better that way). Thank you again, everyone!