Hello, People of the whole.... "Hollywood" Thing....
ME: Still trying to JAM-PACK everything into my logline and shove it into the overhead bin before the stewardess lady yells at me. Of the three loglines listed below, which is your favorite? Here now, are the Semi-Okay nominees of the 2024 Brock Academy Logline Awards. And please, hold your maniacal boos of disapproval and utter contempt until after ALL the nominees have been mentioned.
HORROR-FEST LOGLINES: 1. After brutally murdering his adulterous wife and her two lovers, an unhinged, iconic horror film actor continues his killing spree for those who wronged him at a scheduled horror convention with the ultimate goal of getting away with murder... just like in the movies.
2. Life imitates art when an iconic horror film star suffers a psychotic breakdown, resulting in a high body count at a horror convention. Will his Final Girl co-star eventually recognize his savage behavior and stop the carnage?
3. Reality takes a demonic turn when a horror film star, famous for cinematic serial killing, suffers severe psychosis and turns to his "depressed clown" mask for advice on how to rid the growing number of bodies at a horror convention. Will his Final Girl co-star ask too many questions and follow the same fate?
1 person likes this
2 people like this
Logline 1, Bill Brock. It's the most interesting and it has the best flow.
I suggest avoiding questions in loglines. It's weird to read questions in a logline/questions in a logline mess up the logline's flow.
I think logline 1 is too long though. It's 44 words. Here’s a logline suggestion: “After murdering his adulterous wife and her lovers, an unhinged horror icon continues his killing spree for those who wronged him at a horror convention with the ultimate goal of getting away with murder... just like in the movies.”
My logline suggestion is long too (39 words), but I didn't want to get rid of the great ending ("just like in the movies").
2 people like this
Hi Bill. Nixing the unnecessary, I like 2: an iconic horror film star suffers a psychotic breakdown, resulting in a high body count at a horror convention.
2 people like this
Maurice Vaughan ALWAYS grateful for your encouraging insight and guidance, Maurice. Thanks for your outstanding example. IT ROCKS!! It's so weird how my scripts can win awards in fests, and place as Finalists in countless others, yet when comes to my loglines, they usually suck. I understand the formula, but I always seem to come up short in Logline Land. It's something I really need to work on. I should hire you as my Personal Logline Guru. How AWESOME would THAT be at your next social gathering?
SOME LADY: So? What do YOU do?
MAURICE: I'm a Personal Logline Guru.
1 person likes this
Matthew Kelcourse and Larry Woldenberg. Thanks, guys, for your input. Less is definitely more! Still trying to work the bugs out. KILLER SCRIPT. Sucky logline.
2 people like this
You're welcome, Bill Brock. $1MM per logline! Haha
2 people like this
Thinking about it again, I think this logline is better, Bill Brock: “After a psychotic breakdown, a horror icon goes on a killing spree at a convention for those who wronged him with the ultimate goal of getting away with murder... just like in the movies.”
The logline is 34 words now. I changed the start of the logline because the icon having a psychotic breakdown is the inciting incident.
2 people like this
Or this logline, Bill Brock: "“After a psychotic breakdown, a horror icon goes on a killing spree at a convention to get revenge on those who wronged him with the ultimate goal of getting away with murder." 32 words
2 people like this
Maurice Vaughan I like it, but others inquire about what defines the breakdown, plus we lose "Just like in the movies!" Plus, perhaps "seek" revenge on known enemies...
The body count is 7...... actually 8, if we count HIM!
4 people like this
I think defining the breakdown in the logline is too much, Bill Brock. I suggest saving that for the synopsis and pitch.
How about: "After a psychotic breakdown, a horror icon goes on a killing spree at a convention to seek revenge with the ultimate goal of getting away with murder... just like in the movies." 32 words
4 people like this
HI Bill. My $0.02 is you don't need "just like in the movies" or any other comparisons (except in a pitch listing comps), nor define "breakdown" or anything else that is self-explanatory. You have 1 to 2 sentences to grab attention and stun the reader into "I gotta know more" and defining what specific type of psychotic episode or analogies or "just-likes" only helps take the reader out of the WOW mood you want to keep them in. This coming from a guy who has his own troubles with loglines; but for me it's easier when you're standing outside of the box ;-)
3 people like this
I believe each of these have too much information. Something simpler would suffice. For example, "When an unhinged horror star seeks revenge against his imagined wrong doers, he sets off on a killing spree that rivals his most iconic film."
4 people like this
I liked Laurie and Maurice's proposals.
2 people like this
Maurice Vaughan Thanks for the latest version, Maurice. Totally digging the 32-word count. : )
2 people like this
Matthew Kelcourse Excellent point, Matt, about dropping the "movies" line. It definitely detracts from the actual horrific mood of the script. That damn Brock humor tends to get in my way from time to time! : ) Thanks for your help, pal. Really appreciate you taking the time.
3 people like this
Laurie Woodward BRAVO, LAURIE! Yes, keeping it simple is the best approach. Excellent logline! Since you came up with it, would you like to buy my script? Jk!! WHOAH! Only 25 words!! Well-played, indeed! Thanks so much for your stellar input. : )
2 people like this
I think you just needed to tweak it a little. Maybe: "After brutally murdering his adulterous wife and her two lovers, an iconic horror film actor continues his killing spree at a horror convention."
2 people like this
Basil Argento Agreed, Basil. It's certainly getting there. Slow and steady wins the race!
1 person likes this
Without looking at the previous votes, I like the first sentence of number 2. I think it's complete by itself.
Thanks for the laugh, btw. I totally empathize!
Okay, now I'm going to go read what everyone else says because I suck at loglines... Although I did see a good tip on a youtube video today: Find the emotional spine of the story; that's the logline. Made sense to me...but what do I know. Haha!
That was a tip from Andy Guerdat, btw.
You're welcome, Bill Brock.
1 person likes this
Glad to help, Bill. :)
1 person likes this
For what it's worth, I love logline 1. It really got my attention.
What if you say 'After the death of his wife...' Then, when someone reads the treatment or script, they will be shocked to find out that the guy actually murdered his wife...?