Erna Mueller's Lounge Discussions

Hello all, I finished the last rewrite of my first completed screenplay a few weeks ago. After copyrighting and registering it with the Writer's Guild, I listed it on the Black List and paid for their evaluation. It took a little over 2 weeks. If you're a newbie, I'd recommend buying the evaluation first, before hosting your script on the site. Basically, NOBODY is going to download your script, unless it gets an 8 rating or higher. My $25 month of hosting was halfway used up before a reader bothered to download my script. I must say, I think that's kind of lame. Lesson learned... Before I go to the specifics of my evaluation, I would like to preface it by saying I SINCERELY don't mind criticism. I realize TBL's evaluation is studio-style coverage versus detailed notes, BUT...I was hoping to get some concrete information, so that I can make my script as perfect as I can. Having said that, my scores were low: Premise 6/10 Dialogue 5/10 Plot 5/10 Setting 5/10 Character 6/10 Script rating 5/10 Here's where I'm having some difficulty understanding their rating system. For the most part, I can't tell if the reader liked my script, or didn't read it, and used generic responses. Here's the first part of the eval: "The script moves along at a sufficiently well-done and entertaining pace, never feeling as though it is dragging while never feeling rushed or incomplete either. It's engaging from the very beginning and does a nice job of retelling a (classic) story in a modern way as it's intending to do. The plot is relatively simple and easy to follow, but also intricate enough that is calls back to the (original story) in a very poetic way. The reader goes on to say "the main protagonist is very likeable. His relationship with his fiance adds a necessary and fun love story, but is written in such as way that it doesn't at all take away from the central plot line about the XXXXXXX. Also, the ending has some morally redeeming qualities that gives the reader an enjoyable appreciation for the story and characters they have come to know throughout the entirety of the script." As for weaknesses, the reader noted two problems. The first was dialogue, which the reader thought sounded "too white-washed". I will admit I wholeheartedly agree with the reader, as this was a conscious choice. This is a story about an African-American character, and I certainly didn't want to offend anyone by trying to "write ethnic". Perhaps there's a balance between respectful authenticity and sounding like Quentin Tarantino? I'll certainly try to improve my script here. The only other area of weakness mentioned is the one I sort of have a problem with. The reader says "adding more depth to the stakes as it approaches the climax will help the script to feel more significant. It's clear what the stakes are-- (financial) success--however adding higher emotional stakes and a more significant backstory beyond the "superficial" financial success...will give the story depth and the reader for investment in it's outcome." Please understand I'm not trying to sound like sour grapes, but it sort of seems like they didn't read the whole script. Right before the climax, my protagonist's best friend was murdered, and his fiancé is being held for ransom. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how the emotional stakes could be much higher for my poor protagonist. The evaluation closes with : "This script feels commercially viable because of it's (classic) nature and well-developed entertaining plot. The entertainment that is inherent in the storyline makes this a story that would be widely appealing to a number of audiences, however it's questionable whether or not it would attract high-level talent or financers without a plot that employs a little bit more depth." Please understand that I am under no illusion that my script is Oscar-worthy. That's why I wanted an evaluation. I want to make my script perfect. I also want to make sure it's clear that I'm not trying to slam the Black List, or their reader. What I'm trying to do is figure out is if this is sort of rating par for the course? I guess what I'm saying is that from the evaluation, it seemed like the reader enjoyed my story, and only had two problems with it. So, it seems to me like the score should have been a little higher. Of course, the most probable scenario is that I deserved the low score of 5, and I'm okay with that. I just feel like the evaluation was far too vague, and it seemed like perhaps the reader skipped some of my script. I was hoping to get some more actionable feedback that I can use to help me during the next rewrite. It just seems like "higher emotional stakes to add depth" is sort of a canned answer. Have your experiences mirrored mine? Did you feel your scores seemed appropriate, based on the feedback? Am I expecting too much for $75? I'm supposing that 5/10 is only 50%...in other words, an "F" based on my college grading scale. With such a low score, I'm wondering if it even makes sense to try and salvage my story? For what it's worth, I also paid for the triple notes from Spec Scout. Hopefully, I'll get some info from them before too long. What do you all think? Rewrite and resubmit? Pull my script from TBL? Just enter screenplay contests, and forget about paid evals? Have some rum and a stogie? Thanks, Brad (fumbling for the rum and cigar...)