Penny Ray's Lounge Discussions

With respect, Krista, I would ditch everything you wrote in those 4 sentences. Please do not take anyone's criticism personally. This is the process of learning to be a great storyteller. Description within a screenplay should be hidden within action. So if there is some description that is absolutely essential to the story, hide it within a sentence showing the character take action.

Example: Blood drips from her tattooed arm as Liz climbs out of the manhole.

Additionally, leave the bulk of character description out of the script entirely. What happens if you can't find an actress with toned arms, or if the film is shot on a budget and you can't afford to pay someone to draw fake tattoos every day? In other words, stay in your lane. Leave casting, set design & photography to the other people who will work to produce the film. Just tell the story.

It would probably be helpful for you to read more scripts. The best ones just tell a story and allow the reader's imagination to fill in character and set details. Christopher Nolan is very good at this. His scripts are straight forward. No idioms. No fluff. Nothing but what's needed for the reader to understand the plot.

Happy writing!

Krista Crawford, I think your writing is sound and better than most. I know a couple of long time working directors who write (and vocalise ideas) in a very similar fashion. They'd eat this up.

What you want to do is also fine. Go with your inspiration and enjoy it.

To be frank, some of the suggestions/examples you've been given will worsen the rhythm, flow, and feeling. Vivid, passionately written prose that owns the page and has a strong voice will win you many fans and attachments, especially it's self aware and has a sense of humour to it.

It's also essential you nurture your artistic style and maintain a high level of motivation as a result. Writing in fear is a trap many fall into. Something that really helped me was seeing just how varied professional spec scripts are in style and then finding working writers who had a similar voice to mine. When you ask other screenwriters questions like this, they will often push their own agenda and/or subjective preferences. I can assure you that the producers I've worked with are very open minded and are much more likely to warm to a passionately written script they know they'll likely have to make changes to verses a clinical script that leaves a lot of stuff bare. That's my experience.

As a writer trying to break in, you really need to offer an enjoyable read. You have to put your enthusiasm out there and take the reader on a rich journey. You need to because you don't have the established kudos that will carry someone to the end should they find the prose cold and clunky. A spec script from an unknown is a different beast than a production script penned by a respected writer/director. The former has to work a lot harder to solicit a connection while the latter can just get on with business.

My only technical advice is to always try to write any action roughly inline with the imagined pacing. By that I mean, if you want to describe thirty seconds of action, use around half a page. If you have a two and a half minute car chase, don't make it seven pages long. You don't need to be obsessive about it but you want the read to imitate how the film would play out by avoiding being too indulgent or too brief.

I think it depends how you want to sell it. If you're going to produce it yourself, anything goes...you can write anything you want. I got straight A's in Advanced Screenwriting. Plus, I won Best Screenplay, 2018.

If you're writing it to pitch it to sell it to someone else's vision (letting it go), be strict about the plot--only. No camera shots, unless it's transitions or supers. Focus on plot and character development. Also, my best advice: include Aristotle's six elements of dramatic structure. Winner!

Hope this helps!

Andrea Calabrese

For quick cutting action, you can also use an "Angle on" tag as your scene line.

ANGLE ON CHAIR

Or CU if there is an important close up you don't want the camera to miss.

CU: GUN HIDDEN UNDER TABLE

Navigating the dos and don'ts of scriptwriting can be tricky, especially when it comes to camera directions. I once had a script where I envisioned specific shots but wasn't sure how to convey them without overstepping. Seeking advice, I found resources that clarified the balance. Additionally, services like https://99papers.com/ provided valuable insights into script formatting, ensuring my vision was communicated effectively without breaking industry norms.

I generally do 1-2 at a time. Work on one until I get bored, then work on the other, etc. It's actually usually a script and a comic book at the same time...

I usually only work on one first draft at a time, but am rewriting 1-2 more simultaneously. And, of course, a novel at the same time.

Plus, a query letter and 2-3 TV bibles in and around the others.

So, not much going on... :)

I usually write out descriptions of each idea so i can be better organized. Then I write out a plan with goals and subsidiary goals to stay focused for optimal production. It focuses me on one at a time, though i have 2-3 in the queue.

Chloe, I usually work on two screenplays at a time.

Glad you're on Stage 32! All the VERY BEST to you!

I have many in various stages. Most so if I am doing bad work in one I can jump to the others. It is like getting up and going to a walk in another story. Helps reset my head.

You choose the structure first, during your prep/research/premise stage.

Hi Tony,

I am not sure. I know people say Shakespeare was a 5 act structure. I just write. If someone can cut it in 5 slices or 3 slices good on them.

Count 'em?

I’m not really sure I understand your question. But this article may help with your story structure. https://scriptmag.com/features/the-four-act-structure

The steps I go through after completion of the screenplay are 1. Title, 2. Log Line, 3. Register it with WGA 4. Send it out for coverage by a reader 5. Enter it into a contest.. Depending on the coverage and contest results I will do a second or third draft.

Register your script with the U.S. Copyright Office (https://www.copyright.gov/registration/). Doing so with the U.S. Copyright Office DOES give you the legal protection mentioned in a previous post here.

You may register with the Writers Guild or not; it’s up to you. Registration with the Writers Guild DOES NOT afford you the legal protection alluded to in a previous post here. It only affords you a claim of authorship, which is not the same as the U.S. Copyright Office’s claim of legal ownership of rights to a written work. It even states this on the WGAW website (https://www.wgawregistry.org/).

You may use either registration in a court of law, but who wants to go to court? The U.S. Copyright registration carries far more weight and authority. It costs $65 per work registered, and if you end up revising your work, yes, you need to register it again with a new copyright claim. It’s worth it.

You’ll want to register your script with the U.S. Copyright Office (https://www.copyright.gov/registration/) BEFORE you do anything else with it—BEFORE you send it to a reader for coverage or notes, or BEFORE you enter it into a contest—so be sure your script’s edited and proofread as much as it will ever be before you register. Do not put your U.S. Copyright Registration Number on your script. The registration only sees the light of day when there is a legal claim to make.

I never put anything in the cupboard, except pasta. Register your copyright and Writers Guild. You should also look on FilmFreeway for contests. Check to see what genre your screenplay falls in and enter a competition that gives feedback. You will see if your script has legs then or if you need to rewrite to make it stronger. Always try to build on what you have. Once you have done that, you should be in a better place to submit to agencies.

Stupid question for Clint Hill , does it matter if I live in the USA or not as to whether it can be registered with the Copyright office?

Sorry I’m so late in responding. No, it doesn’t matter if you live outside the U.S. What matters is whether the work is marketed, sold, and distributed in the U.S.

“Who Can Register?” https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-who.html

“FOREIGN WORKS: ELIGIBILITY AND GATT REGISTRATION” https://www.copyright.gov/comp3/chap2000/ch2000-foreign-works.pdf

§ “International Copyright Protection” (internet article) https://www.sidebarsaturdays.com/2017/09/09/httpswp-mep7vddb-vf/

Alex: You might want to start by researching common Hispanic slang and checking out films you admire. Here's Wikipedia list. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicano_films.

I've written about a lot of unfamiliar things and it all comes down to research. Best of luck!

Hi Alex,

Hopefully one of the Stage32 members can help you, but you also might want to send an email to Axel Caballero at the National Association of Latino Independent Producers, who would be able to hook you up with someone who can help you. You also might want to send an email to Brenda Castillo at the National Hispanic Media Coalition, who advised the filmmaker of Coco. Isabel Echeverry at Kontakto Reps would be a great source, too.

Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Alex, and stay safe!

I would go hang out with some people.

I thought I knew middle eastern culture as I am god father to two Lebanese girls. But their family is more Australian in their ways. This became super obvious to me when I met my Son’s father in-law. My daughter in-law is half middle eastern.

We are great mates (the two dads) and the understanding of cultural and history I have gained from my friend can only be gained over time.

The only advice is get around the people. It is amazing. You’ll learn just as much about yourself as you will about them.

Hello, Alex. When it comes to writing for a character of a different ethnicity, always remember that people are people. Someone’s race does not make them different from other people; their experiences do. In other words, I feel screenwriters should write the story without thinking about a particular race, but instead think about past experiences, motivations, etc. Later, when the film is cast, the actor can choose the best accent and even change the dialogue to be a bit more slang, if needed. I believe it would be a waste of time to learn all the slang words for a particular ethnic group before completing a first draft. If you really feel you must nail ethnicity through dialogue, you could always tackle that during a rewrite. But for the first draft, just tell the story as clearly and entertainingly as possible. Happy writing!

A few design ideas - I'm a graphic designer in my "paid" life :) - The Salmon-colored font is fine, but is too hard to read against the light blue background. Put it up in the dark blue header (I'd remove those other two pics), and use a thicker font. I attached a PNG which removes the white box from the fish photo background (if it didn't work, go to https://www.remove.bg to do it yourself).

In your first sentence, I thought "Pop, English" was Popular English. Maybe use "father?" especially since you use pop in the next para.

Love the actual script area (you could probably drop the word LOGLINE - it is cleaner).

Jeff Zampino

JeffZampino.com

I don’t mind sites that have the endless scroll rather than a email. It has become very popular.

I host on script revolution and send people there if they want my scripts. I also post context about screenwriting. Google loves regular content. Mine is griffithscreative.com.au I would also create a Google alert for your URL in case someone mentions it online.

The linkedin link is also a little small. I would also put it at the bottom. I would give people an exit until they had scrolled.

I'm overwhelmed. You guys are amazing. I'm going to incorporate your suggestions ASAP.

Hey Jeff: I was actually able to remove the background - it looks a million times better and was so easy with the tool you recommended. I shortened the screenplay files down to 20 pages or so and I got rid of the extraneous pictures on the header and I darkened the text a level above salmon - close to red without being radar red

Looks great!

Hi Penny! Fellow journalist/screenwriter here (and former East Coaster). Welcome!