Screenwriting : Improving Dialogue by Holly Jurbergs

Hi Holly, I'm not exactly a crack shot at dialogue, but what I've noticed over the years if you can say more with an expression than a line, go with the expression. It's always better to let the silence dictate what is NOT said. I've edited out so much rubbish, unnecessary dialogue in my own work when I realize only a quiet beat of reflection or a question left unanswered works best. I hope that helps!

Hi, Holly, I most definitely understand your dilemma! May I suggest trying to spread exposition thin throughout the story? Also, creating conflict or a surprise is an engaging way to reveal exposition. Finally, trust your audience! They're smart... they just need a hint!

Agreed with what everyone said above, dialogue is one of the hardest things to put down on page, so sometimes it's about just listening to the world around you - films, conversations, interviews - and moved from there. Piggybacking on Gary Floyd 's "show, don't tell" suggestion think about your story world development as well. Sometimes you can get a million things across to an audience with something as simple as a photo on a nightstand.

Remove dialogue. See if you can do something visual. Also use short sentences when they talk.

So you are explaining this in dialogue. That is not so much a problem with the dialogue but that you are using in the wrong way.

Nothing is more pathetic (or tedious to watch) than an Expo Fairy (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ExpositionFairy) who exists only to deliver "needed" backstory.

Rewrite! Push on-the-nose expo into subtext, trim to tell the most with the least. Make the audience work to figure things out from incomplete/unreliable/contradictory dialogue, expression, and action.

Hi Holly,

If your screenplay is getting criticized for that, and if the criticism is valid, then you really should go through it, line by line, and ask yourself, "is this line necessary?" "Can I show this, and not tell this?" And if the dialogue is being criticized for being "on the nose" (which it doesn't sound like it is, based on what you said), then you might want to identify those lines, too, and take the appropriate actions.

Linda Seger has written some great screenplay books. She is well-respected by amateur and by professional writers. You might want to give her books a look, and she also has youtube videos as well. This is an area of writing that isn't like a "five-minute fix," and can take some writers quite a bit of time to get to that level of writing. And some never get there if they aren't aware enough, and don't ascend up those steps to improvement.

Best fortunes in your creative endeavors, Holly, and stay safe!

There is a gut feeling that you have to explain every little thing -- it's usually not necessary. The other possibility is that you need rely more on subtext and visualization. If there is a bit of detail that is needed, just don't have two talking heads -- you can bury the exposition in action like having the information conveyed during a golf game or a swimming race or people eating at a hotdog stand.

Most people in real life don't talk very much. I find the trick to paring down dialogue is remembering what the character wants and letting them find a way to express that. There's also the general rule of just listen to people and remember subtext.

Picture the scene in the last star wars movie where Luke pops up out of nowhere and Laya knows he has to go out there and will likely die. Does she go on a big long tangent searching for reasons for him not to fight? No she smiles through tears and says "I changed my hair" They both know shes really saying please don't go out there and die.

I love Corey Mandell's approach - mask your exposition in conflict. If you have conflicting goals and built-in escalations who cares if you stick your exposition in there - if done right it will build context, raise the stakes and drive the character toward achieving their goal.

Show, don't tell, as much as possible.

Google "show, don't tell" and there are bazillions of blogs and examples and writings about it. Also, ask yourself how much the audience needs to know. Do we really need the backstory and detail? You know it, as the writer, and your assurance of that knowledge will shine through. So, "show, don't tell" is good, but a lot of times, don't even show. If you've don't your background work then the writing will feel safe.

Find movies that are noted for great dialogue, then get the script and study it.

Also, read any novel by Elmore Leonard - he's a master at dialogue.

If you feel like the scene absolutely calls for exposition and you can't build it around a conflict, you can use the "in the shoes of the new guy" technique. Example: If you need to explain the backstory of a location - you can have someone giving a tour - then it's natural someone is spilling exposition, or in heist movies there's the guy who comes in late: "please tell me I don't have to explain how the bank vault works? Fine. Short and sweet - Tanya's got the hacking. I've got the drill And Greg's got the explosives. Got it?" "Then what am I here for?" "The diversion." End scene. And as others have said above - go line by line, word by word, do they need to say "Fine, I'll see you at the baseball field later, and I'll bring the drinks." Or do we already know all of that and the scene can just end with not even "Bye"? Good luck!

There is a lot that audiences can pick up from context of a scene and details can be dropped in to fill in the gaps. Having a virtual table read is a good way to “see” your screenplay acted out and see where the exposition can be trimmed and which bits are needed to convey the story.

Just saw a nice quote that is relevant to this:

The lies are in the dialogue, the truth is in the visuals." Kelly Reichardt

Read scripts - lots of scripts. It's a great way to understand what works.

Read Scott Myers series on how to read a screenplay - https://gointothestory.blcklst.com/how-to-read-a-screenplay-parts-1-7-8f...

In relation to books: Writing Subtext, what lies beneath by Linda Seger and Writing For Emotional Impact by Karl Iglesias

Tell the story through the actions of the characters.

Too much exposition means that you are using dialogue to tell the story in a motion picture. You are writing a screenplay. You want to use the pictures to tell the story so that the dialogue is free to play.

Do a quick inventory of your dialogue and list everything that is said but not seen, then check to see which of those things are important to the story (i.e. the audience NEEDS to know about them). Those story points that are heard and not seen? Write out the scene with the action that the dialogue is referring to (and try to do it WITHOUT dialogue first). Then you can see if the scene with the action works better or in conjunction with the scene with the exposition (we absorb things better when we both see and hear the information).