Unfilmable Action As screenwriters we have an extremely difficult job that requires us to paint a thousand-word picture with as few words as possible, and to repeat this sixty or more times with every scene. To make matters worse, these micro visuals are reserved for the few lines after our scene heading [read: not the dialogue]. For many, this lands somewhere between prose and a journalist’s outline of facts, most of which is unfilmable. For instance: JOHN DOE (39) wears a wrinkled polyester suit, his face is unshaven and his scent alone could start a 4- alarm fire, because he’s been at the bar to drink away his painful divorce that was finalized 12 years ago. He has a hard time with change. Everything after ‘unshaven’ is technically unfilmable. Meaning that even if your reader likes what you wrote, your audience will not be able to see it on screen. The bigger problem here is that this is where the writer’s all important voice is able to be showcased. So how do you show your way with words while creating compelling visuals that make a page-turning read? You have to know why the scene exists. In this example John is being introduced, what is the most important thing we need to know? Is it that he didn’t shave, or he might have a drinking problem? Or he reeks of alcohol? Even though it depends on what story you’re telling, the fact of the matter is that even if one of these things is more important than the other, the most interesting thing is that John has a hard time with change. How in the hell do you film that and establish all of these other details that are going to ruin John’s day and set your story gears into motion while showcasing your flair for stringing together 26 characters into poetic cadence? When it comes to unfilmable visuals, keep them brief and few and far between. So the above becomes: JOHN DOE (39) has been drinking J.D. since 9 a.m., the bartender slides him a water. John climbs over the bar and grabs the bottle of J.D. – it’s spent. The only technically unfilmable part of this action is that he’s been drinking since 9 a.m., but those few words clearly give us a visual of what we’re dealing with and does so with an economy of words. The costumers and makeup artists can worry about what his suit and face should look like, your job is to convey a line of action that leads to another. We can find out later he hasn’t gotten over his divorce, we don’t need it all at once (and often, we don’t need it at all). Unfilmables are okay, but make sure they create a visual that is absolutely crucial to conveying a feeling in your scene and that they do not slow the main action / goal of the scene. But most importantly make sure the visual you are creating is interesting. We are not set designers, costumers, cinematographers or acting coaches. Nor are we novelists or journalists. We put words on paper that become visuals projected on screen, make sure those words are clear, dynamic, necessary and most importantly, they lead to the next string of words. If it were easy, it would cease to be fun. Have fun.
Screenwriting : Today's Wish and Creative Tip by Laurie Ashbourne
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Monday Motivation
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I always find this to be most challenging, and your advice might be the most practical tip I've received in overcoming that hurdle. Great post!!
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I havent read many scripts with "John Doe drinking since 9am..." descriptions. Today Writers try to sneak in a line for the Reader like "the kind of house I'd buy when I sell this script." Have fun and listen to Laurie. Keep it minimum and a page turner. Pro Readers and Executives read lots of scripts.
Thanks, Eric. In regards to the 'brand name' of drink, I actually beg to differ. I don't recommend anyone use brand names in their scripts. Product placement is a thing, and it will get decided by the people that specialize in it. Inferring a type of drink (or other product is all that is needed), you knew it was Jack, all we're going for as writers is to provide the words needed to convey the feeling and information of every scene. Unless the story is about a distillery, there's no need to be that specific.
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Another outstanding post, Laurie...What's that Altman said about a screenplay being a blueprint?
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Hey Eric - in this example it is stylistic choice of voice that highlights the adage 'exaggerate precisely.' One could absolutely say, 'he's been drinking bourbon since early this morning.' IMO, 'he's been drinking JD since 9am,' is a bit more poetic or at the very least showcases my style of storytelling and paints the picture with an economy of words.
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Thanks for sharing this Laurie. I appreciate others who take the time to share information.
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Thanks, Laurie. This is one area, I personally, need to improve upon and you are helping ME.
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Hey Laurie, for what it's worth, I agree with your point about "JD." Here's my "real life" example from last/this week. My colleagues and I just turned in a pilot outline to 20th TV (Fox's TV studio) last week. One character in the show drives a small car. It's (hopefully) funnier and definitely more authentic to call that car a Leaf, a Mini, a Fit, or a Smart Car than a generic small car. In our outline, we list a specific car brand and model. We had our studio notes call today, and of course, no one is telling us to remove the reference to the car brand. Why? Because it's additive to the experience.
Oops! Regina's post just reminded me, in a screenplay I wrote that takes place back in '75, I mention a specific car model / make popular in that year, should I go back and switch it to a generic unknown model?? Or do as Laurie suggests in her example with JD? Help!
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Jorge - Let me ask you this are the brands important to your story? Or are they used in a way to efficiently paint the picture? In other words, you couldn't write JOBS without using the Apple brand, but you could write TALLADEGA NIGHTS without Toyota. In the example here (and in Regina's case) they inference of the name is not dwelled upon, it's a stylistic choice to paint the picture. Used sparingly, something like that is fine. Over used, or used when the story could be told more effectively when not, it can become a problem. There is a long standing producer on Nickelodeon who makes all of his technolgy pear products, nearly identical to Apple in look but with a pear instead of an Apple. A part of filmmaking that is rarely discussed is rights and clearances but it is a crucial step in getting a script produced. The experts in this discipline comb every line of a script and look for things like this or use of celebrity or song or other IP. At the same time, the product placement experts work with producers to get financial support via use of brands as a part of the production. Meanwhile on set, script supervisors work diligently to make sure no brands or IP show up on screen that have not been cleared. I know filmmakers that have had indie productions in the can and recieved cease and decists from brands. That's an expense no one should experience. Songs are probably the biggest red flags, as music rights can be more expensive than talent. The point to all of this is, that an experienced producer (or producer's reader) will immediately pick up on these things and either see the potential for product placement or see the headache that dealing with it would create. The last thing you want is to give anyone a reason to say 'no.' The bottom line is write what best showcases your voice, and tells an entertaining story, if you have to infer a brand to do so, do it sparingly.
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Eric - I'm glad I was able to make you laugh, that is my goal. Best of luck to you.
Laurie, thanks. I guess I'm better off, removing, A red PINTO, Jane DOE, doesn't recognize is parked in front of her home. Pinto - '70s car. I'll just put, A small red car... Bottom line: All brand names, songs, what else? Are off limits on screenplays and teleplays. Thanks again, Laurie and Regina as well. Hey, at least can't say, that is lonely in this lounge.
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Thanks. Your post are always so informative and thought provoking.
Laurie: Sorry, sorry, I forgot to answer your question, are brands important to my story? Ans.No, brands are not, however I must add, music is very much so, in one particular script I wrote based on the lives of dancers and their lives in early '80s, but the song selection, I should leave to the people in charge of getting the rights to the songs? Thanks, again, I'll go away now. :)
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Great post Laurie. It resonates for me right now because it's something I'm actively working on, and really accentuates the difference between writing a book or novel and writing a screenplay. They are such vastly different forms. Thanks for the insight. It's always helpful.
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Hi Jorge - music based films are tough especially one to an era so specific as the 80s. In the music properties that I have developed, we have used the instruments as integral to the story so that those in charge of the soundtrack (and lyrics) can have a idea of where to start (but they weren't 80s midi keyboard synth stories). I can't recall the script, but quite a few years back a writer submitted a playlist with their script where they said play track # _ now, to the reader and it was successful in getting the material made. What I would suggest is coming up with something stylistically that can give an idea of song (whether it's head-banging heavy metal, or sappy slow dance ballad), and use that stylistic device anytime you need it to set the tone of a scene. This is where your creativity and voice come in to play, so take some time to be inventive. Whatever you settle on just make it consistent throughout, so that it becomes part of the story and give a nod to the fact that you understand music rights a tricky area to navigate. A great example of a writer doing something inventive like this is 500 DAYS OF SUMMER (the device isn't music based but it gives you an understanding of what I mean). http://readwatchwrite.com/monday-script-share-500-days-of-summer/
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Great post.
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Not to change the subject, but Laurie's link to readwatchwrite.com reminded me about Brad Johnson's 52-Week Script Challenge. He has PDF links to great scripts there, and the stories are across genres. The link also goes back a few years. Here's the link: http://readwatchwrite.com/the-52-script-challenge-2016-edition/ Great post as usual, Laurie!
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Laurie: Thanks. You are too kind x 100 with your time. I get it. I must say when I was writing, The Secret Dancer, which is loose biographical (my story) I listened to free style dance songs of that year (1984) to get in the mood, to transport me back to the experiences I lived. Anyway, I very grateful for ALL your tips and I will apply them, which is very soon, I start my rewrite for that screenplay. You are a blessing and a gift to this community.
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Hi Laurie, maybe you're thinking about TIME AFTER TIME? http://variety.com/2004/film/markets-festivals/wild-pitch-is-just-in-tim...
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Hi Regina - I hadn't read that story, thanks! That wasn't the script I meant though, it was a spec script that was sent out with a CD and the writer had notes within the pages as to play track # _ here, and there was a disclaimer in the front that said they didn't have to play the disc but it would make the story more enjoyable if they did. I usually remember everything, for some reason I'm blanking -- it will come to me.
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Yes! My brain works. It was Zach Helms' STRANGER THAN FICTION. He distributed the script with a CD of punk rock, really wanting to invoke a grittier script that what ended up being on screen.