Screenwriting : Critique by Tasha McLemore

It's a soft pass. This person doesn't want to work. Move on.

Sorry that you went through that, @Tasha McLemore. You did an incredible job pitching. It's just that the person you pitched to went through a terrible situation and she doesn't want to relive the trauma.

It sounds like you did a great job pitching but that due to personal reasons, the person you pitched to can't handle the subject matter for the time required to develop such a project. Don't be discouraged, as they clearly respect your talent and think this story needs to be told.

I'm confused about something. Did she already know about the content in this story before she read it?

I think it's a pass too. But there is a chance someone else will pick it up. Don't give up!

I think it says you did a great job, but it just wasn't for her. It may be for someone else to tell the story. It is a tough subject matter, but in the right hands the story could be and should be told. Keep forging ahead. It's actually very positive.

That’s what I saw also she felt it was a good story but it sounds like emotionally it affected her but that’s also showing how powerful the story is. You can do this Tasha I heard you pitch this and it’s like by sharing this you will affect a lot of women who have experienced this but have not come to a place where they can handle what happened to them and it seems she was saying more emotionally she did not want to but as a writer to convey your thoughts so powerfully that it moves people that means you did your job. Keep up the outstanding job . I like to try to use others stories like Sylvester Stallone when he wrote Rocky they didn’t want to cast him they didn’t like the way he looked or spoke. He didn’t give up. Tyler Perry they asked him to change his story they didn’t like it and Others have labeled his work in a negative light but both examples are different but we just know how their story ended but you are talented keep at it please don’t give up.

Vikki Harris, She knew what it was about when she asked to read it.

@Tasha Unfortunately you had no knowledge prior you were going to pitch this to a reader who’s own pain was re kindled by a similar memory. My gut would heave if I got answer first sentence “difficult” to read which is way different to pointing out bad writing or story weakness. This must suck cos you may feel a sting of bias. Move on. Shift focus & get it in front of fresh eyes.

I would take it as a huge compliment that you emotionally moved someone so much, even if she wasn’t able accept the project.

Tasha McLemore Exactly. So, why would she asked to read something that would conjure up feelings in her that would professionally affect you? She could have just politely passed, "This is not what I am looking for at the moment."

Vikki Harris Exactly! Because I waited almost a month to give it to her because she said she was EXCITED to read it.

Wow, that sounds like it is great! Maybe finding the right home for it is the key. Then pitching there.

A++ on the pitch. C- on the reader who decided to inject her personal trauma into YOUR project. Personally, if money changed hands, you should receive a complimentary "do-over" with another reader, due to extenuating circumstances. It's BEYOND tragic what has occurred to both parties involved, but I got the sense that your plight was overshadowed by hers. It's understandable to want to make the connection to the subject matter, but harping on "three years of production" and similar comments places the focus on her. I could be wrong, but that's how I felt at the conclusion.

Great job on the pitch! I know based on research with 3 executives on this site, they have had traumatic experiences and I do not pitch to them for this reason. As I never want people to relive their trauma, especially if they have not resolved it yet! Just keep moving forward and you will connect with someone who loves not all the story but also wants to work with the amazing writer of the story. Kudos!!! Tasha McLemore

I think she should have a do over as it doesn’t seem fair at all.

A lesson I taught to all my children....you'll do a lot better in life is you eliminate two words from your vocabulary: "fair" and "deserve".

Michael Elliott I totally agree with that practice, I have two kids and I also substitute teach. Short story it was Friday and I had forgotten to give the kids the vocabulary review paper on Thursday so I gave it to the class and told them to practice over the weekend, quiz was on Monday. You would have thought the I told them the sky was falling a kid jumped out of his seat "That's not fair". When I told him "life isn't fair" he was stunned, like it was a new concept. He got a 100%.

Tasha McLemore - If you remember Stage 32 platform clearly says it is for educational purposes - the producers feedback provided so much education for you to move forward plus maybe you can see her point of view since you both share trauma. ***The only suggestion I would have for you is to not wait a month when someone requests your script, have it ready and send the same day!!! Best Keep Moving On!

Michael Elliott, I don't think I used or thought either of those words. I was asking if the critique was good or bad, because I may have misinterpreted her comments.

@Amazing Kacee. I research everyone I pitch to. I make sure they are looking for the story that I am pitching, etc. Nowhere did I find anything about what she had gone through and it was not until we spoke that she mentioned it, but even after that, she stated she wanted to read it.

Tasha McLemore Again why wait a month to send it? Regarding your reply to Michael Elliott, why were you not able to comprehend the great feedback from the producer, which everyone else did? What feedback were you looking for from the writers on this platform?

Amazing Kacee. I have to ask, what problem do you have with me? I was confused because she asked for the script initially. This was my first time pitching to an exec and wanted feedback from others that may have this experience. I waited a month because stage 32 said that it could take that amount of time and to wait, so I did.

@Amazing Kacee, I could not send it the next day because Stage 32 has rules and I did what they told me to do. I did email about the process and was told to wait. That's what I did!!! I was confused because she asked to read it even AFTER telling me of her situation. I thought we were free to ask questions here without being confronted or attacked.

Tasha....I don't know if you misrepresented the reader's comments or not. That's irrelevant. She passed. That's all that matters. It may be for the reasons she stated...or not. Don't spend your time analyzing it. Move on to the next pitch.

Michael Elliott, I understand, but I guess I should have asked if should I make changes to it since she stated it was too dark. I guess that's where my confusion lies. But I am pitching it again this Saturday and looking to see what happens.

Do you think you should make changes to your script since it's too dark, @Tasha McLemore? Ultimately it's your script. If you decide to make changes, maybe add a comic relief character so there will be some cheer and humor in the script, unless the script already has a comic relief character.

She's passing for the right reasons... making a film with that sort of subject matter is impossibly hard and some people don't have it in them.

Amazing Kacee "Sigh."... It tells you not to email the executives; if they want your script, it must go through a process through Stage32. The EXEC told me that she would let Stage32 know she liked the script and wanted to read it, so, that is why I waited that long. I was following the rules of this page. I may be an amateur screenwriter, but the one thing I am NOT is stupid, so please don't speak to me as if I am. This business hardens you, but there is no reason to be outright rude. My skin is thicker than you think, but I know the difference between critique and sarcasm; you are the latter.

Tasha McLemore First of all I am not being rude, - These writers on this platform lifted you up and wrote amazing things and you still have not said one gracious thing or even thanked them. There is no way anyone ever can make you feel stupid or anything negative as you alone are in total control of your feelings, so just change you feelings, as you control them not others.

Alright, the comments on this thread are getting out of hand. I'm reaching out to ask that everyone step back so to speak and move on to other conversations. Taking feedback and critiques can be hard and it takes practice and experience to get into a rhythm. We all need to remember that we all come from different experience levels and we're all here to make positive connections, learn, and grow. So please lead with compassion, respect, and patience when interacting in the lounges.

Tasha McLemore, I'm so glad that you put yourself out there and got feedback on your project. I'm also happy that when you weren't sure how to take the feedback you reached out for advice in the community. You've received a lot of varied advice, but the best thing that you can do from this point is to keep moving forward. Take the feedback that makes the most sense to you and apply it as best you can. If you ever have any specific questions about Stage 32 script services, you can always reach out to success@stage32.com. They can also provide guidance and help in how to approach your goals. And please keep trying and taking chances towards your goals.

Take it with a grain of salt. Sounded like you had a great idea, but it hit home with the person who gave feedback. Don't give up, submit again! :)

Hey everyone! Just wanted to jump in here on this. @Ashley thank you for jumping in as well.

@Tasha, you've clearly got a great script. As the exec states, they work in dark material all the time, so arguably they thought after you pitched it that they could handle the material. After reading it, they felt that they couldn't. It's disappointing, but it can happen and you shouldn't take it personally or as if you didn't properly explain in your pitch. You did everything right here and the feedback is positive and you should be proud of both your script and the pitch. Keep doing what you're doing! You will find the people who are excited to champion this story alongside you!

I want to caution some general comments here that were against the exec. They are people too, so let's remember to treat others how we would want to be treated. It was incredibly vulnerable of this executive to share their personal experience (thank you Tasha for not sharing their name). They didn't have to do that. I feel their stating that it connects to their trauma while also explaining that they're still drawn to dark material generally was very thoughtful of them. It's a very fine line to walk. As many of you know, requesting materials is a benefit after the service has been completed, and the final feedback to those materials can vary in scope. This reads to me like the exec really did appreciate the story and wanted Tasha to understand genuinely why they're passing. I hope you all get feedback as thoughtful and honest as the one Tasha received.

Emily J ... I apologize if asking this question caused some negative comments about the exec from others. She did not read it; she only requested it. I was confused about whether my script may have been too dark and wondered if I should change it. That is why I asked the question here since this was my first pitching.

I won't allow this to happen again or go back and forth negatively with anyone else on this forum.

Tasha McLemore I wouldn't change a thing. She may not the be the right fit, but somebody is.