Screenwriting : Location Description by Maurice Vaughan

I love describing locations, so much so that it probably shows I'm a novelist lol. I try not to overdescribe since that puts the story on pause.

You're right, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Too much description can put the story on pause. Sometimes I'll overdescribe the location (and put notes in the description) during the first draft, then get rid of the unnecessary stuff during rewrites.

Since I have directed a lot, I know what directors need to know. And I typically use each location as many times as possible in the same screenplay, to minimize the total number of different locations. This makes filming easier. Here are some in my latest screenplay.

-

EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

Early April. A cemetery with a church, a parking lot, a bench, a trash can and a hedge.

-

EXT. CIA HOUSE - DAY

A poorly kept house bears a sign that reads "CIA". The main door is made of wood. Garden chairs among empty beer cans. A shovel is stuck in the ground near the trash can.

-

INT. CIA HOUSE - STAIRWELL - DAY

A shabby stairwell with a first-aid kit at the upper end of the stairs. There is one door, marked "ARCHIVE".

-

INT. CIA HOUSE - PAULINE'S OFFICE - DAY

A normally furnished office. An office chair and a regular chair. A rainbow sticker on the wall. A trash can. A closed cupboard large enough to accommodate a still.

Photo frame on desk. In the photo frame there is a large photo of a baby girl and a smaller photo of a small grave.

Thanks for commenting, Göran Johansson. Being the one who writes and directs a movie gives that person more options when it comes to describing locations, writing scenes, etc. And using each location as many times as possible cuts down on cost.

Thanks for jumping into the discussion, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Sorry, I forgot to say it before.

No worries Maurice Vaughan

When the details are necessary to the storyline, I absolutely include them, but I prefer to avoid flowery, lengthy descriptions of locations.

But what I’m really interested in knowing more about is how to describe the scene’s camera angles in your eyes without being overly directive to the director. Especially in the transitions between scenes. For example:

DAVID

So… have you been drinking?

EMILLIE

(finally acknowledging)

It was my colleague’s birthday.

Before David can respond, Emillie’s phone rings. She glances at him, answers cheerfully, and walks out of the room.

EMILLIE ON THE PHONE

Hi! Yeah, I’m home. Oh, stop!

David watches her leave, his expression shifting. He turns back to his laptop and stares at the blinking cursor.

He types: “The doorbell rings.”

SFX: DOORBELL RINGS.

Scene 3

EXT. ETHAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

The door opens. MARK and DANIELS stand outside, calm and professional.

ETHAN (O.S.)

Sorry… just finished my workout. Can I help you?

Maurice Vaughan while I still have a mountain of things to learn about screenwriting, wouldn't the location description detailing be dependent on whether the location is part of the story? Some locations are just there, while others act like a character. Not that I would know how to write it. Just throwing out thoughts.

Thanks for joining in on the discussion, Ashraf Nahlous. I avoid flowery, lengthy descriptions of locations (and anything) unless I need to write that kind of description. Like in a Fantasy or Romantic script.

"But what I’m really interested in knowing more about is how to describe the scene’s camera angles in your eyes without being overly directive to the director." You can do that by how you write your action lines.

Let's use what you wrote as an example. "Before David can respond, Emillie’s phone rings. She glances at him, answers cheerfully, and walks out of the room." Say you wanted to show a close up of the phone without writing "CLOSE UP." You could rewrite those action lines as "Before David can respond, Emillie’s phone rings. An unknown number shows on the screen. She glances at him, answers cheerfully, and walks out of the room." That way, the reader will know it's a close up shot of the phone.

I took a webinar yesterday called "How to Write Effective Action Lines" (www.stage32.com/education/products/how-to-write-effective-action-lines-i...). I recommend watching it! You could also read scripts to see how other writers write their action lines without using camera angles.

You wrote in your example "Especially in the transitions between scenes." I don't see a problem with your transition. You wrote, "He types: 'The doorbell rings,"' then mentioned the doorbell sound and "The door opens." That's a smooth transition. I don't know what happens in Scene 3 though, so it might not be a smooth transition. You could read scripts to keep getting better at writing transitions.

Also, you wrote "She glances at him, answers cheerfully, and walks out of the room," then "David watches her leave, his expression shifting." She already left the room, so you don't have to write "David watches her leave." Unless you mean he watches through a window as she leaves the house.

You could put "EMILLIE (PHONE)" or "EMILLIE (O.S.)" instead of "EMILLIE ON THE PHONE."

And you don't have to put "SFX" for sound effects. You could either just write "Doorbell rings" or "DOORBELL RINGS."

Yeah, Debbie Elicksen. The location description detailing depends on whether the location is part of the story or if it's just a location. If it's just a location, it might not need a description, or it might only need a really short description. Great question! Thanks for jumping into the discussion.

I'm writing something right now that is tied to the location by events and characters. AND it would add to both visual impact and sense of adventure in the film. So in this case, I am trying to strike a balance by (I hope ) judiciously describing the general location while being mindful of word count. Others have said it - if it's germain to the story then by all means go for it. But make sure you're only including enough to get your point accross.

It's great to meet you, Bill Jordan. Thanks for commenting. Yeah, it's a balance. You might find that balance during writing or during rewrites.

I keep it brief,. When it impacts the action, I add detail.

Thanks for joining the discussion, Tore Simonsen. I like that. Brief and add detail when it impacts action. Say you're writing a fight scene in a repair shop and the characters start using parts of the shop in the fight (tools, cars, those large car lifts, the garage door, etc.). You'll describe the location in more detail?

For me, it depends on how important the setting is to the scene. For example, any alleyway will do. And the desert is the desert, unless it's the desert. But I find that when I do describe a setting, it's not just about the physical objects in the scene but the overall energy and feeling.

For the picture above, for instance, here's how I'd describe it:

Chaos ensues in the kitchen, where every niece, nephew, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, mother, and father try to talk over each other in order to get the right pizza to the right person. Several of the younger members of the family stand off to the side, not wanting to wade into the fray, while the adults try to coordinate the dinner disorder.

Great job describing the chaos in the picture, Tony Ray! Thanks for sharing an example. You mentioned the overall energy and feeling of a setting. I think it's important to describe a setting again in a scene (say halfway of the scene) if the energy and/or feeling change.

Very much so, sometimes right down to the smell!

Hi, Claude Gagne. Thanks for joining in the discussion. I'm glad you brought up smell. I don't use smell in descriptions that much, but I've been planning to. I have a script idea where smell is gonna be huge.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

A Crowd hovers over two boxes of Italian ambrosia.

The battle for pizza begins when the locusts descend to grab a slice.

Soon, the game of "Pizza Politics" when one slice is left that everyone fixates on but waits to see who has the bad manners to snag it.

Terrific action lines, E Langley! "When the locusts descend to grab a slice" is my favorite part. Love it! Thanks for sharing another example.

Also think about the way you can use changes in writing style to deliver the impact of what you're describing. For example, if you were to write about a dark room that is weathered and generally creepy, over describing it may take the impact out of it, whereas simply stating it as "cold, dark, forgotten" gives you an instant vibe of what it will feel like to the audience.

Thanks for commenting, Ewan Dunbar. Great point! And "cold, dark, forgotten" doesn't take up much space at all.

I was taught to always set the scene with a sentence or two if the location is different from the previous scene.

Thanks for jumping into the discussion, Norman Welthagen. I do the same thing. Set the scene with a description when the location changes. And I just thought about something else. I've read scripts where writers start scenes with dialogue (no location description or action lines). I used to do it too, but I start a scene with a location description or action line(s) now to let readers know who's in the scene and what's going on at the start of the scene.