Screenwriting : Comma or No Comma by Charles V Abela

Yes, commas still matter.

Without the comma, the meaning is only slightly altered. But only a purist will pick up on it. Dark eerie night: the night is eerily dark. Dark, eerie night: the night is dark and eerie. What's the difference and how would a comma slow down the reading? The remaining commas in your paragraph seem to be necessary. Not worth losing sleep over this.

I'd lose the comma. You don't REALLY need it, plus the sentence already has a lot of commas, bringing it dangerously close to being a run-on sentence.

Lindbergh E Hollingsworth Does it matter in this case and why?

My point is, the reader who would probably be very young, and who could be in a hurry to make ends meet, and as it happens they are the readers where most newbies' scripts end up with, and may or may not be grammatically savvy (like me)... would it be better if I leave it out? Phew.

Keep the comma. Maybe it’s the English nerd in me but “dark eerie” doesn’t look good without the comma. In most cases two adjectives in quick succession need a comma between them.

Banafsheh Esmailzadeh Must be the English. Grammatically it's correct. You are right. But since it's for American Audience and could be looked at by young people, mostly in the US to get through their studies, ( I know it sounds awful, but I believe it's factual ) I may have to set the sails the way the wind blows. Not sure if grammar would be their top priority if they need to read it fast. Perhaps an unnecessary stumbling block. Ticking fast boxes here is the name of the game.

Yes to comma, yes to shortening the sentence.

Charles V Abela I’ve found that grammar and punctuation affects how quickly you read and ultimately understand something. When either is off, I have to read the sentence at least once to infer meaning—which naturally slows me down—and it’s usually because of a missing comma. So I personally don’t agree that relaxing the rules actually helps the reader. If they’re reading quickly anyway (which is to say they’re probably scanning more than reading), they’re probably not going to care too much, but then I’d doubt they actually absorbed the material to begin with.

yes, keep the comma!

Agreed. The comma between "dark" and "eerie" is appropriate because they're coordinate adjectives.

Though overall, it's a run-on.

I've read SO much weird grammar in scripts. For no reason I can think of.

Wal Friman I take your point about sentence being too long. I split the sentence. A B and C. Please just point out the one you like. If neither say None. Thank you, Wal.

A

While driving in misty conditions on a dark, eerie night in the Romanian woods around Bucharest, a husband and wife have an argument. The wife ends up physically abused, badly bashed, and scarred. The altercation causes the car to go off the road, crashing into the trees, leaving her husband dead and her critically injured.

B

While driving in misty conditions on a dark, eerie night in the Romanian woods around Bucharest, an argument develops between husband and wife. The wife ends up physically abused, badly bashed, and scarred. The altercation causes the car to go off the road, crashing into the trees, leaving her husband dead and her critically injured.

C

A husband and wife have an argument while driving in misty conditions on a dark, eerie night in the Romanian woods. The wife ends up physically abused, badly bashed, and scarred. The altercation causes the car to go off the road, crashing into the trees, leaving her husband dead and her critically injured.

Charles V Abela in answer to the comma question, I would leave it out. But I also wanted to say that what you've got there is not a synopsis. It's a summary of the inciting incident.

Charles V Abela it depends. Remember a comer simply means a pause, therefore if included, it will put more emphasis or drama into the word "dark" as apposed to saying all three words in one breath.

This will be significant if you need an actor to say the particular line.

Maureen Mahon Thank you Maureen. That was the first sentence of the Synopsis. It is for a revamped Script (22 pages). I had been advised to turn it into a Short. Prior, it was in 'no man's land' with 54 pages.

Eon C. Rambally Your point is taken but as I pointed out to Maureen Mahon's comment, it is part of a Synopsis and the words won't be spoken.

I find C an enjoyment to read.

Wal Friman I think I'll for C. It cuts out the "around Bucharest" piece. Thanks

Wal Friman I think I'll go for C. It cuts out the "around Bucharest" piece. Thanks

Yes, keep the comma. the comma doesn't slow the read - bad grammar does.