Cassidy Orme: Student in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hi Cassidy. I'm RB, Founder and CEO of Stage 32. As a screenwriter, producer, actor and filmmaker, I know first-hand the challenges all creatives face finding work, landing representation, launching projects, securing funding and simply making the connections that will make a difference in their careers. That's why I created Stage 32. Since our launch in September of 2011, the community has grown to 1,000,000+ members representing every country on the planet making Stage 32 the social network uniquely populated with the most creative people on Earth.

This is a network for you, built by you. Lik...

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Hello Cassidy -

Welcome to the community! I'm Amanda Toney, the Managing Director at Stage 32. Since 2013 I've been proud to oversee Stage 32's Next Level Education, which provides you the most up-to-date tools necessary to become a better creative.

Over the years Stage 32 has worked with over 500 industry executives and professionals to teach online webinars, classes and intensive labs exclusively for you - our Stage 32 community. We bring you instructors who have worked directly on some of your favorite films, TV shows or theater productions to teach you in-the-trenches information that you...

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Pierre Langenegger

1
1 person likes this
- Jim Boston
5 years ago

Is this your first script?

I have a couple of tips up front:

- Don't post your script in Word format. Save it as a PDF and post that instead.

- Use screenwriting software so your script will contain p...

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Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal"

1
1 person likes this
- Cassidy Orme
5 years ago

Cassidy:

The writing is solid and you have conveyed a clear tone and world where your characters live. The script kept my interest and that's the name of the game. The image of a guy in a Barney suit...

2
2 people like this
- Phillip E. Hardy, "The Real Deal"
- J. Michael Carmona
5 years ago

Cassidy – Yes, you really do need to explain.

You say you have Scrivener and Final Draft. I don’t know what Scrivener looks like on the page but if it doesn’t add page numbers then it’s not a good too...

Nathaniel Baker

5 years ago

Rated this logline

Brent Bergan

Enjoyed the short! Fun read... had look up the word Busking. Very funny.

Bardi Osobuanomola Catherine

Nice

Beth Fox Heisinger

mod

Hi, Cassidy. I gave it a quick read and the first thing I noticed is to perhaps get it into a screenwriting format program (this draft is written in Word, perhaps?). That will probably change your page count but it will also help with overall readability and functionality for production, not to mention make it easier and faster for you, the writer. If you don't have screenwriting software there are free options you can find online. I wasn't quite sure what this is about nor what the story is, per se, other than a man at rock bottom and lonely. I do think there's an underlining thematic statement here about the emptiness of pop culture and capitalism. Perhaps that will be better drawn out and apparent if/when filmed. About the writing... the dialogue felt natural, well done, but some of the descriptions and action are a bit overwritten and passive here and there. Remember with screenwriting, the writing needs to be immediate. There is also a tidbit of redundancies. Other than some minor finetuning, I think you have a good short here. If you wish to expand it into a feature or series, much would have to be developed about the character and more expanded to create a narrative. Perhaps how did he end up in Vegas as "Barney?" How does he change? Does he try to get his life together and adopt that little girl? There are possibilities here for a drama. :) Hope that helps. Best to you and best wishes with your script!