Paul G Newton's Lounge Discussions

Hey Paul, this is Karen from the Stage 32 team. I just wanted to let you know I moved your post from Introduce Yourself to Your Stage, as it fits much better there. Let me know if you have any questions and all the best to you!

Hey, Paul G Newton! I'd love for you to start this conversation in the Filmmaking Lounge as well. Maybe you could include your inspiration for making this? Thanks for inviting others to share as well! https://www.stage32.com/lounge/directing

I'm not mother-tongue, but lived in the US for six years. Good: the logline makes me curious about the story. And I expect some interesting conflict. In my opinion, two things can be improved: I would make 2 sentences out of the info you are giving. Maybe the first sentence until "desert". To my ears, "who happens to be the same man he's looking for" should be closer to "the lone survivor". The info about the alien's mission should maybe be a sentence of its own. Another idea to increase the suspense: "UNTIL he find's out that it's the same man he's looking for"... That way, it stays more in the protagonist's point of view, instead of an outside view and I expect an inner conflict of the protagonist and and maybe a plot-shift. Hope this helps and curious about the final logline :-) Niklas

We have an update for the longline. Finding a crashed spaceship in the desert, a former MMA champion discovers a lone survivor hunting a fugitive from her planet. They must find him before he can do to Earth what he did to her world.

It does condense it. Hmm...

Thanks James! We will definitely look at those. Cheryll might need a little more work I suppose. As far as Chuck is concerned, well, thats difficult because he becomes the mentor throughout the series for all things "supernatural". His relationship with her father was more than what's on the surface. Kind of a plot point for a future episode. We were trying to not give it all away at the beginning. He would be more akin to the character of "Bobby" in the TV show "Supernatural". I think we may look at trying to dial Cheryll in a little more as well. We thought we set up her "wild" tendencies already but I guess we didn't. This is the second time her character has been brought up so there must be more that needs to be done. Also, we were trying to tell the audience that there is no chance for Frank and Cheryll to have any "love interest" in each other and move on without looking back. We also wanted Cheryll to take on the masculine role that usually is not associated with the female characters while keeping it from being trashy. It's a fragile scene, at Frank's house, and we are trying to make a couple of points with it as well as "solve the case".

Cool Paul, If I may, you give an example of what I mean by the writers deciding what they need to say as writers rather than the characters saying what they need, when you say: "Also, we were trying to tell the audience that there is no chance for Frank and Cheryll to have any "love interest" in each other and move on without looking back." By having Cheryll come on to Frank, you are actually putting in the audience's mind that there is a 'love interest' there. You do mention Cheryll's wild tendencies in what Nathan says. The thing is that it is in reference to the moment of her father's death. Anybody could do something wild at that moment. The scene at Frank's house has some nice moments, the glowing mushrooms for example. Let the characters tell you what they need and I think you'll find a different ending to the scene. Cheryll being the one who comes on to men without it being trashy is an interesting character. Not being trashy, usually means that she will be that way with the right guy (not that she won't make mistakes like we all do, of course). As to Chuck, I've never watched Supernatural so I don't know Bobby. What an actor needs to play Chuck is a sense of how Chuck relates to other people. Right now as an actor, I wouldn't get the sense of a mentor because he is so manipulative; he's all over the map emotionally. The fact that Frank doesn't seem to spot this is also strange given how smart Frank is. My suggestion would be to ask yourselves why does Chuck want to mentor Frank and Cheryll and then let him answer the question. The amazing thing that often happens when you ask the question that way is that the plot points will fill in themselves. Good luck!

Well, we had a big fight over frank and Cheryll (as writers do) Donald wanted them to have a relationship but I don't. I don't because that's what I hated about The X Files. Who says a man and woman can't just be colleuges! Lol. I know why chuck was manipulative. He knew about the bad guy and had a sneaking suspicion of the other murders. Maybe we should write that in.

Regarding Paul's original question, 'When is feedback not actually useful?', I have some thoughts. (I've traded notes with writers on scripts, written coverage, etc.). First, I think it is fair to simply say 'This is what I liked.' followed by your specific 'likes' and 'This is what I didn't like.' with the specifics. If the writer/film maker wants more and you want to do more, I think the first thing you have to do is figure out answers to two questions, 'What story is the writer/FM trying to tell?' and 'Can I, based on my skills and interest, help tell that particular story better?' If you can't these questions effectively, you politely decline to go further. And definitely decline to go further if it's just not a story which appeals to you personally, emotionally. (Obviously, this last thought does not apply to paid consultants who have to dive in and do their best whether they like the story or not.) Assuming you can help, I'd offer particular suggestions which the writer/FM can consider. You like a character but you disagree with an important particular choice which the character made or you like certain scenes but one or more may better placed (that is, there's a problem with story structure.) or.... Finally, I think that good notes are rare, even from paid consultants. If you want criticism of your work, you plunge in and take your chances. In my view, your best chance is to get notes from either working screenwriters or working film makers, who, of course, do guard their time carefully. Good luck.

1. Never ask friends or relatives for an assessment of your work. Period. PERIOD⬤ 2. Put your professional hat on when taking notes. It's your work they're criticizing, not YOU. 3. Peer workshops provide the most cost effective feedback. 4. The worse your m/s, the more notes you get, up to a point. After that, you get fewer. 5. Almost anyone can critique AS A VIEWER. Five of those ~ one review. 6. To critique as a professional, they only have to know more than you do. 7. Remember, this is an industry where "nobody KNOWS anything." Be brave.

Movie Magic. But theses are tools, and what's most important is what you use the tools to build.

So true, William. One can have all the tools in the world to write with, but if there isn't a story and substance behind the pen, or in most cases, the keyboard, then nothing will be of use.

Guys, thank you all so much. I'm completely overwhelmed by the responses to my post.

I know my boy Bill is a MM guy, but I'm FD. But again, it's not just the software, it's the input.

It doesn't look like anyone answered a key part of your question. Why you need it. First and foremost, it will properly format your script per industry standard. That is the most important. As far as which to use, a lot will come down to HOW you'll be using it. If all you're doing is writing, and you don't plan to go into production, one of the simpler and free ones will do. If you need things like formalized scene numbers, more's and cont'ds, revisions, the ability to import and/or export to other industry programs like Scheduling (for script breakdown), then you'll want to start looking at programs like MM and FD . Will you be working with other screenwriters? If so, pick a program that has some kind of collaboration tool. You really can't go wrong with any of these suggestions. Even Amazon has a web-based program that's free called Amazon Storywriter (https://storywriter.amazon.com/). It actually allows you to submit your script directly to Amazon. And it imports from and exports to industry standard formats: PDF, FDX (Final Draft), and Fountain. Whatever you select, make sure it can 1) import/export Final Draft (by far the industry standard) and 2) PDF (to give to folks to read). The most important thing though is to write. Don't let not having one stop you from writing. From what I understand, Woody Allen still writes by hand and/or a typewriter. And as I end all my podcast episodes, "If the story sucks, I don't care what you shot it with, or cut it on." And I could add, "...what you wrote it on either." :) Good luck!

Phil- Just call Peter enough is enough. Use his Spidey sense. Most of us are suggesting 50/50.

I hope it lives up to it's hype! (ha ha)

Hi Phil, I have no experience in this situation whatsoever, so please discard my thoughts quickly. I have no idea what a contest would suggest in your situation. To my knowledge, I've never read a contest script with a "Story by" someone who isn't the writer. But generally speaking, I would suggest that you stick with the contract in which you are named the writer. I fear if you start giving up credit, you open the door to "give them an inch, they'll take a mile." The precedent could hurt your case later on down the road. Again, mine is a very uneducated opinion.

If your contract says script by you, then stick to that with the contests. Who';s putting out the cash for the contests. If its you, then he really shouldn't say anything. Also if he wants the screenplay credit now, who says he wont try to get it later on? Maybe list him as contributing writer if that makes you feels better.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to advise. Problem solved. Case closed. Cheers.

Haha. Nice try Paul, you were still over 3 years late to this party. :D Fallen looks good, seems like a good pitch for TV sort of like Haven - I dig. Have you been pitching your ideas with Happy Writers yet?

i haven't, still not sure how it works and if it would be a benefit, honestly.

Hello!

Hi, Paul

I know that Joey created multiple free webinars explaining how it works. If you reach out to Erik (https://www.stage32.com/profile/145240), I'm sure he can send you a link. All in all, they hook you up to pitch directly to an executive that might be interested in your work. Check out some of the success stories here: https://www.stage32.com/happy-writers/success-stories

How does one get you a short film that may be screened?

Hi Paul....email me a request to enter- dougleclaire54@yahoo.com and I'll explain how it works @ Asbury Shorts. Thanks!

Worst - Selling a TV movie to Fox only to have 911 hit and we had to pull the rights because of National Security. It was a real-life spy thriller and the rights owner got pulled into Homeland Security.

Yikes! That is awful, Mark! ...Actually, scary. :/

Laddie: That is a NIGHTMARE!!! D: Wow... I can't even imagine. :( Stephen: Dear God please tell me you had a backhoe or something to be able to move that tree. O_O Mark: D: That is terrible! I'm sorry that happened. Mine? When I was making my short a well-meaning computer tech lost over 300 frames of hand-drawn animation. I was so angry I drew them back ALL IN ONE DAY.

My girlfriend and I did background work for a period of time and we were on set together for a Stallone (flop) film. The scene called for us to dance, while Stallone pushes through the crowd to his dying partner. Little did we know that this particular actor was a diva (fighting with director after breaking his hand the day before) and has a history of abusing insignificant cast and crew. The 1st take, he barreled through the crowd and literally slammed into several people and knocking them onto the ground. One of whom was my girlfriend and she did not want to do another, but I had a plan. 2nd take, this time I spun her around to the other side of me and prepared to take a hit, because my ego was excited to boast that got hit by an A-list celebrity. However, instead of a linebacker hit, I felt a very wide and muscular hand press against my butt and lift and tossed me. Apparently he was told not to hit the extras, so pushed them around by their butts. And that is how i was groped by Stallone because he hit my girlfriend.

Talk about taking one for the team, Mike!