Chad Stroman: Screenwriter in West Jordan, Utah.

Not Chad, but what I'm intuiting is that the FD interface is very menu-driven, much like a early-2000's version of MS word. As opposed to Highland, that has a "tilebar" interface.

I've worked with hundreds of execs here on Stage 32 setting up coverage, consulting, pitch sessions, etc. Never has anyone commented on any particular software. Not even once. The only time it comes up at all is when it's clear someone used Word or similar with a template that just didn't work and the exec will mention that they should use screenwriting software - they never say you have to use one or another, but just ANY screenwriting software.

I've used Final Draft, Celtx, Fade In, Writer Duet, Trelby, Adobe Story and Amazon Story Writer and they all have their pluses and minuses. Download trial and free versions and try them out to see which best fits how you write. And if money is tight (and it usually is for us writers), use one of the free or cheaper ones and they'll get you by fine.

Stressing over software is another way that we (yes myself included) procrastinate. It keeps us from actually writing while we weigh our options. Don't get caught up in it!

Celtex was great when it was free but now you have to pay a subscription - i had an older version of final draft and i also used scenarist but i recently found 'Fade In' and at a one off fee of $80US, i think that's a pretty reasonable price for a particularly good piece of writing software.

hell of a lot cheaper that FD, i looked at the latest FD but it didn't win me over so im sticking with Fade In, they also have a 30 day trial option too so worth checking out.

If you really had to humanise them. I personally would only do it if there was no other way.

Bully - PTSD that’s how his trauma manifests

He doesn’t love her. He loves who he is sleeping with. But he is will to go without love to do the right thing

I think mental illness is the low hanging fruit here. She believes she is doing the right thing. So we see the world through her eyes and we can empathise. In this story, once she reaches her demise, we can feel sorry, but her punishment is justified.

Show their vulnerable side. Then you humanize.

I think the big thing would have to be the why they are doing this? What's the revelation that would make the viewer gasp and their opinion of the character's change?

I can't speak to anyone else but for me the vomit draft (if I'm not outlining, the vomit draft becomes a kind of super bloated outline) is where the story is told, the rewrites are where it comes to life.

To use a horrible and flawed analogy but that kinda works. The first draft or outline is the pencil sketch, the rewrites are where you grab your brushes and begin to paint because you find out that color really doesn't work there, it's too dark or it clashes with that color right next to it or "damn, there's a big white space right in the middle of the picture I didn't realize was there, I better fill it in." Or "Crap, I have the sun and moon both showing up at the same time. Time to cut one out!".

I love (and hate) rewrites because it highlights both my strengths and my weaknesses as a writer.

I improve dialogue all the time.In one script, I did a rewrite to change a character to female. * couple edits and some sassy dialogue.

Never finish, I tinker, tinker.

Once you're happy with the script, it is always a good idea to have a (at the moment, virtual!) table read so you can hear it out loud. You don't need professional actors to read the parts (however if you know some then by all means get them on board) but the one thing I always recommend is that you have someone else read the scene description and not be tempted to do this yourself. This way your only job is to sit and "watch" your screenplay from the audience's perspective. Its a great way to take a step back and look at your work from a different viewpoint.

Cindi Neisinger She hasn't been active for 3 years so might be slim chances she responds.

Congratulations!

Inspiring!

Hi Steve

Hello Steve - it sounds like you've had some great experiences within the fields I'm most interested in. Storyteller, scriptwriter and author/writer/ghostwriter here. Hoping to connect with some people who might see the potential in my many stories and wild imagination! Happy to connect with anyone who shares that ideal. :D

Hi Steve, I'd like to read more about what you direct and produce.

Felicia - that 'lot of people who just suggested themselves." are the beginnings of your network, but learn to be ruthless about who you let in. My advice is to just shoot the thing and see how it comes out. It's your film, you'll learn a lot by shooting/editing it. If you don't like the way it turns out - change it and do it again.

Sounds like you are making progress Felicia, all the best to you with the project

Hey Felicia. Thanks for reaching out & connecting. If I can be involved in any way with your projects I’d be honoured to have a chat.

Looks like the consensus is work at whatever pace is best for your situation. UNLESS someone is waiting for the script or paying you - then kick it into high gear! :) Seriously though, I think writers should take pride in whatever they are able to achieve - for some it's two pages a day due day job commitments and the like, for others it's twenty pages a day for a devoted time period. It's not the number of pages that matters, it's the commitment to getting it done that counts.

If you outline before, the first draft goes faster. If you don't, it takes longer IMHO. I try to vomit draft quickly then rewrite.

Takes me about 2-3 weeks to get the first draft out. If I didn't have the pain of a 9-5 :'( I'd prob be able to cut that down to a week.

My connections have come from pitching my work via various online sites, going to film festivals and making a point of arranging meetings with producers/execs I’ve met when I’m in LA.

I still occasionally host screenwriting seminars/retreats with other retired industry folk and participate in panel discussions at various film festivals; but other than that - not much.

It’s okay. People will flood my inbox when they realize my secret part time job as Jonah Hill’s snack caddy.

Hi, Eric. Just to let you know, your post was moved to Your Stage as it fits better there. That’s where members solicit for specific feedback by posting their work. See the description at the top. Best to you. :)

I gave the first few pages a looksee, and just my two cents, watch some of your word choice. You almost lost me with the word “ether” at the very beginning. It’s an odd word for what is a period piece, I guess? Sticks out like a sore thumb. Didn’t make sense. Could be just me, but it stopped me in my tracks. Reading further... I get that you are setting up these snippets at the beginning to create intrigue, shock, teasers if you will, but it doesn’t really set up characters nor the story. Emily is very flat to me, a sad depressed woman. Hollow. One noted. Something bad happens. Then they are on a train. There’s a watch. There’s no real sense of a story yet. Perhaps try alternate openings. Get into the story first. Substance. Seems you have something good brewing. So perhaps consider different approaches. Also, watch some odd capitalization and do rework the scene with the line that has “subtext” literally written in it. If you have to tell us that the character “gets” or notices the subtext then we clearly do not. It’s not clear. It should be evident. We should “get it” too but we don’t because we don’t have a clear sense of who these characters are as human beings and their situation and circumstances. Hope that helps some. Just keep going. ;)

Echoing what Beth said, that opening line "From somewhere within the ether..." is very purple prose to lead with, especially OVER BLACK.

After that I wasn't sure when we were still on BLACK and if these are just SOUNDS or we have FADED IN to these action lines:

A child cries. HEART-WRENCHING. DISTRAUGHT.

A fist CRASHES against a locked door. LOUD. FRANTIC.

If those aren't visuals (I tend to think they are just SOUND) then not sure how we know the sound is a fist crashing against a locked door (how do we know it's locked?)

After that we do have visuals but I don't know what scene setting we're looking at. There's no scene heading and there is lots of action but it's not in the context of where we are focused. There's a door, a wall and a family portrait on the wall but is this in a house? an apartment? I heard a child cry but is that from inside (I assume we're INT) or is there anyone else in that location?

Need to help me understand where this is taking place and give me a little clarity.

Owen shoves his hand through the door. Are we INT seeing a hand get shoved through the door or EXT behind Owen (I think the former but it's not clear).

As Owen heads deeper into the house, there isn't much description in sub-scene headings/sluglines where we are moving but there is assumed information such as "he sits on the floor just outside of the Ward’s LOCKED master bedroom." We don't know who the Ward's are and we don't know visually if this a LOCKED master bedroom door.

I think it would be helpful to use scene headings to introduce us to the INT. WARD HOME earlier.

The introductory scene/action has the potential to be gripping, intriguing and jarring. It can leave us wondering what happened. I would maybe recommend somehow including Owen's reaction. He busts down the door but then we just have the scene but not how Owen reacted to what he and we are seeing.

Heck you could even transition Owen's sound (screaming perhaps?) or the child screaming to the train whistle blowing (pre-lap).

In your superimpose, I don't think you need to signify that it's Union Station. You have it in the scene heading and it becomes apparent that it's a train station when you bring in the visuals.

"A SILVER POCKET WATCH TICKS." That's should be a CU or INSERT CU. We don't know that it's Owen's thumb (unless you show us Owen visually before the CU on the watch).

The picture should be a CU as well.

Unless Emily sees Owen shake the watch, it seems unnatural for her to ask if there's something wrong with the watch (or unless she sees Owen's concerned expression while looking at the watch, etc.) Basically what prompts Emily to ask if there's something wrong with the watch?

There's a lot of interplay between Emily and Owen that ties back to the opening scene. Some of it seems a little bit overdone if not a little bit over-dramatic. Emily's sadness. Owen's sadness. Emily's reactions. Owen's reactions. The watch. The photo. Emily drops his arm, won't meet his gaze, he touches her wrist, get a new watch, etc. I understand that the opening looms large and ever present but when just meeting each other off the train (from some sort of absence) it kind of felt a bit heavy-handed or forced recalling the opening.

There is a bit of action description that borders on purple prose but I think it's ok but again, it borders on being unnecessary to paint the scenes, characters and move the story forward.

Ex: "Her eyes are practically screaming. Her body language displays her desperation like a neon sign. Owen’s heart breaks. Emily is so broken."

I'm not sure what "Jacob's Car" is with regards to the next scene heading.

"Man who's seen blood" vs seem.

The series of shots in flashback should again be setup as a scene as we don't know where this is happening (although it appears there's maybe a train as there's a boxcar) but it it in a town? In a railyard? Set the scene for us where these horrific acts are taking place. Also how is Jacob not seen by the perpetrators as his mother is reaching for him, she Shhh's his direction, etc.

"His eyes scan the room." It's really not a room. It's a passenger car on a train I think.

"Whose ready" should be "Who's"

I wasn't sure at the end if the Father Greene/Jacob scene was happening simultaneously in Union Station as Owen/Emily or whether it was a different time (was Green/Jacob on the train from Chicago?)

End should be "Thank you" vs "Thanks you" unless the misspelling by the children is intentional and it's odd that all the children made banners say the same complex thing: “Thanks you Kansas City! New York Children’s Aid Society, 1904”.

Overall I'm intrigued and I think you have the right settings and characters. I'm a bit confused why Owen and Emily are separate and why Jacob is alone in a passenger sleeper carriage. The interplay between Owen and Emily seems more about forcing information to us vs. a natural interplay between two people familiar with each other but meeting each other after being separated. The state of "Jacob's Sleeper Carriage" room isn't explained although I assume Jacob did it and Father Greene's dialogue and actions don't really reveal their relationship, what is happening or happened prior to us coming "into scene" or what Father Greene is attempting to do. What is Father Greene attempting to do or what is his goal when he's in the car with Jacob?

I applaud your level headed-ness in your approach; I admire passionate people. They're mostly young and I'll never see 27 again. However, I do think anyone who has a message that is 50+ years old (earth Day 1970's), and that people do not wait to hear more of with salivating tongues, might not be a blockbuster film success. Having said that, you will notice how many distopian films (The Road, Mad Max, Walking Dead franchise, etc.) all come down to 'aftermath of human stupidity.' Your best bet is cloaking/accompanying your message in an interesting/compelling story line.

Make it a comedy.

Watch related documentaries. Here’s a resource freedocumentaries.org .

I much prefer to attend AFF, HPF, SIFF, etc. because that’s the best way for me to meet people. AFF is great for writers and you get the added benefit of hanging out with writers each night at the bar (at least I did in the days of old). Keep in mind that writing is a business (even if you are not making money at it), so expenses can be deducted (I am not an accountant, just sharing my experience), and, yes, there are much more inexpensive places to stay than the Driscoll in Austin.

I'd bet there are some in Orlando or Miami or at least in Atlanta.

can split the room with others seeking to go to same events .. it is a hustle just got to think about it like this .. I would sleep three men in a single bed room if I had to just to make a connection in the industry

Thanks Chad! Glad to have you in the community!

Appreciated as always, Chad.

Sandeep - I'll do my best; no promises.

Claud - No 'OF' necessary. I live in an area with a very shallow talent pool so there is no crew here (I'm workin' on 'em). I'm afraid that I may have to go to Portland, but I don't like the drive. I'm always willing to look at well crafted shorts but there is so much junk floating around that I'm hesitant.

Veil.

Two souls meet in Limbo; they must overcome past tragedies and unite to attain the strength to pierce the veil between them.

Are you saying there is problem between the souls, or are they are trying to break the shackles that keep them in Limbo?

I guess you could have both these souls in the place they're at because of what they did to each other. They don't know that at first. Not exactly your plotline though.

My first question is; who's the target audience? It's your story - so write it however you want but keep in mind who you're writing it for.

Doug - people who love animals (esp dogs)

That's called a "docudrama" isn't it?