Screenwriting

How about "rescue her mother's last song?" Stealing it hits me weird. It makes me wonder whether this is a protagonist I could pull for.

It's good of course. To be great it might have to do what Indiana Jones did. Indy wasn't only up against one Belloq, but the entire massive Third Reich - who got there first.

A wannabe rock star drummer aims for a number one hit with her mother’s last song, provided she can reverse the deal that Motown just made with her scheming father.

I would have loved to give some alternative but I don't know the complete story. Still, I have something on my mind regardingthis loglinee:

First, we can change the perspective in which these loglines are written. There must be more words about the emotional connection between mother and the last song she wrote like "An orphaned rock drummer chasing stardom in the music industry got to know about the music history of his mother go on a journey to confront his selfish/money-minded father and so on"

The second thing is that rather than "the last song", it is good to say what difference it will make in the son's life or the mother's last wish.

A second shot:

"A punk rocker discovers that her long lost father is alive and must team up with grizzled roadies to stop him from selling her deceased mother's demo tape to a shady record company."

From the bits of information I gathered from the responses, this is closer to the story.

Anthony, nice. Seems to whittle it down even further. I'm going to play around with this set up, see if I can work on the tone/add a detail or two. Thanks for taking the time to give it a go!

You're welcome, Sandra Isabel Correia. Thanks. Everything in her uniform is important to her fights with the monster. Nothing's for show.

Glad it's helpful, Debbie Elicksen!

Maurice Vaughan This is absolutely essential for writing visually! Also time out the action in the scene to make sure it takes up as much space on the page as the time it would take on screen. Also think about how to make the scene richer with information - for example, what could characters be doing while talking that would reveal something about them or their world. Writing for the screen instead of the page is what separates the pros from the wannabes.

Happy New Year, Anna Marton Henry! Those are great tips! I really like "think about how to make the scene richer with information - for example, what could characters be doing while talking that would reveal something about them or their world." Thanks for the advice!

Great advice Anna Marton Henry Definitely something I'm incorporation into my writing Don't just have talking heads. What are the characters doing while talking?

Thanks for the reminder, Maurice Vaughan!

You're welcome, Ashley Renee Smith. I have my eye on a few things that's on the list. There's a lot to pick from!

Maurice Vaughan I have a folder of a few stories that fall under public domain, in case I'm so inclined to revisit. :)

I like that idea, Debbie Elicksen. I'm gonna start a folder. Thanks for the idea. I can't wait to put spins on public domain stories and characters! I did it before with a Humpty Dumpty short story.

Bill Brock hi Bill, I watched this because everyone was shouting at me to do so, but in the final analysis it just left me cold. It was like I was a detached observer watching the film. True, your aforementioned scumbag was disturbing and maybe that was the point. Was it just another boring jibe at the ‘patriarchy’, or was there more to it?

I haven't had a Netflix subscription in years. Just feels like the platform is a Twitter account making movies.

Regarding the age of the protagonist, yes it's implausible, but, if you have a thriller project you're trying to get made and Kendrick wants to attach, you're more than likely going to say yes. This is the side of movie making most of us are oblivious to. You don't get to pick and choose much. It's a tough balance between your artistic values and what works economically.

The writer must have a sweet Netflix deal; the poster credits has the writer with same font size and placement as the director.

Having also recently watched the movie, I could see the intrigue of that story on paper. It's one of those "wow that's crazy" ideas that come through development that producers will take a flier on, and the movie had some great producers on board. Think the script was also featured on the 2017 annual Black List, so it was pretty bonafide solid on paper (again). Didn't have many qualms with Kendrick as far as casting, she's a great actress and strong leading lady. I do agree that at times it didn't feel like she was leading the movie enough. Her character's journey just felt a little truncated, like it was about this talented actor who couldn't get a fair opportunity, and this odd incidence was one of the final nails in the coffin for her to give up on her dream and leave LA/acting behind. So there was some catharsis if you look at it from that angle. But again, didn't feel like it really focused on her character arc enough, which also might've had something to do with Kendrick working out her process and trying to balance/maintain energy in her directorial debut!

The writer actually doesn't have a Netflix deal. Ian wrote the original version of the script years ago. I read it back in 2017 I believe, when it was being used as his spec and going by the title, Rodney and Sheryl. He and I developed a film together for Amazon Studios for a few years and while we were working on that, he and Anna partnered on this project together. He was really passionate about it and she didn't want him to be lost in the process as film writers so often are, so they worked very closely together. I believe that's why his name is prominently featured. Ian is a great guy. He works incredibly hard, isn't afraid to dive into difficult notes and put the work in, and he's a delight to problem-solve with. I haven't spoken to him for about 2 years now and I miss our long chats.

To a new chapter! Happy New Year.

happy new year!

Happy new years

John Mezes Happy New Year. I willl work to make it a productive one. Resolution- Two novellas and one screenplay by this time next year.

Happy New Year, John Mezes!

Congrats to everyone!

Sam Rivera Stage32 at it's finest

congratulations to everyone hope we see your vision on screen oneday!

Amazing and Outstanding!! Bravo Writers and Sam Rivera and @stage32! Cognratulations!!

Congrats to everyone on this list!

Happy New Year, Mark Deuce! I really like the title and concept! I think your logline could be tightened up. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/sets out to/fights/battles/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

You'd probably focus on the group instead of a protagonist since it's an ensemble story though.

Also, I think you could lead into the Superhero element more in the logline.

Welcome to the community, Lindsay Docherty. I’m a Stage 32 Lounge Moderator. I wanted to let you know that I moved your post from the Introduce Yourself Lounge to the Screenwriting Lounge since it's about screenwriting. Let me know if you have any questions.

You could pitch to managers through Stage 32’s Pitch Sessions (www.stage32.com/scriptservices/pitch-sessions)? The main purpose of the Pitch Sessions is to get feedback to improve your pitch, but sometimes the managers, executives, etc. request scripts, sign writers, etc. (www.stage32.com/scriptservices/success-stories).

You could also look up the contact info for managers with IMDBPro and call/email them (https://pro.imdb.com/signup/index.html).

You could enter screenwriting contests that get your scripts in front of managers and other industry pros, like Stage 32's contests (www.stage32.com/scriptservices/contests).

This is great advice thank you so much.

You're welcome, Lindsay Docherty. Happy New Year! Hope you get a manager!

Thank you and a happy new year to you

You're welcome, Lindsay Docherty.

I usually don't enjoy nonlinear films. Now and then though I will. Memento comes to mind. And one of my all-time favorite noirs qualifies as non-linear too, I think: Out of the Past. I think the problem I have with most non-linears is they make me work too hard to follow along. Usually I watch films late at night, and I'm tired. So Maurice my advice is just don't make the reader/viewer work too damn hard.

Not a film or a short, but I would highly recommend checking out the show DARK on Netflix for Inspo on this very topic (which I'm a huge fan of :)

It's in German, and I thought it did a fabulous job of managing many intersecting storylines, timelines and characters while continuing to remain emotionally attached and invested in many of characters in the ensemble cast. Beautifully shot, the soundtrack is incredible and the transition visuals are gorgeous.

It's 3 seasons long, remiains in my top 5 list of best shows I've ever watched. The same creators made another show called 1899 - also incredible but sadly Netflix did not renew - advising the ending is a big cliffhanger which is super frustrating .

Good luck! :)

Thanks for the advice, Eric Christopherson. It's hard for me to watch a complex movie when I'm tired. I'd rather watch something quick and easier to follow like a sitcom episode.

Thank you, Sarah Jones. I just added DARK to my Netflix list.

Maurice Vaughan Dark is a great story, Maurice, which looks at fractured time and the influence of certain numbers across different timescapes.

I concur with @Mauricio. From the job reqs I've been seeing they're 60-80 90 sec (1.5 page) episodes. Sure teaches you to make your scenes snappy.

I've been approached on one of these as well @Mauricio @Jeffrey and was told the same thing. Has anyone actually written one?

Jill Gambaro I did write one as part of prep for job proposal. The way I approached was doing 60 1.5 page episodes (and combined them into one document for submission). Unfortunately, the job req went quiet once I was prepare to submit, but it was a fun exercise and now I have it on deck for the next one...

@evryone,

Vertical text is the method of writing the screenplay in the French way. It depends on a number of writers called a workshop, and the dialogue is compiled. Until they are compiled, the author’s vision is not taken into account, but rather they are lines that are coordinated in a scenario, and the studio director begins distributing roles and tasks.

Jeffrey B. Wayne I pretty much approached it the same way.